The Commuter Train

After we got our coffee I followed her on the train lingering a little behind her. As we boarded the train I watched as she sat in her usual seat. When I approached my seat I heard my mind telling me ... "Go ahead Dottie ... do it ... you know what you want ... do it ... sit next to her." I passed my usual seat and started to get closer to her seat. My heart was pounding, my adrenalin was flowing and I knew ... I knew I could not resist my impulses.

"Hello," I said to 'her' in a soft yet firm tone of voice. "Do you mind if I sit with you today?" Then I held my breath! "God, it had been so long since I had this feeling ... this feeling of taking a risk ... of going out on the limb! Then I watched as she turned and looked up at me. I watched the pretty face, the big eyes as they opened wide with foreboding and the redness on her face cheeks ... an indication that she was involuntarily blushing again.

"Aahh ... no, no ... not at all ... ahhh, please do," she replied in the cutest somewhat nervous female voice I had heard in a long time. For some reason the sound of her voice and her big eyes reminded me of 'Bambi' ... Bambi, the cute little doe prancing through a beautiful wild flower patch deep in the enchanted forest.

"My name is Dottie. I noticed you on the train a few days during the week and since we seem to be kind of familiar with each other I just thought it was time we met," I told her trying my best not to sound too assertive.

"Hi Dottie," she replied in a somewhat nervous tone of voice that to me was adorable. "My name is Deni ... ahhh ... glad to meet you. Yes, I noticed you too when I'm going to work."

'I noticed you too! Four little words ... but oh God, what an ego builder for me! It was like music to my ears and reaffirmed my credence that I was right in my suspicion that she had indeed been looking at me in the past.

"Deni," I said now in a more cheerful tone of voice. "Deni ... wow, that's really and unusual name. Unusual and pretty," I said to her. "Geeze, someone must have thought a lot of you to give you such an unusual and pretty name. Sometimes I think my mother really wanted a doll or something. Why else would she give me such a common name like Dottie?"

"Oh no ... no, not at all," Deni replied in a tone of voice that sounded as though my self-depredation made her feel uncomfortable. "I really think Dottie is a nice name and ... aahhh ... a pretty name too."

My eyes were riveted on her lips as they formed the word 'pretty.' I watched as though suddenly everything was in slow motion until finally, the sound left her lips and they returned to their normal position. I felt my inner self begin to fill up with emotion as I instantaneously thought of what it would be like to kiss those beautiful lips and to taste her delicious looking lipstick. Just as quickly as I had drifted somewhere, I came back to reality.

"Well, I guess I really didn't have anything to say about choosing my name anyway, so you know the old saying 'give me the power to change the things I can change and to accept the things I can't change," I said to Deni trying to get my thought processes back to as normal as best I could. "What do you do in New York?" I asked trying to change the subject to a more impersonal one.

"Oh I'm working on a research project at Jefferson Memorial," Deni replied. "But it is only temporary. I'm really employed on the faculty at Oregon State University and am kind of on loan to Jefferson Memorial."

After talking for a lengthy time, I was able to ascertain that Deni was only in this area for another month. No, she was not married and ... no, right at this time she wasn't dating anyone. Yes, she was kind of on the 'rebound' from a prior relationship with a man from Oregon. She was commuting from Connecticut because she was afraid to stay right in New York City and found that she somehow felt safer in the suburbs of Connecticut. Of course, I told her all about myself, my new position, moving to California, etc.

During our conversation my mind would drift back to my first sexual encounter with another woman. 'Penny' ... the beautiful blonde headed, bright blue-eyed beauty I had met on a trip to Australia. Penny was 'bi' also, and like me at the time, married! When we first met, the last thing I would ever imagine was being intimate with Penny. It just happened!!! And, oh God, when it did happen it was like a whole 'new' part of me was suddenly awakened. I recalled Penny and my own very first orgasm together. Penny had a 'bi' affair before when she was younger so she had some experience. But Penny was my first. On occasion I would swear I could still hear her voice ... her sweet voice with that wonderful Australian accent when we were reaching our peak, and going over the edge. Penny was 'helping' me, 'directing' me, and making me feel comfortable with my new found bisexuality.

Now, as I sat next to my pretty new acquaintance, Deni, for some reason I just closed my eyes for a moment ... and I could hear Penny's voice again ...

