All Comments on 'The Contract Ch. 03'

I am NOT talking about the when the author has the next chapter.

I am referring to the the husband dragging this out for weeks without any explanation. Frankly it is ruining the story. Not until the END of chapter 3 do we see any ral movement and it is the wife .. the cheating emasculating wife... that finally files.... and does so in Public

why did the husband wait so long ? he has had the video evidence for weeks?

this needs an explanation but there isnt any offered.

Nice story and great writing. I'm glad that he went proactive as it served him better when he was blindsided by Tonya serving him with divorce papers. Thanks for sharing this great story.

Very different and interesting, thanks and keep writing.

When does this dude get laid?

There are not many ways left to approach the "cheating wife" story but you managed it without seeming stale. The introduction was tight without getting the reader lost and still enough to attract attention. To this point the plot is well developed and the plot points have been introduced to be explained in the rest of the story. I liked seeing the different POV between the company and employees in the firing. The glass working information was just slightly tedious. The reasoning for the marriage failure was exceptionally well presented, reason without blame. Now you enter the critical portions of the story where I see so many authors here misstep.

Much of the input from readers here seems to be more harsh the necessary, especially for a newly contributing author so please keep that in mind. The minor typos and mislaid words should have been caught before publishing, really no excuse for those mistakes when they are so basic and easily corrected.

Overall I am very happy to see you contributing to "literotica", and I am looking foward to reading the next chapter. anon jerry

Frankly, I don't yet see where this is going beyond the obvious divorce from Tonya and--if he's lucky--a threesome with the chicks. Still, you're doing a nice job of making me give a shit about where it's going, which means you're doing a great job of writing a nice story.

First time, you say? Me think not. It's too polished, and getting more polished with each submission.

Keep up the great work!

Is there some reason why you over (overly) explain everything, drag everything out and then take so much time betwewen entries that we have to go back and read the last chapter???

You're killing it and then you have her embarass him with papers, in front of everyone, at the game. You sure as hell better come up with some humility for her & Ben. No harm, no fowl divorce, split all - sure BUT do something to put this cheater and her stud to shame...sue the school or something, post the video, whatever.

So, how about it, think you can re-interest your readers?

divorce is war and take no prisoners.the vampire is the right one for hubby.

This story is really getting good!

Your Male character has serious anger management issues that should have left him with two broken hands. Not a way to start a new life melting glass without his useless and soon to be ex wife.

boring and your main character you have made out to be an idiot.

Please consider the source of anonymous comments as being without substance. Yes, there are some rough spots, but the prose is getting better, as is the story. I will be looking forward to the next installment.

I hope the next chapter has more "meat" in it. You are sure drawing this out.

So I hope to see more movement and what the "vampire" exacts on this cheating bitch !

Why has he waited so long to serve her or doing anything about her cheating?

I have to say he is pretty "wimpy" when he has been around her or his so called confronting her. This part is pretty lame.

Still interested! Thanks for writing!

But I agree, he definately needs some anger management. So what if she served him at the football game? So what if she cheated on him, that's life, you learn to roll with the punches or you get roundhoused into next week by them.

WHY do that? WHY did she HAVE to serve him in public?

The Husband if anything tis oo passive... he isnt abusive in any form He isnt mean or cruel or Harsh .

so WHY do THAT? why not serve him at say work? or at Home?

Sure shit happens... lets assume the wife was really torn up inside and that she THINKS she has fallen out of love with the husband and is now love with Ben... and has been screwing Ben for many months.

so WHY serve him there?

if you cannot see this as an intentional act DESIGNED to crush and humilate him IN PUBLIC then yoiu are one god damn stupid bastard.

I'm really hoping this is a "torch the bitch" story becasue its been awhile since I read a good one and so far this is building up to be a pretty good story. I'm enjoying it as much as DanielQSteele's "When we were married" which is also incomplete.

I'm guessing Paul is going to discover that his wife has been squirreling away money for a long time preparing for the divorce and shit is gonna get good(or bad depending on your perspective). I'm also guessing that Tonya is going to end up barren from the STD but I hope she and Ben end up jobless as well or worse.

PLEASE TORCH THE BITCH!!!!!!!!!

I am answering some of the questions.

