"You seem off." Sven picked Mimi's plate off the table, one eye on her as he walked into the kitchen. He dumped the crockery in the sink and sat back down at the table. Mimi was still biting her nails and looking listlessly out of the window, mute. "I said, you seem off." He repeated, louder this time. "What's wrong?"
"What?" Mimi looked up, baffled, rubbing her thumb with her forefinger, blood bitter on her tongue. "Oh sorry. It's nothing." She smiled and stood up, kissing Sven on the temple, then rubbing his shoulder blades through the thin cotton of his t-shirt. "I'm glad to be home, that's all."
"Yeah, well," Sven squeezed her hand, "Now you know how I feel. Travelling all over like that."
"Hmm, " Mimi was still absent-mindedly pushing her thumb against Sven's shoulder, her eyes transfixed on some distant thought and the glittering city beyond. "This weekend was...a little odd for me."
"Why?" his hand flew to her hip and he pulled her into the chair next to him. "Did work go okay?"
Mimi nodded, her mouth curling up at the corner, like old paper, "When I was there -- on this team-building thing -- I...I, um, met someone I used to date, way back when." She shook her head, her eyes on the ridged wood of the table.
Sven's face fell and he narrowed his eyes, "What happened?" he asked, "You didn't-"
"Oh god, no!" Mimi's hands curled around Sven's forearm and she forced a smile, "No, no." she retorted, "Of course not. Sweetie, I would never-" she shook her head, "But it made me realise just what you mean to me." She wound her fingers into his, "It reminded me of all the shadows." She whispered, her voice thin as though it were trapped in some far off place from which she could not escape, shouting into the future. Mimi did not look at him and Sven gently placed his hand on her cheek, turning her head away from the thoughts that hung in front of her like some feverish dream.
"Well, hey," he smiled, flashing his teeth, "They're gone now. No need to worry. I don't understand - "
Mimi nodded, taking a deep breath, her hands cupping his face, "We are so lucky." She sighed, "To think that I found you..." her thoughts trailed off and she planted a soft kiss on his mouth. Groaning, he pulled her nearer, so that she was forced to sit on his lap, their bodies pressed together.
"It's okay." He said, rubbing her hip gently, trying to sooth her, as if doing so would wear a hole in her soul so that he could peek in and pull the darkness out.
"Sven, tell me something." Mimi turned towards him and slipped back into the chair next to his. She leant on the corner of the table. "Why are you with me? Really?" she asked, her face still twisted into a mask of doubt.
Sven's brow crumpled and Mimi noticed the muscles in his jaw tense. He sighed heavily and ran his fingers trough his hair. "What the fuck is wrong with you, huh?" he looked up at her and took a deep gulp ofwine, "No matter what I do there is this doubt." He spat the word at her, "I don't know." He snarled, "You tell me, huh?" He slumped backward into his chair, defeated.
"Oh, I'm sorry." Mimi sighed and she gingerly gripped his hand again, he pulled away sharply. "I had this horrible thought." She looked away, trying hard to blink back tears, "I had this horrible thought that you might just be with me because...because of, you know, the kink."
"Oh for fuck's sake!" Sven slammed his fist onto the table and his glass fell over, shattering sending a pool of inky wine across the dark wood. "Will you stop with this? Please?" he asked, his face incredulous. His fingers dug into her arms, desperate, "I do not know what else I can do." He bit his lip, "to show you what you mean to me. And I cannot be the person to get you over the dark that your doubt has pulled you into." He pulled her nearer, ignoring the shattered glass on the table, the stain spreading outward. "You helped me through so much." He whispered, "You never laughed, or lied or judged me. You were -- are - the funniest, smartest, most cynical woman I have ever met. I love you so much it actually is an ache in my chest." He confessed, blushing slightly. "I cannot give you the answers, you have to find them yourself. You have to get out of this shit because it is ruining us and it is holding you back, Mimi." Sven sounded desperate now, pleading with her, "You are stronger than you know." He tried to reassure her, unsure if he could ever win with her. If he could Sven would happily go back in time and fight those demons that had made her like this. Afraid of happiness.
Mimi nodded, holding him tight, her fingers grinding into his arms, "I know." She smiled though her tears, "Oh, how fucking stupid of me," she wiped her face and smiled up at Sven, leaning forward and kissing him hard on the mouth, the salt of her tears and the bitter wine mingling between them. She pulled away from him and nodded at the mess on the table. "I'll just-"
"No," Sven grunted and stood up, dragging Mimi with him, the air now static between them. "Want you." He pushed his fingers into her hair and kissed her mouth again, harder this time, mashing their lips together so that Mimi's stomach did a roll, just like the old days. She laughed, running her hand up to his, pressing herself nearer to him, as if she couldn't be close enough.
"You see," she breathed, a sliver of sunlight in her voice, "You're too good."
"You are." Sven nipped the tender flesh of her jawline and pushed her onto the sofa., wrapping her in his arms, covering her neck in kisses. She reached up, pressing her back into his chest and leant against him, moaning softly. She twisted in his grip and straddled him, her hands flat against his shoulders, forcing him into the cushions, as their bodies pressed together full of unspoken desire.
"Want you." Mimi said, "Want you so badly. Need you." She trailed the words over him softly, viscous intent oozing from her so that he groaned and pushed her down, rougher than usual, his mouth hot against her ear.
"Love it when you're needy." He whispered, laying his weight over her, his tongue glancing off her ear. "Love it when the walls come down."
