tagHumor & SatireThe Bitter Pill Ch. 01

The Bitter Pill Ch. 01

byeightballbum©

Greetings readers! This story is not for everyone and in fact it is meant for a very few individuals who may show an interest in my work. Voting is on if you care to but it really isn't necessary. So sit back and relax, enjoy the story and I hope it makes you think.

"All rise. County court is now in session with Judge Richard P. Carmack presiding. Judge the plantif and defendant have been sworn in and no witnesses will be called."

And so it began. An excersise in futility like none other I have ever experienced. Both an end and a beginning so to speak. Court rooms have kind of a stale atmosphere. This one was no exception.

The bailiff continued. "Your honor this is court case 10-000678. Straitner vs Straitner in a petition for a divorce. Plaintiff DeeDee Straitner is suing her husband of ten years Mark Straitner for separate maintainence and life time support. Defendant Mark Straitner has counter sued for divorce. Plaintiffs counsel is attorney Sally Forth-Width of the law firm Dewey Cheatum and Howe. Defense counsel is Tom McCloud.

Judge Carmack removed his eye glasses and shoved the files forward on the bench. Addressing the Defendants table he began. "Mr Staitner I'm assuming here that your counsel has advised you that you are seeking a divorce in a "no fault state" which means that neither party is held responsible for their actions which may or may not have caused the divorce."

"He has your honor. But has also advised that since this is a court of law, and I am a defendant, that I also have a right to be heard."

With resignation in his facial expression Judge Carmack looked over to the plaintiffs table and then to the bailiff before rolling his eyes back in his head. "Very well then. Let me tell you how things are handled in family court. Since you've requested to enter a defense into the courts records, you will be the first to take the stand. Plaintiffs has the option of not taking the stand at all. Your attorney will be asking the questions, and plaintiffs attorney will follow with questions from the other side. This won't be like you see on TV is that understood."

"Yes your honor I have been briefed"

"Very well then please take the stand and let's get this over with."

With that said Mark Straitner took the seat next to the judges bench and adjusted the microphone so that he could be heard. His attorney Tom McCloud rose from his chair and taking a legal pad full of notes, he moved over to position himself along a low wood railing catercorner the witness stand.

"Mark I'm going to ask a series of questions that you may answer in a affirmative when I am done. For the record you've been married to the plaintiff now for over ten years. You met on the internet back in 1998 and began a friendly email relationship. After a few months you decided to meet and then fell in love. The result was a marriage and live in relationship that began in March of 1999. Is this correct?"

"Yes that is correct"

"And this last summer your marriage began to deteriorate to the point where this February you petitioned the court for divorce, is that correct?"

"Yes that is also correct."

"Now in your own words, I'd like you to relate what constituted the reasons for divorce."

"Actually there were signs that our relationship was deteriorating long before that. Perhaps 5 years ago DeeDee and I had a "dust up" over her drinking. That happened the day after an evening of drinking with some friends. She got angry over something I said and she proceeded to strike me on the shoulder. Three times with an open palm and when she closed her fist for a fourth strike I ducked out of the way."

"And what was the conversation the following day Mark?"

"Well she was angry with me of course."

"She was angry with you, and yet she was the one who struck you."

"Yes."

"This was a long time ago so I imagine you don't recall word for word, but summarize the outcome of the conversation."

"She accused me of accusing her of being a fat, abusive, lazy person and did I want her to leave?"

"To which you replied?"

"Well I loved her. I didn't want her to leave. I just wanted her not to hit me anymore."

"Do you recall since that time, have there been any other cases of hitting between either of you?"

"No. Our discussion ended the hitting, but the drinking continued."

Turning the page on his legal pad, Tom began again. "Describe for the court her use of alcohol."

"Well her consumption is about two and a half bottles of red wine per day. I buy a flat of four boxes, 5 liters each about every ten days. But the calculation is this, one box has 5000 mil liters and when divided by a standard 750 mil litters per bottle you get two and a half bottles per day."

"Every day Mark?"

"Yes. Some days even more. If we go out for an evening she will have other drinks and then continue once we get home. Her pattern if you will, is to start drinking during the evening or with dinner and then continue to consume the wine until the middle of the night when she comes to bed."

"I assume then you two don't go to bed at the same time?"

"Seldom."

"And by her not going to bed with you affected your sex life as well?"

"Yes it did, but rather gradual. You see she preferred to have sex in the afternoons after she woke up and had some coffee or something to eat. 4Pm in the afternoons seemed to be her preference."

"And that was agreeable to you I assume?"

"Yes until about three years ago when my father came to live with us fill time. Then we made other arrangements. Usually on a Sunday afternoon when my father would go to visit my mother in a nursing home. But then Dad didn't drive as much, so I would take him on his trips so we didn't have time to spend in the afternoons. She didn't seem to care anymore so I just let it slide."

"For the benefit of the court, would you characterize your wife DeeDee as an alcoholic?"

