All Comments on 'The Bonnet'

hope to see more of these two.

I like the way you describe the action and the characters. I only attempted one same-sex story, Bruce's Last Night in the Erotic Horror page, but you might enjoy some of my efforts at

http://www.literotica.com/stories/memberpage.php?uid=753793&page=submissions

Very well done! I like how you cleverly space out the descriptive details, it keeps us in suspense about the dynamics of the attraction and the roles the two characters are 'playing.' Since we don't know right off that Neeka has a tough, punk exterior, it makes it all the more interesting when we 'see' her mohawk and realize how tough she likes to present herself, even though she's feeling flustered and shy in the face of Alice's aggressive come-on. And that, in turn, makes the shifts in the top/bottom roles in their lovemaking more exciting and surprising.

I also just love the way you communicate all these little shifts in mood, like the stillness and shyness between them once they get out of range of the club's music. These are great touches, and make for a very sexy, intriguing read! I really like the characters as people too, and you've made them very believable.

More!

Sloppy copy. "Definately" for "definitely". If Alice is 5'5" and Neeka is 5'7', then how possibly "I could feel the satiny fabric of her forest green halter-top rubbing against my navel," unless Neeka is dancing on her knees? How could "her hand moved under my tattoo" unless she skinned Alice like a deer? "couple blocks" for "couple of blocks". "drivers seat" for "driver's seat". Finally, anyone who drinks Johnnie Black and Coke doesn't deserve a 1969 Corvette Stingray. All that said, good hot sex.

A sequel is the bear minimum for this entry! We've got to have a series, with all of this momentum, going! Please, at the very least, consider it.

This one was quite long enough.

Lesbian _ Penelope.