That, of course, drew a moan from Mimi, and she bit his lip in retaliation, 'Oh, baby, I want you tonight." She breathed, her arm curled around his neck, "I want you now." Her fingers forced their way under his t-shirt, her tongue to his lips as if she could not crack him open fast enough. She wanted him completely then, with a hunger that widened until it was a great chasm in her heart, so deep she knew she could swallow him whole and then fall inward on herself so that her need devoured everything.
Sometimes, in the dark , just before the light broke through the windows, she had wondered who needed who more and she felt then that maybe she had been so afraid because she realised that she could not live without him; That her heart would wither in her chest and she could never raise the whip or whisper a kind word to any other man but him. That he was the very centre of the universe and she only a distant star on the edge of his. She moaned against his neck, drinking in his familiar musky smell and planting kisses against his jaw. "I want you, baby." She whispered, "Sven, I need you." She pulled his t-shirt off and his hands soon made their way under her thin shirt, popping open the buttons and pulling her hair free from the band she was wearing.
"You look so beautiful, kitten." He said tenderly, running his thumb across her face, "Has this ex thing made you like this?" he asked, wedging himself between the back of the sofa and Mimi, running his hand over her belly. Mimi blushed and looked askance at him.
"I just realised what we had." She gripped his shoulder and kissed his cheek softly, "And I don't think I can be with anyone else but you." She whispered.
"You promise me you didn't do anything?" Sven pressed again, kissing her cheek, "You swear?"
Mimi nodded, "Yes." She said, her voice thick with desperation, "Yes, yes, yes. Oh Sven, I swear. I swear nothing happened, It just freaked me out that's all." Her hand curled around the back of his neck and she pulled him down so that the kissed again, deep and languid. "I only want you." She whispered, "only you." Her hand ran down his naked torso, her fingers meshing with the buttons on his Levis popping them open one by one until she hiked them down and palmed his hard on through his underwear. Sven pulled off Mimi's bra and followed suit, pulling down her jeans so that she had to kick them off, their clothes landing in a pile on the floor, quickly forgotten.
"I just want you, you know." Mimi drawled, her fingers raking across his shoulder "Hard and deep."
"Kitten." Sven said nothing else and his hand trailed from her nipple, downward, edging into her underwear, teasing her, his fingers running over the thin fabric. She ground herself against his hand and he smiled to himself, his mind crackling with what she'd just said, knowing that now, at last there was at least a crack in the wall he'd spent so long trying to scale. He grunted against her again, though whether in frustration or desire he did not know. He just knew that he'd give anything to make her happy, this woman who he had dared not imagine. She was his and he hers and yet he found himself petrified that he might lose her, that he was only one move away from watching her slip into the shadows of memory and he would be left horrified, as a dreamer upon waking. And yet, this was not a dream, she was flesh and blood and his.
Mimi turned away from him, rolling over and grinding the ample curve of her bottom against his skewed underwear. She mewled softly, mumbling something unintelligible and Sven lay out, flat against her, then leaning back on his knees, his palm running down her thigh.
"In me." Mimi breathed, her voice thick with need, "Fuck me." She commanded, rubbing her bottom in languid circles against Sven's thigh.
Sven obeyed, slowly running his hands over the thin mesh of her underwear, his fingers disappearing into the waistband as he slowly eased the fabric over her bottom. The breath caught in his throat as he teased the underwear away from her gasping slit, glittering with need. She moaned again, shifting on her knees, pressing her bottom against his thigh, he body aching for contact with his underwear, his hands flattened out next to hers on the sofa.
"Oh, God, yes." Mimi breathed, "Want you, baby." Her voice was as desperate as he'd heard her in a long while, full of a need that he'd not noticed before. Gently, he kissed her neck and eased himself against her, burying his face in her hair as he moved deeper. Mimi pushed her hips backward so that she felt his thighs against the curve of her bottom. Moving slow at first, they moved together, meeting in the middle, finding pace so that Mimi got louder and Sven was forced to curl his fingers into hers, their bodies writhing together.
"I don't want anyone else," she moaned, her voice a quick staccato, "No one else," her thoughts raced with desire and she pushed harder against him, shivering as Sven's hot mouth pressed against her neck. "Oh, your cock..." she tailed off, her head dropping forward as they moved faster against each other, Sven shifting and gripping her waist with one hand. He planted a kiss on her back and let his free hand drift between her thighs, catching her slick clit and rubbing it slowly at first, spurred on by Mimi's need for more. Sven sped up and soon she was spasming deliciously around him, her fingers entwined with his, her neck warm against his mouth. She fell flat and he angled her upwards again, jerking into her.
Mimi let out a low wail as if the feel of him between her thighs was too much to bear. She buried her face in the dark folds of the sofa and he came hard into her, falling flat against her, their bodies tangled together in silent truce.
Sven kissed her bare neck and lay behind her, his long limbs wrapped around hers. "Mine." He breathed, kissing her shoulder, "Mine, mine, mine."
Mimi laughed softly and curled into him, her thoughts still scattered, speechless. "And you mine." She breathed, lying against his chest, her fingers tracing across his hipbones. The phrase was very nearly a question.
"Yes." He pulled a blanket that was draped over the end of the sofa around them and propped his head in his palm. "Always."
Mimi nodded, sated and satisfied; It was all she needed to know. She had brought him to the edge and he had dragged her back.