The Choices of Evelyn Ch. 01-03

When it was over, someone proposed a toast, and many followed. The rest of the night was a blur in Evelyn's alcohol-soaked mind.

The next morning things still were a blur when she woke up in Olivia's tussled bed. She rose with a groan and stumbled over to the bathroom, emptying her stomach in the toilet. Gathering her stained clothes, she left the room -- casting a last glance at the silent shape of her still unconscious would-be fiancée on the bed. Without making a sound, she pulled the sparkling ring off her finger and left it on the nightstand next to the woman's face.

She tasted the vomit in her mouth as she rode the elevator down to the lobby.

***

Chapter Three -- Leila.

Leaving the hotel suite, Evelyn swore to never fall for the temptation again -- not with Olivia, nor with anyone who had lured her into the sweetly perfumed and utterly superficial quagmire of La So's lesbian scene. But in the light of day-to-day boredom, it proved hard to confine herself to what she considered the healthier side of her life. She decided to bury herself in work, which was both a good and a bad thing. Her sexual distractions had made her fall behind with her clients to the point where they threatened to take their business elsewhere -- or already had. She needed weeks to repair the damage and another few to attract new business.

The bad thing was that she only saw Leila in the weekends -- and even then, only part-time. They used to hike and have picnics, go shopping or see movies -- all sweet sober, healthy things that had to yield for work now, just as it had yielded for the club's shenanigans in the months before. Leila never complained, which only resulted in neglecting her more. And when Evelyn's horniness overwhelmed her, she used the girl to get off quickly before falling into an exhausted sleep.

Olivia kept calling and sending e-mails that became more urgent with every passing week. She wanted Evelyn to come with her to her Columbian paradise, subtly pointing out how hard it must be for her to make a living and keep her business afloat. Was it worth all this work? Was it worth losing all her fun time? She knew Evelyn was proud of her independence as a businesswoman, so she took care not to hurt her ego. Especially at times when the girl complained about things going less well, she told her how much easier life could be. Through her network, Olivia could get her enough and much nicer projects, if she wanted to.

One weekend night -- or very early morning, really -- when Leila stayed over, Evelyn woke up from a bad dream. She was soaked in sweat and knew she wouldn't catch much sleep again anyway. So, she left the quiet body of her girlfriend and went to her office where she sat down in front of her monitor. Moments later a signal beeped. Olivia came on line and instead of clicking her away, Evelyn started chatting with her. They used a web cam connection and it showed Olivia topless, her huge, perfect chest on display. She whispered urgently to Evelyn, while fondling her nipples.

Evelyn kept her eyes closed, just letting the stream of sexual innuendo wash over her starved imagination, while her fingers rubbed her clit. A sudden gasp startled her. She turned in her chair, looking straight into Leila's face. The girl pointed a trembling finger at the monitor, asking:

"Who... what is this? What are you doing?" Evelyn was hopelessly aware of the compromising location of her sticky fingers and the erotic, very live picture on the screen.

"Oh, sweetie," she tried. "It really is nothing, okay? Just work, uhm... just a thing I..." Tears jumped to Leila's eyes.

"Bullshit!" she cried out -- a word Evelyn had never heard her use before. "Don't lie to me! You really think I'm a stupid fool, don't you? Just stupid little Leila you can cheat on as much as you like?"

"But Leila, sweetie," Evelyn tried again, weakly. The girl turned around and as she walked away she yelled: "Fuck you, Evelyn! Do you really think I'm stupid? All these months? You can have every big-titted whore you want. I'm out!"

Evelyn found herself standing stupidly in her white t-shirt, her panties down her ankles, staring at where Leila had left. She groaned. The soft metallic voice from the computer asked if everything was all right.

Only minutes later the apartment door closed with a bang.

***

Evelyn cried for hours and hardly left the flat for days. She tried to phone Leila, but only got her voice-mail, which she filled with unanswered messages. Olivia called her and sent her e-mails that she didn't answer.

Then one day her doorbell rang. Evelyn was still in her robe when she opened the door. It was Olivia, made up immaculately and dressed in her sharpest suit. Behind her was a black cab, idling.

"Get dressed, girl, and come with me. We need to talk," the woman said in her most businesslike voice.

"I can't. I have work to do," Evelyn said, hesitating whether she should close the door or invite the woman in.

"You don't," Olivia answered, solving her dilemma by walking in and taking the girl with her. "Go fill a suitcase, sweetheart. I have a present for you and you can only say "no" to it after you've seen it.

"Now hurry, the world doesn't wait."

