All Comments on 'That Phrase... Sylvia Ch. 04'

It is nice when the main character deals with his problems in an intelligent, rational way. There wasn't much warmth in this tale. The relationships all seemed cold, even the one with Rachel. The main character did not seem to have much depth of feeling.

The author had a great opportunity to introduce conflict and drama into the story with the takeover bid at the board meeting. But instead of showing us what happens, he gave us one sentence that told us dad was out and angry enough to never talk to his daughter again. The wrap up was too quick. It feels like we got the outline instead of the completed story and therefore it felt stilted and the characters were flat. Two stars.

Finally a mikoli story where the ending wasn't fucked up.

HALLELUJAH!!!!!!

5 STARS

Yes, the style was a little remote, but the story line was good and was told well.

Personally, I would have preferred less wait between submission of each chapter, but now that's no longer an issue for future readers.

Good story, thanks.

I haven't enjoyed this series a great deal, I think because I couldn't feel much empathy for Don, ok that's not quite true as I did feel some sorrow for the way Sylvia treated him in Ch 1. However overall I found your characterisation of Don to be of a self centred, callous & slightly twisted man. The name of the story was " That Phrase...Sylvia " but really it should have been Don's name instead of Sylvia as everything was about him & she was just an accessory.

Your writing style still grates with me & together with the odd spelling/grammar errors I found this a difficult tale to enjoy. 3***

I enjoyed this story into other end because it shows a person who will stop at nothing, including blackmail, to get what they want. What kind of a person does that?

Considering blackmail is a federal crime, if that didn't work, what other. Crimes would he have committed? Plant drugs on Sylvia? Rape? Murder even? I don't know what he would have done because he compromised his morality the moment he was willing to use anything against her to get his way. That is NOT the actions of a good man.

Not bad, but as I said in Ch 3, just not needed.

Could have ended with Ch 3 as a "And they lived happily ever after."

If you absolutely HAD to have the drama with her father, this was short enough you could/should have just added it to Ch 3.

This was awful. Some of your sentences were so poorly constructed that I almost forgot about your stiff and unrealistic dialogue.

You need an editor. If you have one, then you need an editor familiar with English.

nitpickers give it up

I got lost in some (many?) of the sentences. I think my first piece of advice to the author would be to work towards having shorter, crisp sentences. The tags are an example. I have not determined how the tags work. If the search tag must be identical, searchers would not find this story unless they had memorized the author's tags. Instead, use: divorce - cheating wife - new beginnings - new woman.

The main character could have been pleasanter and I certainly agree that a detailed Board Meeting would have made an interesting chapter if well done. Your style gets some of us lost even though in the end I can find my way back. Keep on writing...

Makes no effort at all to justify the wildly out of character behavior of Sylvia. The main character is still an unlikable Mary Sue incapable of doing anything wrong. And there is no conflict, drama or sex. Why did you even write this if you were clearly already bored with it?

I think that when one half a marriage decides as Sylvia did, this is a totally honest outcome. I know I would feel that way myself. Great read.

Corsair

The ending felt very rushed, quick even!

I thought the story was OK, but needed to be expanded a bit so it flowed better. The ending was rushed and the scene where he throws the pre-nup on Rachel's desk was totally out of character. I doubt that Rachel would have wanted to marry someone who acted so irrationally without at least having some discussion about what she had actually signed. In addition, the substituting of different pages and terms to a signature page is very unrealistic, as her father would have to know someone was going to read it. The use of tired plot devices to add drama does little to improve a story.

Not bad overall. But Don wasn't a very likeable guy and the ending felt abbreviated.

Dumb wife , I do not know any women dumb enough to start an affair or have sex for sexs sake because a friend said it would improve you sex life. Are there any women out their that can fall into that category . I can see an affair for a million other reasons but not this one introduced by this writer. Sexless marriage, husband cheating or beating wife a control freak and hundreds of other reasons?

