The Devil's Gateway Ch. 02

Jabs came out, her eyes drawn. They'd put an extra recliner in the room for her, but sleep had been difficult.

"We'll be back later this evening. We'll make some sandwiches for your supper if that's okay with you," Sally said.

"That's fine, and thanks. Right now I think I better try to get Paula to eat something," Jabs said.

We all got through it and into the next day too. Mary had gone to their houses and made sure they had changes of clothes right off. Paula did come out of the room long enough to stretch her legs too, and go to the cafeteria to eat a bite, but then quickly went back; she hardly spoke. Mary was with us, and did her best to give comfort to Paula.

When it was nearly evening, we were all there, Sally and Ariel having arrived just minutes earlier, when it finally ended. We knew it when we heard Paula's scream. The nurses and doctors came out, and ran Paula and Jabs out for a minute while they did what they could to try to resuscitate Liv.

"Liv was awake for a minute, then gave it up," Jabs told us. "At least she got to tell Paula one last time that she was the light of her life, then she said 'Sola Veritas', closed her eyes, and a few minutes later, she quit breathing. Damn it," Jabs said, letting her tears pour out.

Caryn and Ariel were with Paula, but all were close by. When they gave us all time to stop crying, they asked who they should call for the body. Jabs called the mortuary, and had Liv's body taken to her house. They knew that there'd be a throng of people wanting to pay their respects which would be limited to those from the club plus any from her classes. That's how she told Jabs she wanted it, then after a day, to be cremated.

Some of us quickly prepared a lot of food for the small wake at Jabs' home the next day. That night, since there were three bedrooms, Paula stayed with Jabs as Liv had expressed her wish for her to do so just in case the worse did happen. Sally and Ariel shared one room, and Caryn and I another.

The next morning, the flowers began to arrive though Jabs had told everyone not to send any—it was outsiders who sent them. The people started to arrive also, and it seemed the whole club was there, as well as all of those from her classes. There were many hugs, and tears flowed enough that could have flooded the street. Paula was taking it hard, such that she took a pill to relax her so she could nap in the early afternoon.

What was surprising was that there came a great company of preachers and priests to express their condolences. They didn't expect what they got from Jabs.

"We just wanted to express our condolences, and to say that this never should have happened," the one that was the spokesman said. "If we can, we'd like to say a few words, give a prayer for her soul."

They all had their turned up collars on, and some of them held bibles in their hands. One face really caught my eye immediately. He didn't seem to like being there, by the expression on his face, which he barely tried to hide. Quickly looking at them all, I noticed a couple of others who were doing a better job of hiding their distaste of being in the group too. Jabs had to of noticed it too, it was so obvious.

"Liv, the lady that was shot, was one of the finest, kindest, caring persons anyone could ever hope to meet. She never did anything to hurt anyone, in fact, all she did was to help those who needed help from the persecution of the various churches that condemn them for being as they were born to be. All of you, in your history, understand being persecuted, if you'll think back to your beginnings. That being the case, I'm sure you'll understand that at this time, you're not welcome. In fact, I think it behooves you to rethink what your attitudes are about people who don't bring any problems save to your sense of personal belief.

"Liv did nothing but show love for her fellow sisters, did nothing but help them to understand themselves—nothing subversive was ever preached unless you count Sola Veritas as subversive. That was her belief. Your beliefs brought her death, and great loss to our community that only seeks to be as we are. Now tell me, is your belief worth the death of this fine woman?"

They more or less shuffled their feet. They were fearful of saying what was in their habit to say since they saw the television cameras. They couldn't risk putting their beliefs in the public view, at least not at this time.

"Now, if you will, if any think of sending flowers, don't. Any money that would be spent on them, direct it to a charity that somehow helps people. Now please leave."

When we all went back inside, Paula was there, the now seemingly permanent tears in her eyes, but a peace on her face. She went to Jabs who hugged her.

"Thank you," Paula told Jabs.

