by Mister_Shy
ending. Very realistic and smoothly played. Excellent story. I hated to see it end.
~AvrgBlkGrl
LOVED IT! PLEASE CONTINUE! I LOVE THE CHARACTERS ESPECIALLY TOM!!!!! Make a sequel or something please...
This is perfect! A love story, in the end. Yeah, now I love you.
It would take too many words to describe how it moved me. I agree with Biotechgirl. Perfect ending.
Gesh, this was just fantastic. You have a real career in writing... If you want one. I can't remember my password or I wouldn't have been anonymous. But thank you for sharing your creatvity!
This website is my one vice. I was not expecting to find actual compelling and thought provoking prose on it. Thanks.
So much of what I've read on Literotica is crude, porno trash. This, however was exceptionally well written in every respect. I loved it.
I can't get over how good this was. I've only recently started reading stuff on Literotica, and the quality of writing is all over the place. But something about your writing makes it so easy to read, so natural. I literally skipped the Cat and Allison scene the first time around just to read what happened with Cat and Tom. I was THAT invested in the characters in their relationship. I thought the ending was excellent and really captured the chemistry between them. Of course I wouldn't mind if you continued the story, just because I like the characters so much, but it might also ruin the ending. I'm sure you'd be up to the task!
I do wish there would have been a couple more moments between Cat and Tom that not only displayed his lust for her, but his desperate need to be with her. The time he came to the house tired, and asked for two cups of water. "I'm not up for lassoing the moon today" (It's A Wonderful Life!) I would have loved that scene if he just paid her, but didn't ask for sex. Maybe Tom just asked her to sit there with him, watching tv as they cuddled. Maybe he just caresses her as they talk. You write the actual sex scenes so well that I feel you could throw more subtle moments like that, without boring the reader. Of course I'm not judging how you wrote it at all. I love how the story is now, but I guess I'm just projecting my own desires into the story.
The scene with the Tennis Coach fantasy was perfect to me, because even though it was hot and steamy, the way they were conversing felt so natural, and it felt like they were getting to know each other.
Anyways, I commend you Mister_Shy, thanks for the excellent read!
...and head and shoulders above most of the writing here. Keep up the good work!
I was initially intrigued but quickly fell in love with this story! I thoroughly enjoyed it. Loved the sexy/kinkyness of all the chapters, thanks for writing an awesome story!
Read the whole series. I now wish to read everything you have ever written. Short stories, poetry, third grade essays, grocery lists, lay it on me.
Honestly? Not sure what to think of that ending. There are very faint undertones of things not being quite right. (Does anyone else think Tom is professionally involved with some rather shady business?) But the conclusion did have a sweetness to it that I enjoyed. I was definitely rooting for the pair to hook up at the end.
I think this reminds me of the final scene of 'The Graduate.' It has that whole feeling of "yay we did it! Wait, what did we just do? OMG..." I wish the pair the best, but something tells me the story is far from over for Catherine and Tom.
Incredibly descriptive, excellent imagery, really enter into psychology of Catherine, marvelously entertaining. Keep writing, I'll keep reading.
Hard (!) to know what to make of this story.
Katie/Cat's treatment of Bobby was despicable. But like you'd expect of a narcissistic slut -- coming down on him for a short transgression, when she's engaged in far worse (prostitution + mental straying + manipulation).
But:
Hot sex scenes
Excellent descriptive writing
Entrance into protagonist's (weird) head
Wouldn't know what to rate it. Didn't.
Paul in Oklahoma
Did we read the same story...? Ok, you could argue that Sara was a short time transgression... except he lied about *that*, likely...
He *said* they were drunk... but Sara thought they were "on a break"... So he wasn't so drunk he didn't know what he did and come up with some line for Sara to make it ok...
Which likely means that line allowed him to do Sara again when not "drunk"...
Plus, she asked him about his fucking around while away at college...
(Paraphrasing)
"No," he said...
"It's ok, Baby, you don't have to lie to me."
And he didn't maintain the "No".
Clearly Sara wasn't the only one and also clearly he wasn't *drunk* during those other times...
As for the prostitution thing, he didn't want to waste time he didn't have dating, and she could say no to pretty much any and everything if she wanted... regardless of whether he'd already paid...
So unlike with a prostitute he wasn't paying for the right to do each thing, he was getting a date (without the wasted time of a date) to put out...
Not that I'd want a girl I was seeing to do that with some guy... but I wouldn't have wanted her to be SEEING another guy at all...
I really enjoyed all 6 chapters of this. I really enjoy your writimg style.
You are an amazing writer. I enjoyed your stories very much and am impressed with the pacing and cadence of the characters. It was such a treat to stumble across your work here. If you aren't already a published author, you should be.
Loved all six chapters of this story; each of them deserved more than a five. The subtlety of the last few paragraphs was priceless.
You have a certain style which is descriptive while being readable. Not all gaps need to be filled; with a few key details, the mind does the rest. You pack more into a few pages than most authors here do in double that (including me). Bravo.
The scenes were enjoyable and sex while on the phone is a huge personal kink, so all the incidents of that in this series should have sealed it for me.
Unfortunately, my take on Katie was that she's the weakest of your narrators or lead characters of the stories I've read so far. At times, I felt she was loathsome, and it was rare that she acted in a way to redeem herself. We're all human, we all have flaws. Your leads wear their faults proudly, sometimes to their detriment. But in this case, I couldn't find anything to connect with.
My take on the Katie character was to show a young, strong woman. I found she came across as a combination of juvenile, desperate and indecisive. She was unable to follow basic instructions, hypocritical, impulsive (in a bad way for a sex story) and, who does she really have a human bond with in the whole series? Tom? no, he's paying her, which she constantly refers to. She pretty much disrespects Bobby for most of the series. Allison? On-again-off-again friends at best. This alone is a huge difference from the stories of yours which I've raced through to see what happens because I loved your take on the humanity of the hero/anti-hero. Maybe this was all because of her youth (an impulsive, incredibly vain 22 y/o? Really? Aren't they all mature and well-adjusted at that point?). I dunno.
It's a good story. There's a lot to like. And you've set a very high bar in your one-shots as well as the longer series. This one just missed my particular targets.
A nice difference is the still-vague ending which actually had a "happily ever after" tone, if there is such a thing for these tales.
And one niggling point which drove me crazy, in Chapter 1, you describe Katie's parents house (where she was staying) as a "one story", and then immediately in the same sentence refer to a staircase off the entryway. In fact, characters are using this one-story staircase throughout the story. That's some interesting architecture.
This was an absolute treat to read. I love how you can feel the emptiness inside the protagonist. And this last chapter was so satisfying. Loved it.
The tension and conflict within all the characters in this story is just terrific. Even when they get their release, there is still tension there. The slowly simmering relationships that just miss culmination are sweet agony, like being edged for an hour, not knowing if she’s going to let me go over the edge or not. Really great stuff here. Thanks for this.
I suspect this guy has truckled off to greener (as in 'da Benjaminz') pastures or has returned to the Mutha Ship! What a cool, easy to read writing style.