Don was NOT likeable, I was disgusted with Rachael and Don taking her fathers company from him, obviously killing him in the end. Quit, move on, but don't take a mans life from him because he doesn't like your potential mate.

The final chapter was rushed and ruined what could have been a pretty good story.

Sorry but, you got off track and this story turned into a pile of dung. Think about it, your should have stayed with the story about Sylvia.

Agree that the add-on about a new Sweetie is awkward and detracts from a previously consistent tale! 'More' is NOT necessarily better. Consider golf scores!

Your dialogue is stilted and pretentious. It does not read like people actually speak.

This makes reading these conversations an effort of will to pull understanding out of the text instead of letting it flow through the reader.

The real truth about cheating was said by him: "It wasn't you I hated Sylvia, it was the disloyalty you showed to me". It's always about disloyalty, about no respect...

Yawn, is it really over? Good. Should have ended two chapters ago.

Mikoli, Keep working on your writing, you have some good ideas, but for me your character development was weak. After the first chapter I thought that both of them were assholes, I more or less did not care what happened to them, whatever bad crap happened they deserved, and what was more, I did not even care too much. She cheated, As soon as she cheated he likewise bailed out. I think both her and his intransigence were a bit over the top. Then the unrealistic part about going to Vegas and he wins a ton of money to make the divorce quick and painless was not plausible (at least for me).

(And a misandrist cunt)

Thanks for sharing.

*grins* Ooh, more anons who don't understand what the words they are using mean, nor basic facts about a person's gender. Please, tell me more about who I am?

Oh, wait, you can't, because anons can only post once per story, and you are a lazy, coward who can't even be bothered to sign up for an account to be held accountable for the bile you spew. So as usual your opinions, like all anon opinions, are worthless.

Yes, the ideas aren't bad. Some of them are clever and good.

As always, more editing is a plus. It isn't the writing, it's the RE writing.

But we don't know these people, don't really care about them. When I read these 'love scenes' between Rachael and whatever the fuck his name is, I get an operatic tone of two Wagnarian singers belting arias to one another about how SO in love they are in high volumes. As always, show don't tell.

Pacing is also a problem. This should have been wrapped in the other story.

Damn it, I'm trying to be complimentary here. This isn't one of his better stories. I recall some I liked much more, so I don't dismiss him out of hand. These things click with the crowd or they don't.

Keep trying. I'll take a peek

Mary Sue is a term which is a bit esoteric. Essentially, it s a flawless character who is attractive, fit, brilliant, well liked by everyone. Every woman wants to be her and every man wants her.

Yeah, this guy is a bit of a Mary Sue. However most Mary Sues here ride Mustangs...just saying ;-)

Oh, he's by far not the worst about Mary Sue characters here, but that's a good description. In this case it's that he has no flaws, everything he does that's wrong is suddenly justified by the narrator, and everything bad that happens is immediately solved through no effort and no hardship on his part.

Kind of a rushed ending there mik. Still it gave the result I wanted so I gave it Five Stars

Good for the most part and a huge improvement over previous stories due to the character's personalities not changing from one extreme to the other. I do agree with other posters that the drama with Rachael's father added nothing to the mix and the story would of worked better with a "lived happily ever after" bolted onto the end of chapter 3.

I love this fantasy world you closeted, bitter, lonely guys have constructed where I have power and influence on this site and people get banned for anything other than being flagrantly abusive spamming assholes. In your delusions, why have I not banned accounts like this author if I have so much supposed power?

It lacked emotion, plot, any twists or turns. His wife played, he left her and found someone else. This story was quite unremarkable.

I pretty much like all stories on LW forum. Some I like better than others. I liked yours. What I don't like is the trash talk that comes after the chapters/segments against one another and the running down an author's work. You wrote it and you liked it enough to post it on here. At least you can right and have correct word usage, which a lot of "writers" on here cannot do.

I wish there was a provision to turn off the comments that are after the stories, so I don't have to be drawn into such petty differences. If I tell you I like your story, which I did tell you, that is between you and me. I like this section over all others on Literotica, but will read others. I will NOT read gay (M/M) which makes me sick. And if someone slips it in a cuckold story, I will jump over it or quit reading it all together. Looking forward to your next selection mik.

