by Bazzza
A Good submission,the only comment I will make is that so many porn "artists"do not know when it is time to quit.They often reach a situation where they look old before their time and completly shagged out.
Did Neville have a name change in mid-story? Other than that, a decent yarn. Who knows what the reality of the porn industry is? I thought Boogie Nights might have been close.
Your story was quite enjoyable and I liked the overall growth of your main characters.
Since you are a Brit could you consider changing some of the vernacular to American to meet with our reference points.
This is a pet peeve of mine if you are writing for the UK use ther reference points, arse being the primary on.
I look forward to reading more of your stories as you "post" them.
spoilt it by the name change from Nev to Bernie in the last part.
Overall, I like the story and its build up. The characters were we developed. There were a few errors such "Bernie" which threw me off a little. The ending could have been stronger to include sex with Marnie. Marnie's character could have developed further from the middle onwards.