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Jean watched intently as the glowing over her entire body became brighter. Her eyes fluttering open, even with the glowing he can see the pupil and iris flicking back and forth, fingers twitching muscles jerking as everything comes online. A shiver runs down his spine, the activation of servators always gave him the creeps. She calmed down after a moment, eyes staring off blinking every so often. He walked up to her with a confident smile. "Hello Toy... How are you feeling?" She looked at him, facial expression neutral "Hello Master, I am adequate." her voice was monotone, no emotion or feeling. He watched her eyes, deciding to test the programing he leaned forward his mouth next to her ear. "Boo." he heard a shaky gasp next to his ear and leaned back, looking at the blue-green eyed girl her remembered from yesterday. Her breathing fast, her heart fluttering in her chest which he could see so well. "Beautiful..." he smiled to the doctor. "She's just perfect."
- COMMENTS
Anonymousabout 11 years agoThe story changes from past to present tenses and back again and there are some spelling errors and omissions.
I think asking someone else to help edit might also iron out concept, direction & plot development.
Anonymousabout 11 years agoGross, seriously. Keep the weird shit in Sci-Fi, or if your reader is actually meant to get off on the Transformation shit, in Fetish.