Not so sure why she is surprised at his feelings. She does realize he knew about the orgy. Would have loved her to have explained that part.

Protagonist did not reveal himself to be anyone we didn't meet in chapter one. And that is welllll appreciated.

If you come across a good learning resource on the use of semi-colons, snatch it up!

I don't know where to start - just bad - I read all four parts in hopes something would happen but ....I should have mowed the lawn or had a Root Canal

what a way to force an ending.

no emotion. no feelings either way. and no resolution.

seems like there were just enough tiny little bows to wrap up the issues without making even a ripple on the water.

I can't believe he never brought up in discussion with Syl that it was her refusal to try different activities that led to their sex being boring. Refusal that was readily abandoned as soon as she bed others.

The story line was pretty good but the story just didn't flow which was a real distraction. If you had an editor get a new one, if you didn't have one get one!

You know, I think another chapter filling in all the holes would be good. The lousy friend Ronnie, what happened to her? How about the father of the kid? And what about Sylvia herself? Maybe make it from her point of view. Just a thought.

Author most clearly points out , that the Husband just does not care , is not interested , has no inclination to know ... he has moved on is happier than he has ever previously been ... that part of his life is over , finished , ended ....

i love a good btb tale as much as the next person ...but in this story it ends the way it's written .. the betrayed husband has no need to revisit or find out any details.

simply put : i am happy , i have the best new wife in the world , i am very wealthy. fuck the ex. and her friends and her lovers ,and the horse they rode in on.

total contempt for them and what they do , where they are , how they are.

total disinterest , the ex wife etc , are beneath his notice , of absolutely no interest and of no importance to him......

the story is done , unusual ending but it is complete .. there is no need for anything to be added to the story

I liked the overall concept of the story. I did not like the protagonist at all but that's not really important as to how good of a story it is, or isn't. A story can be excellent with a completely despicable main character. My problems are more in the presenting of the story. The stilted dialogue, the strange sentence structure, interesting grammar, the miraculous solving of problems within the plot, etc. etc. all added up to what is to me a mediocre story.

say our prayers and have a do-over. TK U MLJ LV NV

If not for Rachel, I don't see this ending nearly as well. His major conflict with Ronnie was never even addressed. He was a poor excuse for a man.

OK the start was awesome! He stood up and made his terms and refusal to go along with Sylvia's selfish wants VERY clear. Good start there, Mikoli5763! Retreating into hard work was also very understandable; most men could identify with that after suffering a 'death' like the one Sylvia forced on him. But, as others have suggested, there were a few holes that needed to be filled with more details, and Sylvia just 'riding off into the sunset' is unreasonable. Rachel popping up as an invaluable new wife and partner was good. But with his new influence, Don could (and should) have exposed Ronnie for being the toxic snake she is. Maybe a new story from Sylvia's perspective, with her in some sort of mental health program AND bringing the much-deserved wrath down on Ronnie, Jerry and anyone else that helped kill a healthy marriage.

This story could have been told in 2 parts, at most. One star because of length.

This story seemed to be missing something. It flowed along pretty well but there needed to be more conflict between the characters and the plot.

Also at the beginning, he seemed to give his wife permission to cheat when he gave her the 3 rules. He should have said that if she does it, it's divorce-no rules-no doubt-no apologies.

too long. the lover and ronnie walk away scot free.

No one to like except Mr. Fox. Narrator screws Mindy over far worse than Jerry or Sylvia do him. Sylvia is just plain stupid; Rachel is mean to everyone except Narrator. And it's too long.

The male character is sterile and she is knocked up. What more proof do you need. She didn't get knocked up from sitting on a toilet seat.

She went first - then he went worst. Multiple women, multiple times. She was open, he was hiding because he didn't want to give her the ammo he had.

Then he falls in love (read lust) 5 minutes later to live rich and happy ever after.