"Yes I would. During the course of the last couple of months I have offered to help her get into an Alcoholics Anonymous program but she refused. In her defense she has quit drinking since about February."

"Has she had any classic symptoms of withdrawal then?"

"No, but I think that has something to do with the pills she's taking."

"What pills?"

"Xanax anti anxiety pills along with her normal Zoloft anti depressant medication."

"Doctor prescribed I assume?"

"Yes"

Tom Cloud paused for a moment and stared up at the ceiling. After his short pause he began again. "Mark I'd like to shift gears here for a moment and go back to your declining sex life. Would you tell the court your side of the story regarding her affair with Evie SinClear. Who is Evie and how did that get started?"

Before Mark could speak Sally Forth-Width jumped from the plaintiffs table with a sudden flush of red in her cheek bones. "Your honor I would like to object. Counsel has asked a leading question making an assumption of a lesbian relationship which has not and cannot be proven."

Judge Carmack leaned forward towards the plaintiffs table and said "Sally, the court doesn't really care what the defense is saying. The court is only going to consider their assets in making a distribution. Defense has a right to speak. He could read from the phone book if he wants to. I'm going to allow this line of questioning to continue IF it makes the time go faster. No harm considered."

"Very well you honor, but we reserve the right to cross."

"Agreed. We all know the format here. Mr Staitner please make this as brief as possible."

"Evie SinClear was friends of ours for several years. Last spring Evie and DeeDee became closer by participating in a joint business venture making crafts for sale at local festivals. Evie got sick and needed surgery and DeeDee offered our home as a place to recoup. I was called away on a trip south to take care of my sister. Her "cheese fell off her cracker" if you know what I mean. Anyway I was gone about ten days and when I returned Evie had gone back to her home. I was later to learn that the two of them shared a bed every night, and during the day DeeDee shared intimate information about our sex lives with Evie."

"And you found this out when you back from your trip south?"

"No I didn't. It was so long after the fact that neither of them could recall. I did find out about it on December 23rd during another of our dust ups."

Sally stood up and motioned to Tom to take a break. Sally then walked over to Mark and began "Mark isn't it true that you knew and approved and even encouraged the relationship between DeeDee and Evie. Did you not even go so far as to convert some undeveloped property that you both owned into a little "love nest" for the two of them."

"I wouldn't put it that way no. I was aware from the beginnings of our relationship that DeeDee was harboring bisexual fantasies and had even been in a previous bisexual relationship. I did encourage the friendship because for the first time in several years DeeDee was genuinely happier. I thought at the time it was a good thing.......as long as there were some limits."

Sally acted surprised at Marks admission. Seizing the opportunity this provided she pressed ahead with her line of questioning. "While we are on the subject, doesn't it seem a just a little bit hypocritical of you to encourage her lesbian friendship and then turn around and seek a divorce because of it?"

"I never said that I was seeking a divorce because of her lesbian relationship. I'm seeking the divorce because DeeDee is a lazy alcoholic. Has always been lazy, or at least so I've been told."

"Lets address the alcohol question shall we. You didn't request any witnesses so do you have anyone who can back up your assertions? Like close friends or family."

"Actually I've come to learn, like most enablers that I was embarrassed by her drinking and in most circumstances didn't tell people about it. I knew it was wrong and unhealthy of her to do it.....but during a routine physical exam back in 2002 her doctor warned her of a possible heart attack if she didn't change some of her risk factors."

"What risk factors was the doctor referring too?"

"Heavy drinking and smoking, being 40lbs overweight and not being willing to exercise."

"And has DeeDee had a heart attack Mark?"

"Not yet. But there's still hope."

Sally scoffed at Marks comment and returned to her seat again motioning to Tom to take back the floor. DeeDee shifted in her seat and visible beads of sweat were beginning to show on her forehead. Judge Carmack picked up a rubber band from his desk and began to stretch it idly between his hands.

Tom turned his legal pad to the next page and began "Mark you mentioned a "dust up" on December 23rd. I'd like you to elaborate if you would."

"Well DeeDee, Evie and I were out for an evening. They had made arrangements to sleep at our house. In the car on the way to an event, DeeDee told me that she had put the heater on in the upstairs guest room so that I would be comfortable. Well, that comment hurt my feelings, what with being denied my normal sleeping arrangements so I told them they could just take their sex toys and sleep upstairs as I was not moving out of the bed room. Later on the way home, after several taunts by DeeDee during the evening I stopped the truck and faced DeeDee. I reminded her of a conversation we had many years ago regarding her ex husband and his girl friends and how she didn't mind the girl friends as long as he didn't shove it in her face so to speak. Then I told her she was acting like her ex husband did, and was shoving her relationship in my face. We rode the rest of the way home in silence, and when we got to the house the three of us sat down at the dining room table and had a lengthy discussion. I told em flat out they had hurt my feelings and from start to finish I didn't think I was being treated with respect."