About typos - I didn't find an editor, and I am trying to catch the typos myself. This series is going to be completed without an editor. I promise on my next submission to get an editor.

About length between chapters - I am writing these with an outline, but I am trying to modify the story to the comments I recieve. With the 3 day wait between submission and publication, there is a long delay between chapters. The next chapter will be published tonight.

In the future I will write all of the chapters, and have them edited, before submitting the first one. This removes the ability for the readers to comment and suggest changes to the story. If having the writer modify a multi chapter story due to reader feedback is important to you, then you will have to let me know, and you will have to expect delays between submissions.

Sex - *** SPOILER *** I am working on plot and character development right now. The next submission has some sex, but not with Paul, the main character. He will get some in the 5th, 6th, and 7th chapters. with different women. He does hook up with the Mariy and Sherri for a threesome, with an asian woman at the dojo, and a forth woman. I am warming up to that. I am somewhat fearful of my ability to write a good sex scene.

Serving the papers - *** SPOILER *** Tonya went home and found Paul's clothers were missing. She calls his work and find out that Paul has been fired. She then goes to the bank, and finds out that Paul had took 65% of the money out of thier joint accounts {because he planned of giving her the house}. Tonya thinks that Paul is about to bolt, and then she sees him at the football game. What do you think Tonya should do? I had her call her lawyer and serve the papers ASAP!

Karate -vs- Kempo (I figure this is coming)- Paul starts out in Karate, but switches Dojos. He actally goes into Kempo and Kendo. (This comes out later)

Timeline (dragging this out for weeks?) - The banquet was on Wednesday, and the football game was on Friday. Everything has happened in 48 hours. Mary did have an fling with Ben over a year ago, and has been stalking Ben, and video recording his movements. But Paul is dealing with everything in a very short time.

The cheating bitch - *** SPOILER *** I have tried to paint Pauls version of the world through his rose colored glasses. I have also tried in this chapter to show with the video of the parking lot, that true reality and percieved reality may be different. Paul has withdrawn from Tonya for almost five years, and Tonya has been emotioally starved. He has his reasons for his actions, as well as Tonya. But I have painted a dead marriage, and I will try to allow all parties to heal (Except Lenny Goodwin, he is a throw away character). P.S. I am falling in love wth the lawyer, Carol (the vampire).

Tediousness - This does have a point. It goes into the character development of Paul. Of all the characters, Mary is the only one who has figured Paul out, sort of. If anyone has read the Chronicles of Thomas Covenant, the Unbeleiver; there is a lot of tedious reading before the story takes off and flies. This is like that. (Sorry)

Thank you for your comments, I am editing the 4th chaper as I write this. I will have it submitted tonight.

gWe are gettint a very good crop of new writers. I shall wait eagerly for the next lot.

If you are going to write a story, try to make the character at least a semblance of what a real human being would be like. The wife is all over the place. A cheating bitch that serves the husband in public then claims she is doing this for both of them and then is startled he knows of her cheating. That and the convoluted, tedious plot where our poor here is the inevitable victim and nothing works out is just to hard to take seriously.

One of my favorite authors (who is now deceased) is Joesephus; he wrote a story called The Best Revenge is a Life Lived Well which had a young lady attorney about like Carol. I hope that the soon-to-be-ex husband ends up with Carol...

No way should the two cheaters be allowed to stay in teaching, and with each having a S.T.D. and the asshole Matts history it would be criminal if they wern't gone after. Really enjoying this, thanks.

cant wait to see how it plays out.

would'nt it be ashame if Tonya ends up sterile and ex has children

from 2 women :)

First I was amazed to find that the author would cite Thomas Covenant. I wonder how many of us have read all those books!

Second I was happy that the author confirmed my feeling that the timeline was very tight and that considering that he only found out the previous day there is no delay. Yes there has been a lot of character development which makes a good novel. I do believe that I will just sit back and enjoy...

you're letting your story wander into completely un necessary areas... it makes it a tiring read. Stay focus, building a charater is good, but the extra details are a distraction.

Paul was thinking of high road, I think it is good she did just that, because it will trigger him to make it dirty for her, every one is free to find happiness, so was she, but problem is when you find someone you leave your current spouse hanging, it would have been easier for him if she had mentioned that she was not happy with him, so he could atleast try if he wanted to.

