All Comments on 'Surprise Family Affair Ch. 02'

by Vic5

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  • 5 Comments
goducks1goducks1over 5 years ago
just no flow

in the dialogue. the story seems forced. great basic concept, but poor writing execution. needs more tease, more development

AnonymousAnonymousover 14 years ago
I'm stopping

You don't have much of a sense of how people talk. The dialogue is unnatural, stilted, as one reader described it. I'm not going to keep on reading this story. Maybe a Literotica editor can help you with the dialogue and descriptions.

Jena121Jena121over 16 years ago
Too...............................

fast and too stilted - not enough description of anything - including the players!!!!!!!!!!!!

AnonymousAnonymousover 17 years ago
bull shit

bull shit. stop writing

AnonymousAnonymousover 17 years ago
FUN

Family fucking is always fun. Keep writing. Keep them fucking each other. I enjoy reading about it.

Anonymous
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