All Comments on 'Taking a Vacation with my Sister'

Very good story.

Your handjob scene was incredibly erotic as was the story as a whole! Really great!

And I think you didnt get the male perspective too wrong :) I just find it slightly weird none of the two feels a bit weird about sex with his/her sibling, but if they both want each other why bothering with too much reluctance, so it didn't really bother me.

Story is decent, but all of the mistakes ruin it. Find someone who can proofread and correct all the mistakes. That alone will improve the story dramatically

Great story!! Tis story really made me horny. I wanna fuck somebody now. ;)

Very nice! Had the feeling of reality that I love to find, even though I can hardly imagine being so lucky. For those worried about so-called "incest", she was protected against pregnancy, and they both were horny and available, and trusted each other, so what's the problem? As much as I liked the tale, I couldn't quite give 5* - the inexperience was realistic, though embarrassing - but a solid 4.

Erm....

An Erection Reducing Mother.

Tis

That Is Stupid.

actually, your ability to switch back and forth during the dialogue from the brother to the sister was smooth.

on a personal note, I hope the two of them are able to have a wonderful and long life together. ; P

I don't mind the non-American terms used in this story. I admit to being a first generation American of UK parents but have to believe that in the second decade of the 21st Century, anyone befuddled by the terms used in this story must be living deep in the forest of ignorance. No offence intended but please, get out and experience the rest of the world.

I'm not concerned with the specific wording used, but the grammar was slightly lacking. For example, when one wishes to convey what they are about to do they express it thusly, "I am going to..." They do not just say, "Will..." Furthermore, when using the word 'will' as in 'I will' one must say "I will" or "I'll" NOT JUST "WILL..." Pronouns are important, and you are seriously lacking in the Personal Pronoun department.

Liked the story. Suggest an editor or proof reader for the typos and grammar. Ignore the language haters. English came from England. American dialect probably sounds terrible to the Brits. 5* for story.

I enjoyed reading the story and the definite UK tone to the writing was refreshing to me after spending over a decade in the former colonies.

I am not surprised that it attracted negative comments about that from some less savvy individuals. They need to get used to the idea that not everybody in this English Language world speaks the way they do.

Having put that to bed, I did enjoy it for other reasons. I like the way your dialogue reflected the way the people would have actually spoken. The story flowed quite well and showed a gradual sexual side building before the dam broke.

For a female trying to write as a male, well.... I don't think you pulled it off completely. There were still elements of the way you wrote around the characters that showed a more feminine approach to writing. But that's not a bad thing at all. It had a good balance. If you had written completely successfully as a male, that would not have happened and I don't believe the story would have been quite as enjoyable. Thanks.

Nice story. What about the rest of the week?

Enjoyed the realistic telling and fairly gentle pace; and of course the English, but then again I am from UK where we created the language. Lol

Paperfly x

Good start to your story, now we need to see what she teaches him. thanks.

Hope there is more to come

I enjoyed the story. I liked the natural sounding dialog. I rated the story Five Stars. But I was put off be the overuse of the verbal pause, "Erm." Have you ever caught on early to, like y'know, what someone else's, like y'know, verbal pause is, and found it, like y'know, distracting? It's, like y'know, listening to them speak just becomes, "Like y'know, blah blah blah, like y'know, blab-bitty blah blah, like y'know." About half as many, "Erm"s, would work better for me.

Excellent writing: character, development, etc. The story is hot, the descriptions of sex are very sensual and (I thought) very realistic. The fact that she was so promiscuous was probably necessary to your plot, so she could teach him what to do. (But nothing about the danger of disease?) It's refreshing to find a story where it's the guy with less experience! (And yes, I am a male. My first time was strictly trial & error, but with more error than trial.) (Ha!)

I love the dialogue; completely "normal" and persuasive. Yes, I'm a "colonial," but have spent quite a bit of time in Britain and am perfectly comfortable with your version of English. ;-) I'm surprised at the number of comments about that.

Marking a five. Really needs a second chapter though, describing the rest of the week. Maybe even adding in at the end that it was the sister that had purchased the room and faked the competition, she was taking a risk and was happy it had paid off.

I feel this story work for the most part, only lacking in a few areas that dont lessen the enjoyability of it. You are obviously of an english speaking country which is reflected in the way the dialouge is written, which works. The only problem i had was having to re-read many different lines/paragraphs due to a minor lack of punctuation, which when written as you would actually speak brakes up the sentence structure. I appreciate ur lack of pointless swearing, which sooooooo many writers are prone to do and really ruins it for me. The story arc/plotline is pretty realistic throughout, only wavering once or twice in pretty minor ways, so kudos on that too. My story page limit is 4 at max so i feel you have a good handle on proper length; I have a hard time maintaining focus past 3 pages. Your descriptive language is really nice and proper in it's timing, keeping the flow natural and smooth. My only real point of criticism is the kinda anti-climactic/ fast ending which i feel is mostly due to over-developments in the the 2 pre-sex instances (the handjob & 69'ing portions). I enjoy a nice well paced buildup to the actual sex with foreplay scenes but i feel the proper ratio should be about 40:60 between foreplay and sex. Anyway in conclusion I encourage u to keep writing and honing ur style cuz u nicely employ MANY of the specific story archetypes I personally appreciate in it. If ud like more indepth/specific feedback on the story or need to someone to bounce ideas off, feel FREE to contact me and through this site.