Did the lawyer have anything to do with changing the prenup?

Or for that matter did he even know about it?

It's called tampering and would be enough that even if he avoided legal charges being disbarred is near certainty.

Most lawyers try to avoid doing blatantly illegal acts like that, well, at least the ones with a fair chance of being caught doing them.

It would be a pretty serious crime for 'dear old Dad' too.

Chalk it up to yet another implausibility of the story.

hopefully it takes a long long time in appearing, TK U MLJ LV NV

You could of really made the story better by Rachel getting the cancer maybe 8 years later, with him selling everything, him going to look for Sylvia to forgive, to ask her to become his traveling companion and maybe friends with benefits.

That is ridiculous. She was a selfish manipulative disrespectful slut. She listened to her friend instead of her husband. She didn't even use protection. Why would anyone want to go back to that unless you have no self respect?

could be interesting to hear about Sylvia's reasoning leading up and more. and how much she regretted it and was able to move on and how she did it? the way it is now sort of leaves the story undone, just my feeling though

This was just a terrible, stupid story. The protagonist/husband's actions were way worse the cheating wife's, and I hate cheating wives.

You the cheating wives!!! Then why the fuck do you read every story about them that you can find. You know what we hate. Y O U!!!!!!! We hope you die every day!!Even you dead ex wife hated you and that's why she fucked all those guys and came home with a cunt full of cum for you to eat!!!

People just don't speak to each other the way this author depicts conversations. Story was interesting but as noted dialog is dreadful.

Vote 1* for 𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐅𝐀𝐓 𝐃𝐔𝐌𝐁 𝑩𝑨𝑵𝑵𝑬𝑫 𝐓𝐑𝐀𝐍𝐍𝐘 𝐖𝐇𝐎𝐑𝐄™ (that's what her clients call her) aka BONNIE/VASTIE aka NEEDYOU200 aka 5+ANNONY!

I hope you and Mikoli enjoy sucking each other and Matt Moreau off you cunt. I hope someone sets your fucking house on fire with your family in it

Selfish wife, vindictive husband, bad dialogue and a one dimensional plot. Not very good and, for future reference, it's never a great idea to make the cheated upon husband an even more unpleasant character than the cheating wife.

LA

What revenge? He divorced a cheating wife and is living his life well. bravo!!

Burnt the bitch. Married rich. Lived the LW fairytale.

You are really good. One of the best here. Thanks for this submition

Don't see how the husbands actions were worse than the Sylvia's. She DEMANDED an open marriage. Don said NO and that there would be consequences for her actions. Sorry, but when one spouse says no to adding someone to the marriage that should end the debate. So Sylvia planned and conspired with Ronnie to cheat on Don and told him there was nothing he could do about it. Don then begged her not to do it for several days. She ignored him and did it anyway. She NEVER tried to work it out with Don before she went out to cheat. In Don's view the Marriage contract was VOIDED and the marriage had ended. Why should he try counselling? Usually like the 'hero' to take and keep the moral high ground, but Don's solution worked for him. He stated the marriage was over as soon as Sylvia slept with Jerry. Why should anyone be upset with Don for trying to get a better deal in the divorce?? Sylvia trashed it why should Don give her a fair divorce??

As far as Rachel and Don taking over the company and ousting her father, he had it coming. He was a major jerk. He tried to screw over Don in the pre-nup without Rachel knowing, then he tried to force her to resign. He brought ALL of THIS on himself. All he had to do was draw up a fair pre-nup and wait for the marriage to fail!! But being an overbearing ass he got what was coming to him. He also refused any attempts at reconciliation. Choices (and being a jerk) have consequences.

EVERYONE is saying she derserved what she got. No she didn't. Once he gave here rules about her stepping out, cheating became null and void. Was what she did right? No. Should there be consequences? Yes. But him giving rules knowing he was going to divorce her was deceptive. If he left the rules out, then this is a good story. Thinking she got everything she deserved is way wrong.