According her she kept him in darkness, when she leaves him, she did not know weather he loved her or not anymore, Suppose he loved her, would that be devasting for him, but she did it anyway. Cheating is not always that bad, but atleast try or warn your spouse if he/she wanted to win you back or wanted to give it try. 8 yrs of loyalty deserve atleast that.

But as low-life she was, she had to do that last shameful act humiliating him in public. Some may think this is not a real cheating wife would act. But I think it more real than any thing. In most cases it happens this way, mostly it is loves idea, he suggested it because - if she conforted him in private he might try to talk her out, if lover went with her, husband might end up hurting, so this not new, And dont think one should take high-way on such wife, simply her inappropriate relation with coworker is suitable in school, student learns from teachers. Making it public some other people can learn lesson.

Some readers here, thinks it has been going on for weeks, but what i read her is only 3-4 days, he is not taking weeks, he is thinking too much, or writer is writing to much about what he is thinking.

chap 1- her wife is cheating

chap 2- others know

chap 3- he is served

Story is moving very slow pace.

Good story keep writing, it would be much better if after waiting so long we get more than that.

an ok chapter

I've been watching for your chapters in this story and read it last night (6/11?). I wanted to post a comment but got tied up. The short version is thanks. I've enjoyed the story and I'm looking forward to the rest and anything else you choose to submit. Like a lot of other readers, I welcome new writers to this site. I started reading stuff on here more than a year ago as a spook popping in. Never submitted comments, but I read. I've read the stroke stories and they're not bad, but you can find them on a lot of sites. The loving wives or cheating wives or marital breakup stories - whatever you want to find them - I haven't been able to find anywhere except SOL. And I like Literotica's better. I read all of the established writers, looked around and after awhile there wasn't that much new that I really liked. So I sat down to write one of the kind I liked to read. I'm assuming you probably followed the same process. So that's the "welcome" part. I look forward to new stories from you. A few other points: (1)You're another long form writer -if this story is any indication. Some people just don't like long stories and there's nothing you can do about that. Ignore the complaints about getting to the point. The point is the story you're telling. The tedious stuff is what makes it a better story, at least for me. (2) I like your hero. I'm intrigued by your wife. She seems like a miserable bitch, but I want to see what happens to her. (3)You've thrown in a really nice angle with couple of hot chicks wanting a baby. (4) It's nice to see somebody else who loved the Thomas Covenant series. I always thought that the great and different thing about the Covenant stories was that it was epic fiction featuring not a sword wielding hero, but a conflicted 20th century anti-hero who fought with everything in him to avoid becoming a hero, but couldn't help himself. I'm going to have to go back and re-read all three chapters to see if I'm making the connection correctly. (5) You have to do what you think is right, but I've tried to avoid telling readers too much about how the rest of my series "when we were married" is going to go in future installments. Some people think it's almost over, is over, or is halfway through. I kind of like keeping people in suspense. And it seems like readers want to be surprised. Right now they're pissed off at the wife, Debbie, but things change. I've given people hints about other characters, but I personally think that giving away the future plot is like a girl giving it to a guy on the first date. It might satisfy temporarily, but in the long run I think it diminishes interest. And (6) I love the glass blowing stuff. It sounds like you know what you're talking about.

...love the somewhat complex plot. 3 points. First, I can't see how you can categorize contract negotiating as craftsmanship. And to become a "Master" crafstman takes 20 years or more, or 40,000 hours, at least. Two, "Karma", is not something you"Bank"! It is not necessarily a positive, just the sum total of actions taken and responses endured. Three, workers comp has nothing to do with whether you are fired or not. Lastly, it was bizarre to read that there is an "unincorporated" locale in the U.S. within 15 miles of a University. Not in Alaska or Maine, the two states with the most percentage of unincorporated areas.Thanks again for an interesting read.

On Master Craftsman - The 10,000 rule is from Dr. K Anders Ericsson. I would call Jimmy Hendrix a "guitar master". He purchased his first Guitar in 1958, and by 1965 was playing with Ike and Tina Turner, Sam Cook, the Isley Brothers, and Little Richard, and this includes an enlistment in the army where he qualified as a paratrooper. I stand by that one.