Evelyn had this thing with Olivia that she could not explain. She knew how to refuse what the woman pushed her to do, but never in her face. She always found a million good reasons to say "no" to her, but only afterwards when she was on her own again. It was a weakness she hated. At every confrontation, she felt an urge to please the woman and make the awkwardness go away -- which she regretted immediately. So, she went out of her way to avoid confrontations. And if she couldn't avoid them she gave in, just like she did now -- hating herself for it at the same time.

Her mind raced with subdued anger and powerless resistance while her hands filled a suitcase with blouses, bras and skirts, panties, shoes, stockings and toiletries. All the while, Olivia was talking, telling her she needed to get out, meet people and see places. She told her how unhealthy it was to give in to loneliness and to wallowing in misery. Not to mention what it did to her skin.

Even after they slid into the car and drove off, Olivia went on and on, her words effectively pre-empting Evelyn's reasoning.

"Where are we going?" she asked at last. But Olivia just took her face and placed it in her lap, stroking her hair.

"You'll see," she said, smiling. "Take a little nap, darling, you'll need it."

When the car stopped, Evelyn saw they were at an airport. The cab wormed its way through throngs of other cabs and buses to reach the curb in front of the glass entrance. Evelyn saw the bustle of people and luggage, it always filled her with the excitement of travel. Not this time.

She touched Olivia's arm, but the woman ignored her. She was busy instructing the driver who piled their baggage on a trolley. So, she tugged at her sleeve until Olivia turned to her.

"I...I don't want this, Olivia," she said, raising her voice over the din of traffic. "I told you. I don't want to go."

"Yes, you do," Olivia said. "It's too late now, anyway. You promised, remember?" She turned away and followed the driver and their trolley inside.

Standing alone at the curb, Evelyn felt lost. She may have promised, but she did not want this. What could she do? Her suitcase was inside already, and she had no transport home. She doubted if she even had enough money. She went inside. Olivia waited halfway down the shining hall, looking back. She waved impatiently.

"Come on, girl, we don't have forever." Evelyn once more froze. She heard heels rapping an angry tattoo on the stone floor as Olivia strutted back to her. "What is it, sweetie?" she asked, pulling the girl with her. "We came all this way. You can't let me down now?" Her hand was around Evelyn's arm, radiating warmth.

"I don't really want this, Olivia, okay? It is very sweet of you, but please, another time?" Olivia looked around. She was getting agitated. Her effort to keep her voice down gave it a sharp and hissing quality.

"You can't do this to me, you, ungrateful bitch. I offer you the world and you say no? I have been busy for days to organize this perfect holiday for you and you throw it back into my face?"

Evelyn saw frustration break through Olivia's mask of sweetness. Her first reflex was to accommodate. A familiar feeling of guilt crawled into her heart. Don't be difficult, silly girl, a little voice said. She knew that voice; it was her mother's. 'Don't you dare resist this powerful, wealthy woman, you insignificant, worthless creature. She gives you all this in her infinite goodness and you refuse? Did I teach you this ingratitude?'

Heat rose from her collar. The world seemed to shrink around her, as she focused on the eyes of the woman. Then she shook her head, let out an explosion of pent-up air and grabbed her suitcase off the pile on the trolley. Its tiny wheels shrieked and weaved behind her as she ran out of the hall and on to the bus stand. Her heart was in her throat. She still panted after sitting down in the bus that would take her home -- whatever was left of it.

***

After returning from the airport, Evelyn had tried to pick up her work-only routine again -- no Club, no Olivia, no Leila. It took her three days to admit that going on like this would slowly drive her out of her mind. But she wouldn't go back to her brain dead, fucking-around club life, ever. Sitting alone, sipping wine, she considered her life. She agreed that there were after all only two things that were important to her. One was her independence through building her small graphic business. It was maybe the only thing that might save her from a total breakdown of self-esteem. The other thing was Leila.

They had so much in common, both spit out by their families for admitting that they loved each other. My God, how sweet and beautiful Leila was, how nice and uncomplicated their life. Why hadn't it been enough? How could she ever have let the fake mirage of Olivia and the other club's perverts come between them? How could she have been such a completely stupid, selfish bitch? No more escapism, she swore. But how would she ever get the girl back?

Leila didn't answer her phone calls. She didn't respond to her e-mails or the letter Evelyn had slipped into her post box, after sitting in her car for two straight hours, watching the girl's little suburban house -- too scared to ring her doorbell.

It was after another fruitless night of too much wine and moaning self-pity that she concocted her crazy, desperate plan.

