by lyricalpoet95
... the number of errors this should have been your very first attempt at writing!!
You seem to have little concept of the use of an 'apostrophe' to indicate a missing letter - you're; who's, etc.
Spelling & Grammar? Poor.
And it is very obvious that you did absolutely no Proof-Reading!!
Your story should have received a 4* but the very best I'm willing to award is 3*!
so far an interesting story BUT........ i think from too many points of view kinda confuses the reading. readers are basically lazy and so far this is sorta complicated.... age old advice is the KISS theory: keep it simple stupid! but don't change to try to please me or anyone else.... except that I'd like a few more pages (helps to get more involved in the story) with each chapter.
Fuck, you NEED an editor. Its too damn confusing from all the different points of view. 1*