Are a turn off. As soon as I see or read the word 'petite', I lose interest in a story.

It's a good thing he is turned off by short women, because most of us are turned off by smokers with short minds. Your distaste with petite women has absolutely no business as feedback. At least critique the story rather than telling the writer you do not like what they do. Write your own stories with nothing but tall women, and stop bothering writers of stories you were too conceited to read.

To the writer: Please keep writing your characters the way you desire to do it! Ignore the guy who lowers his dating pool significantly by discounting short women. Odd he doesn't mention if short men also bother him, but he is entitled to be attracted only to tall men and women. I couldn't care less about his actual preference, but I do take issue with his comment after he admits to not reading the entire story. This petite woman can not wait to read more from you. I've learned a talented imagination goes along way when reading for pleasure.

the hell is up with all the ERM's? quite distracting

Oh thank gawd someone besides me wanted to kill them both for all the '..erm" s over and over!! Wtf?! Annoying as hell!! Otherwise enjoyable.

University (university)

if you (are) friends

fallings out (fallings-out)

each other privacy (other’s)

startings of a 6 pack (beginning) (PERHAPS A 2 PACK OR EVEN A 3 PACK????)

long term (long-term)

her self (herself)

kindle (Kindle)

sisters (sister’s)

random (man) was checking

drivers (driver’s)

get a peak (peek)

laying on her side (lying)

wide eyed (wide-eyed )

finger nails (fingernails)

Don't you know the difference between "peak" and "peek"?

You can only be an American - no other nation has that 'endearing' habit of using words that SOUND the same but are spelt differently and have a completely unrelated meaning - with absolutely NO relevance to the story in question.

Functional illiteracy, I call it.

First off Jesus had nothing to do with this so leave him out of it.

It didn't sound American to me.

I'm sure you didn't mean to bash us Americans.

Some of us do know how to use real English.

Is there more to come? Nevermind the clowns pickin on you. Some of us know how to read proper English and enjoy difference in vernacular, Sure some of the words are misspelled, in either venue. If it is that difficult or annoying to read then go read someone else. I'm pretty sure that most of the writers here are doing the best they can. One writer I read recently had a critic leave him a long list of misspellings and improper grammar. It appeared to me, having read several of his offerings, that the 'mistakes ' were purposeful. I enjoyed them. The list was quite similar to one written to this author, Keep up the good work.

I can't believe that people would criticize your writing the way that they did. Personally, I found your story quite sexy and enjoyed it a lot. I look forward to reading your other stories. Thanks for sharing your stories with us. 5 Stars from me.

by your writing.

Sometimes you write like a Brit, other times you use words that a Brit wouldn't, or in a way that a Brit wouldn't use the word.

Mike2501 – have you listened to anyone from Britain recently? Maybe things are, erm, getting on top of them, ah, or they cannot think as quickly, erm, as they, like, speak. Sometime it is, like, lazy but they don’t like notice they are erm, like, doing it and err, don’t, you know, realise like how irritating it is. (I once recited to a group of 16-18 year olds Shakespeare’s To Be Or Not To Be soliloquy with various ums, ahs, errs and erms, and quite a few likes thrown in, to show them how these things really do not work with flow and rhythm. They got it, but kept using them as before)

Fiction is obviously fiction; it is escapism. I prefer my fiction to be believable and if that means there are pauses and indications of thinking on the hoof or indecision then that is fine by me Sometimes little things niggle, like the fantasy of the cast of Friends apparently living in huge apartments in the centre of New York despite not having high paying jobs, and sometimes I can look past that; most of the time on this site the fiction extends to the guys all being hung like a well endowed donkey and the women apparently being blessed with a pair of beach balls instead of breasts, and that really doesn’t work for me. I can live with a few believable erms...

DOp90

You have more grammatical errors in the first ten paragraphs than most stories have in their entirety. What might have been a decent story is sadly completely spoiled by dozens of comma splices, run on sentences, and just generally intolerable grammar.

I love to read sibcest where there is a pleasant friendly relationship prior to the First Time event. Your story certainly fit that bill.

I also appreciate that Bro had a normal average 6" penis and Sis had A-cup breasts. I hope to read more like this from you. Keep up the good work.

Try working with a good editor who will clean up the grammar and spelling mistakes.

Ex. "she had peaked at him" ... The word is PEEKED, meaning furtive observation.

Peaked has a compleately different meaning such as in an orgasm.

I thought there was a gross overuse of ERM. Break it up use something else now and then.

A gross overuse of "Erm". Can't you find anything else to use?

What in the fucking hell is Erm?

Without that piece of shut worthless word it would be a great story. As it is it’s just painful.

Flaws everywhere. I never made it to page 2..one bad on was the a.c. set on 20 degrees lmao. The rest were grammer, incomplete sentences every other one an spelling. No reason to try the other chapters

You just have to love those anonymous twats, I wonder if they have written anything themselves. Anyway, I found it a fun read, sis takes charge. I thought you conveyed the idea of him sneaking peeks, but knowing he shouldn't quite well. And thankyou for the normal sized cock. I see there is a part 2 so onwards we go.

I so prefer stories of realistic sized genitals.

Thanks for that! But as other commenters indicated the 'erm' term was overused.

Still a good read.

I rated 4 stars