All Comments on 'The Coffee Shop Ch. 04'

Glad to see you are back and still working on the story! Things are starting to develop and flesh out a bit. I'm looking forward to learning more of Peyton's backstory, including finding out where she got such a complex about being 5 years older. 23 is not a cougar, and the number of times that that cliche is repeated is a little distracting. She harps on it so much that sometimes I forget the character is supposed to be 23, and I think she's 35 or so.

There were a few other things that I noticed:

You misuse the word impertinent: "Now Peyton was certain that she definitely needed to talk to her parents. It wasn't impertinent before, but it entirely was now."

Impertinent means rude. Pertinent means relevant. You perhaps meant to type that it wasn't pertinent before, but was now. The word 'entirely' is unnecessary in that sentence.

You wrote that "Daniel told his partner it was 'accidental anarchy'." If her father Daniel really was the Chief of Police, he wouldn't have a partner. He may have said that to a Lieutenant or Detective, but Police Chiefs never have partners.

Lastly, Peyton picks up the kitchen phone to find it is her mother calling, and her mother says "Please tell me you aren't still at that briny old Barn". If her mother called the kitchen phone, and not a cell phone, her mother would obviously know she was at The Barn, because she called the Barn number.

Well done! I hope you continue the story and I hope Bernie gets what he deserves!

im completely addicted and cant wait for the next installment...i hope petons parents will be as understanding as they sound! Please post soon :)

So glad she got Caleb out of that awful situation with his terrible father. It should be interesting to see how Caleb and Peyton's relationship will continue to grow.

Hopefully her parents will be cool and not say or do something to disrupt what they have going on there. I know it's still more of a friendship, but it's surely leading into more intimate territory there. I understand Peyton's reluctance to take things any further, considering all that Caleb's been through and also with Peyton's past, and her issue of not really wanting to be touched. And then there's Chelsea, and he seems to care for her quite a bit. Hmmm..things could get a bit sticky there.

This story has such a wonderful realism to it.

Another beautifully written chapter. Already looking forward to the next one!

Its's like you can just feel the tension!! Pls write quickly, that was awesome!!

xx

This is a great story!

V3

LOVE this story so far... it's unlike any of the others i've read on this site.

~TJ

dont leave us this way T.T right an update when u are going to get the nxt chapter out

Really enjoyed reading this and the previous chapters, pretty much in one go. Thanks for a very engrossing and fascinating read and please update this story asap. Thanks!

Very talented writing ..... Love it

Really liking this story, I know it’s not brand new, but it’s got me both rooting for and afraid the principals, so many episodic stories lose steam as the writer gets bored or loses inspiration. 5* all the way through for me!