All Comments on 'The ABC Game Ch. 09'

Awesome story till your epilogue. You have fallen victim to the bad ending curse. Love your writing though. I know the age difference and everything but they should have ended up together.

You're a great writer. I could almost see this as a soft-core, late night, Skinemax feature film or series. But after investing all those thousands and thousands of written words into your nine chapters of this story, don't you think you could have wrapped it up better than you did with those last two paragraphs?

I really hope to see you post more stories here. I know I could expect to enjoy them, but if you will accept this one critique: Please, take as long as necessary to write the best story you can.

You took a fun little story ( early chapters) and turned it into some Macgyver, Borne identity piece of shit. No stars for you :(

Lots of poor English:

"My daughter Becca was doing good." Good is an adjective - should be "doing well."

"Epilog:" should be "Epilogue"

"Jennifer, Karen, and me spent the . . ." Should be "and I."

Punctuation and capitalization should be checked.

Further, extraneous stuff that could be cut.

I usually do not comment unless I consider the story fantastic. nuff said

Really crappy ending. It was contradicting to your entire story. Why take a cheap way out when you spent all this time building it up? You probably felt you lost control on too many characters, but too bad, this was not the way to deal with it.

Your a fantastic writer, you had me hooked from the start. Unfortunately the conclusion wasn't very good and the epilogue just flat out sucked! It's still worth checking out for all the hot group sex!