All Comments on 'The Arab Marylin Monroe'

The story was a formula piece. Not much thinking went into rationale for the actions of a character. Delivery of verbal cues lacked charisma.

Here is your sentence, "I reached Sabine from under the armpits and lifted her on top of me, enjoying for another moment the pressure of her tits against mine, and of her wet pussy against mine, and then rolled her over."

Now;

I reached for her. Lifting her weight from beneath damp arm pits she settled atop me. For another moment the pleasure of Sabine's breast against mine extended my rush. We rolled and my pussy touched hers. My clit throbbed from our sexing but the action of slipping first up and then down against her wetness there came naturally. I relished the intimacy of our gentle friction.

3 stars

Lacked imagination, became predictable and flat line excitement. The ending should have been "Why? Why bother?"

Not the boyfriend's fault, the fault lies in telling a story that appears to be unclear to the author. . .

Wow, you guys are tough. Thanks for your feedback. I especially appreciate the helpful rewrite of the paragraph in question. As to it being formulaic, boring, flat lining, or being unsure of my story, I disagree. I have never read erotica and would have no clue how to make it formulaic. This intro episode ended abruptly, but if people like this story, there is a lot more to it. As to it being the boyfriend's fault - that's the character talking, not a pronouncement against men. Thank you for reading!

I didn't find it formulaic or flat. I thoroughly enjoyed it- very hot!!

I look forward to more.

This is my second time writing this comment. I guess it was meant to be that my phone died right as I was about to submit that hella LONG ass comment, lol. This time I will shorten it up considerably. I LOVED the story!!! It had a interesting storyline and didn't read like a $200 budget, poorly made, porno. It gave me great fodder to fuel my own fantasy based on this story, with a very an extremely happy and exhusting ending. *WINK, WINK*

You are a very good storyteller, with it seems, an imagination parallel to yours truely, except I don't have to power to transform my thoughts and fanstasies into words that make enough sense to make a story. It was not stale, and I the boyfriend was just an excuse for her to have an obviously, much wanted, bisexual experince. Please keep writing and learning along the way. Give us unfortunate, frustrated, single women more erotic stories to get our juices going so we can summon up the courage to get out trusty B.O.B's hiding in our underwear drawer and put it to sum much need use.

Creativity is a gift given, not a skill learned. Shake those haters off. Haters only make you famous. :)

Sometimes negative criticism is properly leveled against a piece - and other times it seems that the complainer is either just a negative person or is merely wrong. While this work wasn't perfect, it was hardly formulaic (except possibly the boyfriend - but she was straight, and to establish that she either needs a current or former man; I personally like the setup here as it establishes motive for her straying - how many different possibilities are there here? Can't say that I've run across a cheapskate boyfriend with a phobia of being in Paris before!).

No, the criticism here seems to be the work of someone intent on belittling a new author - it seems to me to be some strange sort of literary bullying.

Kiki - please take heart and continue your story. You've set up a fine scene; no, there hasn't been much penetration and there is a shocking lack of DD's and ten-inchers, but trust me readers those things never actually add to a story (best to leave precise details to the imagination). I like the characters so far, and I'd like to know more about them - perhaps during the span of time that one of them is at work we can find out more about the protagonist and what's driving her?

I really want to know more about your characters and what happens next.

Absolutely enjoyed this plot, please give us more...

I guess the comments show you can't please everybody, but I certainly liked it. Keep writing!

Man Bad. Blah Blah Blah. Insert lesbian sex and you get a raging story. LOL.