***

The car hummed around her. It was as if it tried to drown the booming of Evelyn's heart. Leila didn't live far away, but far enough to make her discomfort grow with every mile she drove. Even though a short little raincoat gave technical cover to her nude body, she felt naked. Her eyes were fixed on her speedometer. She'd die if the cops would stop her and ask her to get out. She was certain that they (and everybody else) would know she was naked -- and that her pussy would be flowing with excitement, as it already did anyway. She moaned while praying the ordeal would soon be over -- too scared to wonder why it aroused her in the first place.

Merciful but chilly dusk covered her walk to the house, where a bright automatic porch light cruelly lit up the entrance the moment she approached. It turned the porch into a blazing stage. Before climbing the few steps, she wondered if she had to obey the promise she'd made to herself in an encouraging cloud of alcoholic confidence. Then she undid the belt that held the coat together. The smooth lining slid down her naked skin and made her shiver. She shrugged, and the coat fell around her feet. The cool air licked at her nipples. Oh God, she prayed, trembling. Oh God.

Walking up the steps she knew her nude body was silhouetted against the porch light. She forced her hips to roll with confidence, so at least her body would defy the fear in her heart. Her finger found the bell's button. A loud, clear sound shattered the quiet evening. She sank to her knees and bent her upper body into submission. Her face touched the porch's wooden floor. She closed her eyes, hearing the blood pulse in her ears. As the door opened, there was a gasp.

"Oh, my dear God," a well-known voice uttered. She looked up. Leila was in her sweats, looking down on her -- a hand over her mouth.

"I've come to ask for your forgiveness," Evelyn croaked. "Please tell me what I can do to prove how sorry I am. I'll do anything." Leila looked nervously left and right. Then she stepped back and tried to close the door, but the naked girl reached out to keep her from succeeding. "Please," she begged. "Let me back in. I missed you more than I can say." She moved forward and closed her hands around Leila's ankle. Then she started kissing the foot at the instep, removing the flip-flop sandal. Leila protested. She reached down to stop the naked girl, but Evelyn went on licking the foot, her red curls dancing around her face. She seperated the big toe from the rest and dug her tongue into the gap.

"Stop this, Evelyn," the girl pleaded, once more looking around if people might see. She stepped back further inside, but Evelyn never let go of her foot. "Come inside then, for heaven's sake," Leila said, allowing the naked girl to crawl across her sill. Then she quickly closed the door behind her.

"Are you mad?!" she cried out as soon as they were in private. "Stupid woman! I have to live here, you know?" Evelyn sat on her ankles, smiling sheepishly. Her pale chest was flushed with excitement. She shrugged.

"Well, I had no choice, sweetie. You never answered my messages, so how else could I tell you that I was sorry? I am, you know? Very much. I'm prepared to take any humiliation to prove that I love you."

Leila was a beautiful girl, petite and elegant, dark-haired and olive-skinned. Her eyes were huge, set in a cute, immaculate face, framed with night-black curls. Leila was also very private. Discovering her lesbian inclination and her family's response to it had shocked her into shyness. Where it had unmoored Evelyn, making her drift off into a life of secret debauchery, it had caused Leila to always be careful and do the decent, conformist thing. She was a corporate girl, needing all her energy to cover her secret up with a painfully conventional lifestyle. Evelyn showing up like she did, naked, right at her public doorstep, might have thrilled her deep down. But it scared and irritated her more. Evelyn had betrayed her -- who knows how often. And now she tried to destroy her carefully protected public image with this tasteless show. She was a selfish bitch, never minding the lives and needs of others. Right now, Leila hated her more than she loved her.

"I don't want this, Evelyn," she said, pulling her foot away from the girl's grasp. Evelyn dropped her head and sighed.

"Please take me back, sweetie," she mumbled. "I'm so unhappy -- all alone in the apartment without you. Alone in the world; nobody loves me. Please forgive me and take me back." She rose and wrapped her arms around the girl, searching for her evasive mouth; then kissing her throat. "Let's make love, Leila. Please, let me make sweet love to you," she mumbled into the skin. "I missed you so." Her hands touched the soft bra-less breasts under the sweatshirt. The hard nipples betrayed the girl's arousal -- or was it the night's chill?

They found the bed and Evelyn's mouth found Leila's clit, licking the girl to a back-arching orgasm. But the moans that announced it sounded frustrated -- and the aftermath was drowned in sobs and tear-stained misery.

"Please go, Evelyn," the girl whispered when she regained her breath. "You really must go and never come back."

***