Taken?

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jake60
jake60
1,101 Followers

"I understand, and you're perfectly welcome to do whatever you need to do to investigate. I'll give you my keys and you can check my trunk out. I doubt if I will need my tire iron so just keep it. If there's anything else you need just tell me." Rob sat back and returned the Sergeant's gaze.

The next half hour was spent taking statements from Erin and Katy, concentrating on their captivity in Canada. The Sergeant explained that the kidnapping had taken place in Minnesota, and he would let them deal with that part of it. After their statements were signed he left the room.

When they were alone Erin asked, "You didn't have anything to do with that fire or anything, did you?"

"Of course not. He must have done that himself." Rob took her hand and said, "I'm just glad you'll never have to worry about him again."

The three of them chatted while waiting for the Sergeant to return. He was gone about 15 minutes and when he came back into the room he was carrying several pages of handwritten notes. "I've had a call from the first officer who arrived at the scene of the fire, and he has some interesting things to say. He was able to pick his way into the bedroom where the body is located and has reported that he can see what appears to be a gunshot wound in the chest of the man's body, and what appears to be a revolver beside the body. He says the room was badly burned and it will require a lot of investigative work to determine what exactly happened there." He looked up at Rob and asked, "Do you have a gun, Mr. Walsh?"

"As a matter of fact I do. I got a permit to carry one just this past Saturday, and I purchased a gun that day."

"I like to see that gun if you don't mind."

"Well, the cashier at the gas bar on the other side of the border warned me that guns were illegal here, so I left my lockbox and gun with the store on the other side." Rob removed the receipt the store had given him from his wallet and handed it to Sergeant O'Brien. "This is the receipt they gave me for it."

Sergeant looked closely at the receipt before asking, "This is all they gave you? It shows you left a lockbox, but it doesn't mention a gun."

"Well, the gun is in the box. If you want proof that the gun is there I'll give you the combination, and you can phone them. They can open the box, and tell you what's in it." Sergeant O'Brien accepted Rob's offer, and left with the receipt and a slip of paper on which Rob had written his combination to the lockbox. He was gone for about 10 minutes, and when he returned he had a satisfied look on his face.

"What you told me has checked out completely. They have confirmed that there is a 25 caliber automatic in the box. I'm sorry if you're offended that I had to check this out, but I am just doing my job."

The Walsh family spent another half hour waiting while Sergeant O'Brien inspected the trunk of their car and removed the tire iron in a plastic bag. He told Rob that the visual inspection of the tire iron didn't show any sign that it had been used as a weapon, but that proper testing was necessary. It was noon when the family was finally able to get on the road and head back home. They made one stop on the way, for lunch, at the Angry Trout Cafe in Grand Marais. They were at home in Duluth at supper time.  

Epilogue

All three of them spent time with Dr. Gloria Baker after their return home. Erin, particularly, needed counseling to help her over her time in captivity. There hadn't been any physical abuse, but the effects on her mental state took some time to fully get over. Katy was back to normal in a couple of weeks, and was able to start her next year in high school without any problems. Rob spent a lot of time with Dr. Baker, and even though he stopped seeing her, Erin could tell that he seemed quieter and more introspective than he had been before she had been taken away.

The Ontario Provincial Police continued their investigation into Angus Blair's death, and made several calls to Rob and Erin for further information. On one occasion, Sergeant O'Brien himself came to Duluth to get a sworn statement from Rob about what had happened the morning they left. After that statement they heard nothing more for about six months. It was almost a full year from the day Katy was taken that they received an official letter from the Ontario Provincial Police, stating that the death of Angus Blair had been ruled a suicide, and that no further investigation would be taking place.

jake60
jake60
1,101 Followers
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AnonymousAnonymous3 days ago

MC was mighty lucky in all respects. Glad he left a way for the dogs to get out, theyre dangerous but not intrinsically evil like the burned guy. I hope he died of burns not smoke inhalation. rk

orneryonezorneryonez8 days ago

I found it a little disappointing... 15 pages wasn't enough for a story of such detail. 90 pages would have made it more interesting, in fact there's no reason it couldn't have been 200 + pages LONG!!!

AnonymousAnonymous25 days ago

This story is typical of a good writer's output BEFORE editing. I have edited several published print authors and even more online writers' works. ALL writers habitually overwrite because that's how the detail-oriented, story-telling human mind works. Remember that they are translating their vision of story and imagery into words that you can decode and "see" the same thing. It's important to bring in one or more persons to help refine and define that vision. Every successful writer needs and uses an editor. This is an amateur writer who is but an editor away from being a potentially successful one. In short, this very good manuscript is typical of what I see daily.

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After my first run-through of this manuscript, I would get rid of the overly detailed, pedestrian content that shows down the reader, dilutes the plot, and interferes with readability and flow. Writing a chronological story doesn't mean a detailed, minute-by-minute recreation of every activity of the day. Where summary works, summarize. If what MC eats for breakfast is germane to the story, include it. Otherwise, summarize. The reader's mind needs to read and process the essential elements, such as character arcs, plotlines, foreshadowing, and future elements. My second recommendation is to rewrite the ending, which is hurried, rushed, and still leaves little closure.

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A rule of thumb is: if it's not essential to the story, leave it out. Many writers are incapable of seeing that because of how they store it in their minds. That's why editors are essential.

AnonymousAnonymous4 months ago

Really great dedicated love story that we enjoyed. Definitely dragged out more than was really necessary, making it a very comprehensive and complete story - until the ending. For the length of the story, the ending fell together very quickly and was wrapped in a few short paragraphs. Would have been nice to minimize the middle fact finding search a bit, and then expand the ending a bit more as the family arrived home, welcomed, therapy, became a loving family again with renewed love, caring and appreciation for each other.

AnonymousAnonymous9 months ago

I ain't reading 15 pages of this.

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