All Comments on 'The Acedemy Ch. 01'

I really, really, REALLY love this story, it build up perfect momentum and keeps going on. You know how to write!

Absolutely loved this first installment. Please follow up with more.

This was a really fun story. It was predictable but I enjoyed the ride and look forward to the next. I like how you expanded and introduced the four main characters. You definely lifted my spirits today. Good Job!!

I am looking forward to the next part of this series.

It's got a lot of potential, but it fell short. For a start, definitely get an editor. There was like a five paragraph bit that was in it's correct place, then was repeated later, completely out of place. Even a single time reading through it would have picked up on that instantly (It was where he met Hannah while carrying Amanda). It was also just not that well written. You skipped around a lot, there wasn't anywhere near enough detail.

While I'm a fan of super heroes, this guy is kind of boring. He's basically omnipotent. You can't kill him, he's apparently infinitely strong, he can read minds, has super hearing. And there's no kryptonite. And I have a hunch that given a few chapters, he'll have some other powers that we don't know about yet. Don't do that by the way, it's a crime in the world of comics.

Finally, it seems unreasonable that he needed to adjust his voice for high school. Have you seen a modern high school? By the time they're seniors, it's entirely possible for a high school male to be a full on man. 6'5" isn't that big a deal, might be the tallest in the school, but it won't be by much. Voices go as deep as you want, definitely no reason for him to make it sound high. And since he's gonna go ahead and beat up on the first person that comes near him and draw attention to himself anyway, there's really no reason for him to be hiding.

Oops, not finally. How has he been in every war? I believe that since 1930 there have been simultaneous wars in at least one instance. Consider that there's been constant conflict in Africa for around fifty and other wars have occurred during that time. Besides, these wars give him nightmares. So why would he take part in them? If he cares that much about which side wins, one would think he would display his full power to help win. But doing that would make him a pretty damn big deal, and especially these mutants, learning about mutant history, would know who he is. Again, that's assuming he basically caused the outcome of every war since 1930. Which would, of course, raise the question "Why did Vietnam go so badly if he was involved in it, presumably on the side of the Americans?"

Also I'm not a fan of him walking into a room and saying "Hi my names Zach I've been in every war since 1930 it gives me nightmares I haven't aged since then either and I'm invincible and super strong and can read minds and stuff". That's not at all reasonable. Nor is the ridiculously fast relationship formed between him and Drew or him and Amanda.

Basically, I think you need a consultant of some sort to make sure your content fits the story, and then you need an editor to make sure it's actually in there well.

But I'm a nitpicky mofo who can't read stories, even erotic ones, if they're not well written. So don't necessarily listen to me. I mean, this is on the top lists. It must be a success. But if you happen to read this, please take it as constructive criticism and try to take some of it into consideration.

It was great, keep going.

I'm heartbroken that it hasn't been updated for three or more years...

SO many typos.....

One big repetition of 4 or 5 paragraphs near the beginning.....read or get a PROOF READER!!

Good concept but could be MUCH more readable!!