"Yes Dottie ... yes baby ... yes honey, that's it, that's the spot ... oh goodness yes sweetheart, suck me right there ... oh baby Dottie ... you have a good tongue ... yes, yes ... put your tongue in my pussy deeper honey ... yes, that's it ... yes, in and out ... oh my God Dottie ... I going to cum honey ... yes, turn around Dottie ... I want to do you too ..."

In another minute I would have exploded here, right on the train, right next to Deni. I opened my eyes and tried to reorient myself, to bring myself back from my sudden 'daydream' and I felt my lubricants start to flow. It was always the same when I thought of Penny, when I heard her voice so clearly in my mind, and when I thought of our very first, perfect, and beautiful thunderous orgasm together.

"I noticed you are only on the train on Wednesday, Thursday, and Friday," I said to Deni, purposely mentioning the days to give the impression to her that my observation of her was a little more than 'casual.' "And I also noticed that you are not on the train on my return trip in the evening."

I could see this statement had the effect I had hoped for on Deni. She actually made a 'gulping' sound that again reiterated she felt a little uncomfortable with the knowledge that I had been looking at her with more intensity than would be considered 'normal.'

"Oh ... ah ... yes ... ah, well ... I ... ah ... I work three twelve hour shifts," Deni replied in a tone of voice that seemed to indicate that she may have some doubts in her mind about disclosing this information to me.

I remained silent! If she was going to tell me any more, I wanted it to be voluntary on her part. I knew this was my last day before I moved to California, and while I knew my time was limited, I also knew this was the only way I would ever know if Deni was more than just looking at me as just another woman on the train. Even though I was very tempted to be more inquisitive in my attempt to develop my sort of 'connection' with Deni, I forced myself to remain silent. After a pause that seemed like an eternity to me, I heard the sweet voice of Deni again.

"And a ... well ... ah ... I always catch the nine o'clock train back to Connecticut," Deni finally volunteered, the tone of her voice was changing to a little more comfortable sound. "I kind of like it that way. The nine o'clock back is never crowded so I can kind of spread out," Deni added.

I felt ecstatic at the way she offered this information on her own. And I knew if I wanted this to go any further, I was going to have to get bolder and at least a little more personal. I recognized the feelings building up inside of me about Deni. They were the same feelings I had the very first time I met Penny. Now it was time to test Deni's feelings!

I took a deep breath. I was very nervous. I hesitated for a while. My mind was processing information tenaciously and rapidly. "I was thirty-nine years old, was in excellent shape physically, worked out regularly, had a lot of men trying to date me, was the recipient of many 'indecent proposals,' and was at the top of my game in the profession I had chosen," I was thinking to myself. "Penny had found me very attractive and had told me once that any woman who had 'bisexual or even lesbian' inclinations would also find me hard to resist. Could it ever happen again? Could it happen with this pretty woman Deni?"

The more I thought about it ... the more confident I felt. I knew I could never live with myself if I didn't find out or if I thought I had passed up a chance that I would always regret.

I put my hand on Deni's knee. Then I turned to look at Deni. I saw Deni's hand moving toward my hand and her face turned toward me. I looked her straight in the eyes ... those wondrous big brown eyes! "Deni, you have the most beautiful eyes I have ever seen," I said to her in a very soft voice ... then waited! My heart was pounding so hard I thought it would break through my chest! I had taken the chance! I had cast the bait ... and now I had to wait to see if this beautiful woman would bite!

Slowly ... oh God, so agonizing slowly, I felt Deni's hand touch the hand I had casually placed on her knee. By the startled look on her face in response to my hand and my statement, I feared the worst. I started to tremble a little. "How much time has passed," I asked myself ... a minute, 5 minutes, and hour?" Of course, it was only a second or two ... but they were tortuous seconds!

First I felt Deni's hand encircled my hand. Then, slightly at first, she squeezed my hand. I felt her fingers move to the palm of my hand and she squeezed tighter. Her beautiful lips started to form a small smile, a warm smile, a welcoming smile! "Wow," she said in that high pitched sweet feminine voice that already had made its mark in my heart. "No one ever said that to me before. Thank you Dottie, that was very nice of you."

I let my hand move up her leg a little more. With the grip Deni's hand had on my hand, she could have stopped me if she wanted to. I could feel the fire inside of me, the familiar awakening of my sexual senses and I knew I had to know ... I just had to know!

