by youbadboy
I loved the back and forth viewpoints, both ‘characters’ were willing participants so nothing degrading here from my view. I know others will not, and do not agree, and I am sensitive to those issues. While those that aren’t might have had some experiences that lead to their different opinions. Not trying to dismiss those opinions, this is just that my opinion. And why am I spending such time on topic??
I love your writing style, sentence structure…or lack thereof. Finding descriptive words that are less degrading…ex.’puss’ instead of ‘cunt’. I note this was written some time ago, and I think your last post was 2013?? I wonder if you now write professionally, as all of your stories are so well crafted, sensuous. Perhaps an anthology?
By definition, sensuous, I am able to visualize, feel, imagine the taste and sensation of touch. Your stories are a gift, an inspiration to my own ‘artistic imaginations’. And written erotica…not shared here.
There is one of your stories, “In Sara’s Pants,” that is the yardstick by which I measure not only all your other stories, but ALL stories on Literotica by ALL authors. I have it permanently bookmarked on my browser.
It is a masterpiece of the tease and slow buildup for which you are known, bringing the readers right along on the journey with your characters, leaving us all—protagonists and readers, alike—panting in anticipation of the possibilities, and yearning for release, and when it finally arrives, the excruciatingly tantalizing delay was worth every deliciously frustrating moment.
I re-read it often, when I feel I’m starting to get burned out on the writings of others, to renew my enthusiasm and remind me of how perfect good erotic literature can be.
Against that standard, as another commenter stated, this story went from 0-100 so quickly as any buildup of anticipation was almost non-existent, never mind the less than satisfactory subject matter.
I realize a writer can’t “knock it out of the park” on every outing, so I’m hoping that this story is merely one of your rare misses, and you return to the level of writing in, “In Sara’s Pants,” in your future endeavors.
All the criticisms written by Stubbyone, plus, treating a woman so degradingly is repulsive to me. That’s not how you behave toward someone you love, especially someone who gives of herself to bring you pleasure (and if treating other people like this is how you get your pleasure, you can get treatment for that). Being your sister is no excuse.
Stubbyone also stated that he bet most readers wouldn’t give this story a rating. I’ll be the exception. Even though you possess great skill as a writer, sometimes it’s misplaced and wasted on such inferior projects as this. Because I can’t give it any less and still vote, One Star.
I'd be willing to bet that a lot who read this didn't vote. Your comments on this story are considerably less than most of your other stories. While your sex scenes are amazing, the bouncing around was confusing for me. It seems like they went from zero to a hundred in a matter of minutes. Your trademark build up happened here at light speed. Character development was nearly non existent. No emotional connection to either character. Having said that, I still gave you a 5, for your incredible blowjob sequence. You are a master at describing the sex act !!! 😊😊😊😊😊
Dunno if that is an acceptable compliment in your way of speech, but in mine that is a deep heartfelt compliment.
A totally different approach, so refreshing.
You got 5* from me.
Great story, love your work, only problem is it was Packers vs Browns game at beginning and it switched to a Colts vs Packers game, lol
I loved the love and tenderness combined with the control---and hope for further stories showing more 'useage' of the slave!! Grin. The story didn't seem disjointed to me--- I could always tell who was 'speaking'--and I thought it added a lot to the story to have both sides. Keep it....up!
A bit disjointed but that worked right into the undoubtedly chaotic thoughts that they were having, the crazy experience... A fun read with some surprising depths.
I thought this was very well written. Keep up the good work!
I've been reading stories on this site for a long time and this was one of the best that I have read. It was well done from the "Bet" right through the public blow job! Great job!
I loved the story, I've been really getting into sibling s&m stories as of late and this really did it for me. You could really see the love between the siblings without the s&m going overboard. Hearing the story from both individuals was a nice addition. I really hope you continue the story.
Unlike some I rather enjoyed how you switched back and forth as the story progressed, I felt it brought a kind of freshness that this media needs. Good job, and remember nothing ventured nothing gained! I would give you six stars if it were an option!
Too much switching.......wasn't sure whose side of the story or where on the timeline the events were happening.
I just love assholes who can't stand people who dare to have a different opinion. There's a BIG difference between saying "I disagree with this person" and "ignore anyone who doesn't think as I do."
Loved the story wish it kept going because it was so hot.
I liked the different point of views and thought it made the story that much better I would ignore the comment below.
Too much switching back and forth. I quit reading after one page. Sorry, but you can do better than this.