Jabs kissed her cheek, then they parted. All of the others were kind of speechless, but there was absolute approval of Jabs for what she had said.

Paula got through the day and evening. That was all we could expect at this time. It was rough on Paula, but we knew it would probably get rougher, at the cremation ceremony.

* * * *

Getting up early, a couple of us cooked some breakfast for everyone, then we went home, showered, and dressed. The memorial service before the cremation was to have Paula speak, but I wondered if she would be able to.

It affected us tremendously. It affected Caryn much more than I'd realized for at the memorial service, she went to the front and spoke about Liv's courage, and her tenacity, and then about what would seemingly have been Liv's motto if she'd of had one—Sola veritas! Then Paula spoke.

"She was the light I needed in this dark world, this world with so many hating us for being women who simply know within their hearts that they love other women, or as Liv used to say, 'We don't need a reason to be as we know we are.' Liv made my world more than bearable, more than worth living. Her love was like that. She once told a class—the only one I'd attended, at least near the end of it—that I filled her so much so that nothing could pass through her, not even tiny particles that commonly shot through rocks, or even the earth. My tears of love were instant," she said, and had to stop for her tears flowed hard once again.

It took her a full five minutes to gather herself to finish saying as she wanted to.

"I won't say that Liv would have forgiven the man who shot her, nor the preacher of hate who prompted him to do this to her. No. I can't say that, but I can say as she did, that one day it would come down to this if people kept treating religion here as if it was the most pristine thing under the stars. Why people won't look at what they deem is right, yet so filled with hatred and malice, I have no idea, save as Liv said, 'They've been doing this for thousands of years, and there's no understanding it save that they fear what they don't know, or fear we'll suddenly know what the real truth is and they'll lose their hold on all of us.'

"That's sad! All of us who knew Liv, who heard her cite proof after proof, and from their own work, know in their hearts that they all have lied to us, many, if not most of them, knowingly. So what do we have to look forward to ourselves? Love! Love and each other. That's all that we seem capable of knowing for none has ever experienced an afterlife and come back to tell us about it.

"There are those who say it did happen, but that story was written long after it was supposed to have happen, over thirty years in fact, and no one knows who did the writing. We have a right to be suspicious since there are so many things that are very bogus, and so many questions that rely purely on us believing some other person, who maybe knew someone who knew someone else. That sounds like a scam, and all of the contradictions in the bible don't keep any from thinking that it is a scam.

"It's not just pedophile priests, it's their history from before they ever put their church together. It's their history in not knowing what should be, and what shouldn't be. It's their history thru the ages of fighting and killing each other for primacy of being able to dictate what we should believe, what their minions should shove down our throats. Liv couldn't abide that, at least not for us who love others like us.

"Liv said 'There's nothing wrong with most of us. We don't need fixing, we need being respected for being as human as everyone else, for having the right to be as we wish to be, as we feel our love is for another. The days of arranging marriages for daughters is at an end, or at least it's supposed to be. We are all supposed to be free to chose our own way, to chose the person we want to love and be with.

"I was fortunate that Liv chose me. From a suicidal, mixed up woman, I became a person who was sure of what she was, and what she wanted. It was all thanks to Liv. For that, all I can say is 'Thank you, my sweet love, for all the love you have given to me, as well as to all who needed your special love'. And I thank all of you for helping me to get past the ignorance of the many, and for all the love you've given to me, and to Liv.

"Liv always said that she didn't believe that the god portrayed in the bible was truly god, but that she also had no idea if there was, or wasn't a god, that there are so many mysteries in this universe that we don't understand. When we do understand much, much more than we do, we may again begin to wonder if there truly is a god. But if there is, that god, for sure, will be much different from the genocidal, baby killing one that is given to us as god. There is so much to yet be discovered.

"Personally, I do wish there was such a thing as a heaven forever after, for all eternity, for that is what I would wish for Liv if we can't be together here always. I will forever miss Liv, my personal savior, my love."