She wouldn't budge on the open/cheating. It was a lie to him and herself. He said consequences.... they came. She broke her vows under his protest. He gave her the rope to hang herself is all. Life is not fair, you break the rules you WILL lose.

Great story......5

Chur bro awsum story

At the end of the story Don says he did not know what happened to Sylvia, well I will let you know. At the time of this story Syl was 33 years old.

I have known Syl since Grade School, my name is Jerry (yes that Jerry) and I have loved Sylvia since I first saw her.

When her friend Ronnie first convinced her to open her marriage I volunteered to be her first date expecting to finally sleep with the love of my life. Little did I know I would end up being her husband for 57 years.

Yes after her divorce and she had given birth to our daughter, she sued me for child support. After sitting down with her and I admitted my feelings towards her we both decided to marry for the sake of our daughter.

We had 3 other children, 2 boys and a girl. Even though, when we first married, she was not in love me she eventually did love me. She eventually passed away at 93 years of age. I am awaiting to join her in death. Not long now I think.

Our kids have done really well in their lives. Our oldest, Gloria, became a Cardiologist and became one of the best in the nation. She even operated on the President.

Our oldest son Bryson John (BJ) became an Engineer and worked for NASA on their first manned mission to Mars. He later became one of the first settlers of the Red planet and helped Terraform it.

Our younger daughter, Isabelle worked for Wells Industries and eventually became their VP for distribution. I thank Don for not bearing a grudge against our daughter because of who her parents were.

Our youngest, Mitchell, was the driving force behind the world striving to settle Mars and therefore bringing our world one step closer to peace.

In the end Don's decision to divorce Syl was a win-win situation for all. If you think this outcome was pretty good you should see how the 3 children Don and Rachel adopted turned out. One became the first President of the free world, another built Wells Industries into a multi national mega conglomerate (assisted by my daughter) and their third child was part of the team that developed the cure for cancer.

Don and I never got along, infact I think he is an arsehole but I thank him for giving up Syl.

your comment and argument are dumb as fuck. So the vows she promised her husband were deceptive? Because she lied then she does deserve what she got.

Thank you for grabbing up that cheating slut. Did you keep the CD of the 4 man orgy to show your kids when they grew up? Yup you really did well when you scooped up that piece of garbage.

You anons is humorous. No one would want the cheating whore Sylvia for more than a ONS. This was a great treatment of the four ominous words. Worked out great this time.

Really!!! Rachel dies and Sylvia fades into oblivion. And the 4 man orgy totally made no sense. Why would she do that at that time? The rest of the story was pretty good and believable though.

Ordinary story that in some places made no sense

3/5 at best

I sure love duplicitous dipshits

One thing bothers me about how Don handled Sylvia: he didn’t call BS on her declarations of love, after her orgy. By that time, she knew how Don felt, but had her orgy anyway - again dismissing his feelings.

Great until the depressing epilogue. What did killing off Rachel with ovarian cancer add to the story? You could've had her retire with him and go touring America... that would've been a much more positive ending.

It was amusing seeing Sylvia's increasing desperation as Don just tossed her aside like a used kleenex. Giving a cheating wife the silent treatment, along with looks of total contempt is harsher than just immediately serving her with divorce papers.

A conniving, crazy, obsessed nut like Sylvia would've aborted her love child faster than a homeless guy pouncing on a loose crack rock!

Did you have to finish it like that?Enjoyed it until that moment

JJ

I agree with the comments by 'Powersworder' and 'Legio_Patria_Nostra' a STORY doesn't have to have a sad or depressing conclusion. I think Rachel would have been 'traveling the highways of the good old US of A' too in my ending of the story This was an excellent read with a satisfactory conclusion... notwithstanding Rachel's untimely sad end Thank You! 5***** "Favorite Story" acknowledgement.

I agree with Southdown, the story was great until the end. Rachel should have been right beside him as they BOTH toured the "Good ole USA".

Good story.. the ending could of been better but it is wat it is...