On Karma - Yeah, you're right. But shows like "My name is Earl" gives readers the idea that good and bad karma is bankable. It's not. A good life should be lived for the soul of the person living it. I do feel that Paul thinks he is trying to live a moral life, and he feels that he has "earned" some good karma.

On Workers Comp - You absolutely got me. It should have been unemployment that he had the potential to draw.

Unincorporated with 15 miles of a university - What university? There is a town with a high school. The property is going to turn out to be next to a river, and 80% floodplain. There is a Dojo, which means that there is a huge population of Japanese Americans in the area. The town that I had in mind was Fairfield, Iowa, which has a 2000 population of 9509. Fairfield has a rather skewed population, it has a large Indian(Asian) population, rather than an enlarged Japanese population. Fairfield does have the Maharishi School of the Age of Enlightenment, but it does not count as a university.

On the Thomas Covenant series - Wow! I hope I haven't set myself up for failure. I will have to say that you had to slog through pages and pages of Leprosy before the author defined the main character, and one of the first acts he does is rape a woman who is trying to help him. It made it difficult to continue reading, but then the story takes off. I do not have the writting chops to even think that I can compete, but I did have a lot of setup to do to start this story.

About not breaking his hands. - Yes, I had to work at that one, and that's how I decided what Tonya and Ben's occupation were. Paul is actually not angry at Tonya, but at her job that he feels is blocked his dream of an idealized marriage where the husband works and the wife raises the children. I needed him the reel at the Job, and I tried to figure out a way that he could try to destroy an office, without getting hurt. Yeah, I was going for symbolism.

About "Torch the Bitch" story - It was not intended to be that. Paul is lusting after Sherri in the first chapter. I wanted to show that Paul also was close to commiting adultery too, but pulled himself back. I tried to give the appearance that either party was on the verge of infidelity, and it was just a matter of time. I think I failed at this, sorry.

This story is about trying to fit your life into that preformed mold that everyone is told that you are supposed to fit into. Almost everyone fails, and the question is how to you resolve that.

I am hoping that these comments help, and allow you to enjoy the story more.

Why go the route of making him a grand master kung pow chicken fist of doom of the 82nd dan, rather than just a guy who can handle himself (not the kinky kind)? "I feel nothing as I tenderize my fists against this nice and fuzzy friendly cinder block. Rawr." I've been mad and punched up inanimate objects before, but I always stop after the first or second good punch, 'cause it hurts through the mad, and I like having functional joints on my extremities. At least you didn't make it a spontaneous development and completely against all other established character traits, so thats good I suppose.

where is the sex

You not only old, you must be senile to write this dogshit !

Don't Like what he write go read elsewhere.

Now that the bullshit is out of the way the real fun starts. Five stars

quite a turn in events here. maybe she will find out that she shouldn't have done it that way

to be confused by some convoluted sections. This chapter = the whole resignation/firing business. He could get Workman's Comp - NOT! And why was he so obsessed with filming the three of them at the game. I doubt he could really find a place for the camera to do that. I'll keep reading - for now.

Wasted money on black belt any dojo worth a shit teaches control of temper -response to provocation -and not use martial arts unless life threatening or close

Workman's compensation for injury

Unemployment even can be lost if employer fights it for reason

As manager been there done that

Not trying to be over critical but can't change story now but for others edification or 180 degree response

Too much

Wow, how does this guy close 20-million dollar contracts when his brain seems to be stuck in second gear most of the time? Interesting tipping point for the story, hope it peaks soon.

"She cut me off. "No Paul, you cannot get a jury to buy that. What they will buy is that a Martial Arts black belt had found out hours ago that his wife was cheating on him, and he tried to goad three guys on so that he could kick all three of their asses. That image right there will be used to show that you were not happy about rescuing the damsel in distress, but instead were disappointed that you couldn't get all three of them to attack you at once. Paul, there is no doubt in my mind that a jury will buy this explanation over yours. You didn't even ask the woman if she wanted your help, and a Knight in shining armor would at least to do that, too. Is it just a coincidence that your first street fight in ten year just happens on the day you find out your wife is cheating on you? I really don't think so! "

This "legal analysis" is inane.

He better MARRY Carol, otherwise her billable hours and percentage-of-recovery will be in the millions!

⭐⭐⭐⭐

It's a petition or a complaint. A decree or judgement is the concluding order ending the case