"Geeze Deni honey," I said gaining more and more confidence in adding this last term of endearment, "I can't believe no one has ever told you that before. You also have very beautiful lips and you are really very pretty."

Deni had stopped my hand just two inches from her 'secret place' ... and I was glad! I didn't want to push this approach too far and yet I found it very hard to stop. But I also wanted to give Deni some control over the situation too, to let her feel she was a part of it and wherever it was going. But she only stopped my hand ... she didn't try to push it away. Rather she gave my hand another squeeze as if the say 'not now, not here.'

"Oh ... thank you Dottie," Deni replied in a really sincere and soft voice. "I think you are very beautiful and I thought so from the very first time I saw you."

We were just arriving at the station in New York and everyone was getting up from their seats. I found myself wishing I had been more forthcoming toward Deni weeks ago. From what Deni had just told me, she too was attracted to me and it was only now, on my last day on the East Coast that we were both discovering our attraction to one another. Then my thoughts were broken by Deni's voice.

"Well, we are here Dottie," Deni said.

"Ah ... ah, yes," I answered and started to get out of my seat and out into the aisle responding to Deni's movements indicating she was ready to leave.

I stepped out into the aisle and moved backward to let Deni who had occupied the inside seat get out. As luck would have it, we got separated by a person and Deni was in front of me. Then we were separated by more people until Deni was somewhere up in front of me and I had lost sight of her. I felt myself begin to tense up! "God," I thought to myself, "I'm never going to see her again."

As I stepped out onto the train platform the crowd of people had increased to 'morning rush hour' size. I didn't see Deni anywhere. I felt tears begin to build up in my eyes as I looked all around. Then I bit my lower lip, took a deep breath and decided to let it all go. In one instant of 'daring' I had found this beautiful woman ... and just as quickly she was gone! A feeling of loneliness swept through me and even though I had known Deni only a very brief time, the feeling of loneliness and of losing someone or something very precious and dear was the same as if I have known her all my life.

I walked off the platform and into the train station proper. I started toward the entrance leading to the taxi stand oblivious to everyone and everything around me still trying to 'shake' this feeling of despair.

"Dottie ... Dottie," I heard her voice. For an instant I felt my heart move up into my throat. "That's her voice," I was thinking as I turned around to see Deni walking fast toward me.

"Geeze," Deni said, "I thought I lost you in the crowd. I just want to say good bye to you and good luck with your move and your new job," Deni kept talking to me in a tone of voice that indicated she had been running.

"Oh God Deni," I replied leaving out a sigh of relief. "When I didn't see you and you seemed to disappear I thought for sure I offended you and ..."

"Oh no ... no, Dottie," Deni cut me off in mid sentence. "No, I wasn't offended but honestly, another woman never touched me that way and well ...," Deni continued obviously having a hard time putting into words her thoughts or feelings. "I think it better if we just leave it go ... ok?"

"Sure Deni, sure," I answered, "but can I leave you my address and phone number, you know, just in case for some reason you ever want to call me or if you're ever in my area. Maybe we can share a cocktail or two?" I held my breath and waited for an answer. I knew in my mind this was a gamble. After all, even though we had been exchanging glances for a few months now, I really had just met her ... just talked to her. "What the hell are you doing Dottie," I heard my own mind questioning my verbal actions. "You've spent exactly an hour and fifteen minutes on a train ride to your office with this woman. What the hell do you think your doing?"

"Yes, that would be great," Deni said. "Heck, you never know when I might get to California."

I gave Deni my business card and quickly wrote my new home address and phone number on it. My hand was shaking as my mind was still questioning the wisdom of what I was doing. "My God," I thought to myself as I was writing, "you're acting like a young school girl instead of a successful business woman!" I handed Deni the card.

"Ok ... ok, Dottie," Deni said as she took the card. The tone of her voice had changed and it seemed to indicate that she was accepting my card more out of kindness and consideration for me rather than seriously wanting my address and phone number. I could feel a sinking feeling ... the feeling one gets when it is becoming obvious something is taking a downturn and not living up to expectations.

Deni looked at the card, and then turned her pretty face toward me. "Dottie ... ah ... can I ... ah ... well, I was wondering if I could ... ah, give you a kiss ... ah ... for good luck," Deni said in a tone of voice that was full of her nervousness at suggesting something so very bold. I knew she added the words 'for good luck' as an after thought ... 'her security blanket' I thought.

