by Jimbabwe88
Enjoyed the story; very much....which also got me 'excited'..
See ya leter...!!
You should try and tone down the language. Think less porn, more story and more importantly... tell it, don't show it. Let the readers imagination do the work. It also reads like chapter 6 out of 10, the lack of any build up and the coarse language really hurts it.
In my late teens I used to babysit a 5 year old for a young couple. The wife was very pretty ( and hubby was drop dead gorgeous), the thoughts that I had about her and I were some of my earliest same sex fantasies.
:-)
Emily
Xxxx
Just commenting to say IGNORE the reviewer who said tell don't show. At least that little bit.
With any literature, ALWAYS show, don't tell.
Bill misses the excitement of his old job.
Jane throws the ball, but just misses the goal.
Tommy misses his absent father.
NOBODY is called Misses! It's Mrs.
It's going too take a whole lot of imagination to out shine that glorious depiction. Wow. ๐๐๐๐๐
๐น๐น๐น๐น๐น๐น๐น๐น๐น๐น๐น๐น dozen roses and 5๐'s
my husband and me had it off with our babysitter once, she went absolutely bananas as we took turns sucking her cunt. Then she promised to do anything we asked, and we, of course, taught her to suck my cunt, then my husband's cock together, when he spurted , I caught his spunk in my mouth then i tongue kissed her and we shared all the spunk together - the affair lasted some time until we moved away for my husband's work -- what a terrible shame
My only complaint is your stories aren't focused I'd like to see at least 3 to 4 pages a chapter you are interesting