All Comments on 'TGI Chronicles Pt. 2 Ch. 04'

The author deleted a constructive remark I made on Chapter 3. He'll probably do the same to this one. The problem is the writer has fallen in love with words, words, and more words, most of which aren't contributing to the storyline. Come on Gary, tighten up the prose and tell your story. It's probably a very interesting one.

I still like the direction you seem to be heading towards. You may be a little too wordy but this isn't a stroke story. Your turns and twists are most welcome. I still wonder where Alice fits into your story. I look forward to reading more of your story.

Boyd

And still excellent writing.

If the detractor doesn't like words--why read this story??

Well, now you've thrown another curve, for me at least. Why is Davinia so pushed outa shape about the DVDs? She can't even talk about it. Has she been abused in the past? Maybe at one time she enjoyed the S&M or something similar?? This is kinda open. I'm sure looking forward to Beth's report. Hopefully, Beth can right the ship. And this just when I figure Dave is about to decide to settle down, maybe?!

Well, her mom warned him. Is she using this as an excuse to break up with him before they got any closer? If so, why the bags of clothes? She is a dilemna.

The other poster didn't say that he didn't like the story; just that he felt that the story could be more meaningful if it was tighter. Just one opinion; not necessarily mine.

I suspect that it's like Howard Stern; some readers read the submissions of those that they don't like because they want to see what they're going to say next.(I'm not implying that is the case with GaryAPB) I usually at least scan most submissions in any categories that hold my interest - but I've only commented on those that I've read and make me want to comment either because of the story content or of the crafting of the story itself without regard to the content.

Some writers make improvements in their writing as they submit more work; others (again I'm not talking about this author!) consistently make the same errors over & over.

Just a note from me. I have never cancelled any comment on any of my writings. I guess my detractor just didn't press the right button at the right time to get his comment published.

I do read all the comments, and I am grateful for them all, including the negative ones. And I do try to learn from constructive criticism.

But, if my style is too wordy for the guy, well I'm sorry, but that's my style.

I do try to make the story entertaining, fun in parts, and that every paragraph tells to something.

A shifting, changing faces and direction. This be good, story now unpredictable. Author in charge, reader in limbo, waiting for direction. Excellent job sir, I thought I had a handle on most of the principles, but now I’m at your mercy, waiting to see where you take us and them from here. A fan always.

And she will either dump him hard or do something else so he will be heartsick over her. She will probably find out that he is fucking Lucy on nights she is unable or unwilling and leave his ass dry or maybe she will persist in her hatred of S & M Porn. I don't care for it much myself and I am an old perve. A little Dom and Sub is about all I care for and am not too crazy about that. I am an equal opportunity pervert.

Great stuff. Four out of five. Should be the Tim, Beth and Dave chronicles. I really liked the development of Dav being offended by Dave's porn collection. That felt very real. I also like Dave being worried about his feelings for Dav. The old bachelor is feeling his life change. And always anything about Tim and Beth for another POV is great. I have no idea where all this is headed other than the obvious of Dave and Dav getting married. Cheers. Steve