Long before she was finished speaking, her tears had flowed steadily. Many of us were crying right alongside of her, if not everyone. I can only guess that Paula found the courage to speak as she had from the one who saved her, who taught her to love herself as Liv loved her.

There were many others who wanted to say something about Liv. In a way, it startled me that she had literally touched so many lives and loves, for many were obviously partners.

* * * *

Home, we were somber. There was no need of worrying about Paula, Jabs having told us that she was taking her out of town—where to, she didn't say. We ate a sandwich for supper, then showered again, and went to bed.

"I still can't believe she's gone," Caryn said after much silence.

"Me too," I agreed. "We may not have known her long, but it was as if we'd lost a best friend. I guess that's what she was to many of us."

"Yes, I Think so. That sounds so true."

Shortly, we were making love, but once more, it was as if strange, yet sweet as could be. We went after each other with a gentle fervor, a need to know our love, to sense it always with us.

Afterward, I lay against those lovely lips of hers having given them some honest to Goddess love, and I felt her pussy still vibrant, tingling, throbbing within, and it thrilled me like crazy. Even more, it was the same with her. Caryn loved to love my pussy, then hold it afterward, but the mood was still as it never had been. When I felt her pressing her cheek to me, my pussy so satisfied, then rubbing against me, giving me those little kisses, it did things inside of me that I thought were telling me that this was life.

Things had been strange to Caryn for the longest of times. When she got out on her own—more like she felt she had better leave home or go crazy—she tried as best she could to reconcile what she knew she couldn't deny. Caryn saw her need to love with another woman as a nasty and decadent desire. Her religious upbringing had been so filled with an unforgiving brand of god for so many years, and she knew her parents believed in that religion fervently. Both church and family had burdened her mind causing her heart to sorrow over what she'd been taught were sinful desires. Still, there was no way she could deny her impulses, her heart's need.

From time to time she went to lesbian bars, but she couldn't allow herself to connect. Her conflicted self set her nerves to literally drive her away. When we met and Caryn wanted to do as was in her, but couldn't bring herself to do as she wished; all of the forces of hell would come to her later as she tried to sleep.

Caryn had moved, transferred, her heart still hoping for the love it desired. When she finally gave in and went to where I met her—thanks to Ariel—it was kismet, but there were many problems that we had to face and fight through. Though I was patient with Caryn, my love of her so deep, yet somehow I knew I'd never be sure that we'd ever make it. At least not until we went to Liv's class. Liv did open Caryn's eyes to the truth—or maybe I should say all of the lies that were passed as truths—and our love since then has more than survived, it has flourished. We were lucky to have met Liv.

Where things will go for Paula from here on out, we have no idea, but we do know that she's in good hands—or rather, arms—for we do know that Jabs loves her maybe as much as Liv did while she was alive. Where other lesbians would go for help such as Liv provided, that we don't know either. That was one void that sorely needed to be filled, if that was possible. I hoped it was.

~End~

Bibliography of books quoted in sequence of citing:

The Bible: A Biography, Armstrong, Karen, 2007, Atlantic Books

Why We Do It, Eldredge, Niles, 2004, W. W. Norton

The Bible Unearthed, Finklestein, Israel, and Silberman, Neil Asher, 2002, Touchstone

From Eden To Exile, Cline, Eric H., 2007, the National Geographic Society

The Resurrection, Vermes, Geza, 2008, Doubleday

The Jesus Papers, Baigent, Michael, 2006, HarperCollins

The Two Babylons, Hislop, Rev. Alexander, 1916, A & C Black, Ltd, England,1943,Loizeaux Brothers, Inc., USA

Losing My Religion, Lobdell, William, 2009, HarperCollins

The Elephant In The Room, Zerubavel, Eviatar, 2006, Oxford University Press

The Faith Instinct, Wade, Nicholas, 2009, Penguin Press

Evolving God, King, Barbara J., 2007, Doubleday

God, The Failed Hypothesis, Stenger, Victor J., 2007, Prometheus Books