Sylvia didn’t get an abortion because she wanted children. I hope she lived out her life as a single mother working at WalMart.

Great story, but why does she have to die from cancer like a wife in another of your stories. Why not let them ride off into the sunset and die a natural death at ripe old the age of 93?

Ending let the air out of a good story.

I find it difficult to decide which of the two main characters is the most revolting: A wife who completely disregards her husband's feelings or a husband who callously uses a vulnerable younger woman to ease his sexual frustrations and then drops her the moment he finds someone better.

There's no plot evolution or character development and are we really supposed to believe that within a few weeks of having his heart broken by his cheating wife he meets a new 'love of his life', who just happens to be a filthy rich sex goddess.

I don't mind a bit of fantasy and wishful thinking creeping into a story but this is just absolute bollocks.

LA

Very good narration

Father and Daughter relation could have been mellowed down in course of time.

After all 'Blood is thicker than water'

Epilogue was a letdown. Went from Hot Sauce to apple sauce.

4 stars. Could of been 5...but......................

Sylvia was doing everything she could to get her husband back and then the first day he goes out of town she has an orgy at their house? Really takes the air out of a story when the author inserts events that make no sense in order to move the story in the direction they wanted it to go from the beginning.

The stupid orgy cost you 2 points, simple as that. Sylvia was trying hard to save her marriage but you put in the stupid orgy. You didn’t need that plot device to end the marriage, the pregnancy did that. The stupid Lawyer had her on toast as soon as the pregnancy was known. That fact he keep saying more proof was needed was also a silly plot device.. Sylvia was finished it was only a matter of time. The story was good but those plot glitches ruined it.

Still 3/5

It's hard to have any sympathy with anyone in this series so just a low average

Enjoyed the other chapters but this one fell short.. I get u needed to add the orgy so he could divorce her but the result would've been the same, just a tad bit longer. Not sure why he didn't personally mention it to her when she asked to get back together and the pregnancy alone would've been the coup de grace, especially to her family and friends. I think that threat would've held her from seeking counseling. Then the ending felt rushed and basically he was divorced, then remarried in the blink of an eye while the rest of the story was alil more detailed. I feel a lot of writers on here do that same thing, detailed in the beginning, middle then the ending is less detailed and cut short. Also, her friend and lovers deserved at least a punch in the face for causing the mess in the 1st place but nothing was mentioned and he shouldn't of paid of the house....

Three comments. First, the conversations were too stiff and expository. People simply do not talk to one another like this. Long, lecturing passages that read like speeches while the other person sits and listens just do not happen in real conversation. Second, there was absolutely not enough realistic, emotional interaction between Don and Sylvia. Lectures don’t count. And third, too many cliches. Women immediately jumping into bed with Don, Sylvia getting pregnant, the total cunt of a best friend who steers the wife wrong and the wife being way too ready to believe her BS, and of course everything working out so beautifully for Don, all of this is just way too easy and lazy to write. Life is messier and happens in too many shades of gray. Teenagers think and feel in black and white - adults process their lives far more ambivalently.

Overall this series came up a little short as a result of being too long. Because of it's length some bad plot devices crept in such as the lawyer telling the MC that Sylvia being pregnant by another was not enough to prove adultery and Sylvia taking part in an orgy at a time when she was fighting desperately to save her marriage. A pity really because this had the makings of a LW classic. Marked down to 4 stars.

Well, let's see here. Rule #1. You will drop your friend Ronnie as of NOW, or I will leave you and divorce you. Rule #2. You will NEVER again consider any kind intimate behavior outside of our marriage, or I will leave you and divorce you. Rule #3. If you EVER bring up any kind of discussion related to anything of this nature, I will leave you and divorce you.

Of course it did work out well in the end for him, she will pay dearly for her blatant disregard for his feelings, his respect, and his love for her. 5 stars for a well written story.

3 stars. The story was well written, but was too long and mediocre at best. One cliche after another.

Enjoyable. Although the 2nd to last paragraph stunned the hell out of me.

... couldn't stop reading.