"So what was the result?"

"Well I thought I was quite clear about my feelings but the two of them pretty much denied everything and got angry with me. Then they went on up to the guest room for a night of passion. The next morning they were both angry with me and DeeDee told me I was wrong to have confronted them both at the same time. Which I did for a purpose you see."

"And the purpose was?"

"I had suspected that DeeDee was not only lying to me, but to Evie as well. I think DeeDee had a plan all along of seducing Evie. It was well known in certain circles that Evie was bisexual and had a 6 year long relationship with another woman. I was not in the circle that had that knowledge and if I had that knowledge things may have turned out differently."

"How would you have acted differently?"

"I sure has heck wouldn't have been so nice to her."

"Lets move ahead Mark. Tell the court the result of the dust up."

"Well one of my objections was that DeeDee and Evie always had to take advantage of me and use our house for their trysts. As I said before my 95 year old father was living with us and he was sure to suspect that something was going on between them. Evie has a house, or rather she lives with a guy who has a house. His name is Kent. Why not stay at Kent's house? Well DeeDee said that since it was winter and roads were slippery and she didn't like driving her small car on slippery roads well..... I wound up buying her a new car. An all-wheel drive car at that."

"After you bought your wife the car, did they then spend time at Kent's house?"

"Oh yeah. Especially when Kent was working second shift. DeeDee would go over there and sometimes spend the night."

"And you continued to keep your temper then?"

"Oh yeah. I thought that sooner or later they would tire of it and things would go back to normal."

"And did DeeDee continue to taunt you. Like throw it in your face type taunting."

"Those words seem kind strong but yes. She'd ask me if there were some better ways of pleasing Evie. Pretending innocence in knowing what she was doing. I told her one time to try dressing up and painting her nails. Wearing lipstick and some of the other things she'd let slide over the years. Well, the feed back I got from her was that it worked, and that the two of em actually chuckled how nice I was to make those suggestions."

"And did that make you feel like a cuckold Mark?"

"Very much so. It hurt like hell."

"Well Mark, you were a cuckold."

Tom McCloud is a tall man. He stretched his legs a bit and then circled back to the defendants table and took a long drink of water. He cleared his throat and returned to his previous position and once again turned another page on his legal pad. A small snap was heard through the courtroom as a rubber band sailed over the empty jury box. Nothing was said for a moment, and then Tom continued.

"Mark, as I understand it you put up with DeeDee and Evie for some time. What was the turning point. When did you finally decide to ask for a divorce?"

"Well. DeeDee usually takes a winter vacation out of state. Visits either my sister or her daughter and son-in-law. This year she wanted to take Evie with her on her vacation. The plan was for the two of them to spend a few days with her daughter and son-in-law and then head down to DeeDee's lake house. The trip was delayed and just by chance her daughter and son-in-law also decided to get a divorce. He was cheating on her and was treating her very poorly. DeeDee went down there to help her daughter in the situation she was in and after they were there a day or so the shit hit the fan."

"What happened."

"Well Deeds son-in-law is a police officer. He suspected that Evie was either holding some drugs or DeeDee was carrying a gun. Well while the girls were out, he searched their luggage. And I expect he found their sex toys and the double ended vibrating dildo. When they got back, he threw them out. They left in a hurry and headed down to the lake house. They called me when they got there and gave me the low down. Later on they got drunk and then Evie sent me a short video titled "Nipple Golf."

Tom stifled back a laugh. Paused for a moment to regain his composure and then after just the right time had passed asked the question. "What is Nipple Golf?'

"When DeeDee and I first got together our bedroom was on the second story. I didn't have a window screen in the window next to bed. One morning I placed a freshly rolled booger on her aroused nipple and flicked it out the window using my fingers. We coined it Nipple Golf. Some of our friends had knowledge of it, but mostly it was a kept secret."

Mark took a deep breath and took a pause for effect. Tom was looking at the ceiling with a strained look on his face. DeeDee had sweat drops now dripping in her eyes and the judge was bent over seemingly tying is shoe lace.

"And then what happened?"

"I was hurt. Shocked actually that the two of them would do something that cruel to me. I suppose they were mad about being thrown out of a house by a man and they were just mad at all men and since I was the only one they could hurt.......well they just did it. I sent them a text message that DeeDee should get her head out of her ass and that I wanted a divorce. I followed that up with an email as well. I haven't changed my mind since."

Tom took a moment to get another drink of water and went back through his notes. Glancing over to the plaintiffs table he asked "Sally did you have any more questions?" Sally leaned into DeeDee's ear and made a whisper. DeeDees expression changed from one of embarrassment to one of anger and motioned her approval.

Sally addressed the judge. "Your honor, my client has changed her mind. She is requesting now to take the stand to tell her side of the story.

Part two continues with DeeDees side of the story. Stay tuned folks. This just keeps getting better and better. 8BB

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