"I would love that Deni," I replied, the surprise apparent in my voice at Deni's most unexpected yet welcomed suggestion.

Deni brought her lips up close to my face cheek. I felt her soft lips on my face, as the scent of her light perfume floated through my senses, capturing me, filling me with a feeling of light-headedness and mentally taking me back to my very first kiss with Penny. I kissed her back on her face cheek and marveled at the taste of her skin.

Our faces parted and we looked at each other from a very short distance. Our eyes were locked on each others eyes, peering, searching ... questioning! I swallowed hard as I heard my mind working again ... "go ahead Dottie, just do it ... you know you want to."

Slowly, as through my body was now functioning on my inner instincts, I moved my lips closer to Deni's lips. Then they touched her soft lips and I held them there for a moment. I felt Deni's lips respond ... trembling a little and then pressing harder on my lips. Immediately I felt the awakening of my bisexuality, my appreciation for another woman's softness, scent, and taste.

I felt Deni's hand go around my waist and come to rest on the small of my back just above my buttocks. The first touch of her hand somewhere on my body other than my own hand was like adding a log to a fire within me that heretofore had only been fed by kindling. She pulled me a little closer and kissed me deeper. Before I could respond ... and oh God, how I wanted to respond ... she was gone!

Deni pulled away from me. "I have to run or I will be late," Deni said as she was moving away from me. "Good luck Dottie," and ah ... ah, thank you."

Every thing in me wanted to shout 'wait, oh geeze, please wait' ... but I couldn't! My mind was telling to run after her but my body wouldn't respond. Instead I watched Deni disappear into the crowd. I watched as the last of her was gone. I was here in the middle of a very busy train station in the center of New York City with people rushing helter skelter, talking loudly, horns blaring, and I didn't hear a thing. It took me a few minutes to dispense with this 'lost' feeling inside of me. Then, as though my body was operating on automatic pilot, I headed to the taxi stand and my office.

The rest of the day was a blur! People were constantly coming into my office to say good-bye, wishing me well, and congratulating me on my promotion. It didn't matter. Not even when the CEO of the company came into my office with his entourage of 'want-a-be's' ... it was almost impossible to feel any sense of excitement or exhilaration. My thoughts were on Deni ... and they just wouldn't go away.

As I left the building for the last time my taxi driver was waiting for me and he was right in front of the door as usual. Long ago I decided the best way to avoid getting into the almost insane stampede for a taxi at this time of day was to make a deal with one taxi driver ... and tip him well! I did that with Bert, my sixty year old gray haired driver, and he never failed. Rain, snow or sunshine ... he was always there.

He opened the back door of the cab for me and as I got in I noticed a box on the back seat. I moved the box over and sat down as Bert was getting into the driver's seat.

"Damn Bert, what are you doing, making deliveries too?" I asked him.

"Nah," he answered in that New York 'tough guy' voice that I had became accustomed to over the years. "It's for you Dottie honey," he said, "go ahead and open it."

"Holy God Bert," I replied as I opened the box. There were a dozen long stem red roses in the box. "Geeze Bert, why the hell did you do that, damn you don't make that much money."

"Dottie baby, it ain't bout money," he replied. "It's bout love Dottie. Just my way of saying I love you and am going to miss you very much."

For a moment I sat back on the seat and thought of all the nice things that had happened to me today. I thought of all the 'important' people, the 'beautiful people' as they are known to many, that came to wish me good luck and God speed on my new venture, And yet, the two most important events today was this gesture by Bert and of course, my riding on the train with Deni.

We arrived in front of the train station and as usual Bert ran around the taxi to open my door ... for the last time! I stepped out of the car and gave Bert his fare plus my usual big tip ... for the last time! Bert held out his hand for me to shake ... for the last time! The realization that I would not be seeing Bert every day finally hit me like the proverbial ton of bricks. I didn't take Bert's hand. Instead I gave him the biggest kiss on the lips I could and then slowly, without a word, pulled my head back. I could see the tears in Bert's eyes. He looked at me intensely ... without a word. Neither of us could speak. Bert finally turned and got back in his cab and I clenched my lips together to keep from crying and then in an instant ... he was gone.