The Editor

"The shit will hit the fan when bigots and other misfits see this cover and are provoked by that word," Alf the shift manager said, handing her two more copies.

"Yeah but you can't be intimidated by misfits and bigots can we?"

Alf grinned and said good girl.

He warned, "You have one hour before we set all the presses rolling."

Tess raced off, tossed one copy to Olivia and handed a copy to her PA with instructions to deliver it personally to Fargo and not allow anyone else to see it.

Twenty-five minutes later she was confident everything was okay including page numbering.

"Let the presses rip Alf."

"Great, the guys here are wondering why didn't you select a picture of an unused condom?"

"Omigod," Tess screamed, reaching for her preview copy and saw it was a condom straight out of the packet.

Feeling murderous she yelled into her phone, "Alf you scumbag bastard of a swine."

He laughed and said, "Enjoy your day, my favorite editor."

Tess waved to the PA to remain seated and walked in on Fargo who had his feet on his desk and his chair in recline position and was looking at the picture of the female pharmacist above the article of the most popular types of condoms they sold and who usually purchased them, males or females.

"I was told you'd never read Oh Really?"

Fargo jumped as if he'd been shot.

"Oh hi. Gosh there's so much to read in this issue. I never knew the sales of condoms internationally increase hugely when American forces are engaged abroad in major wars."

"Oh I thought you would have zeroed in on the story about the guy interviewed whose job it is to test condoms under normal operational conditions, to use his words."

"God don't some guys have great jobs. What page?"

"Twenty-six."

"Thanks, I'll read that later."

Tess said, "I was wondering if I could take you to lunch today."

"Oh heck, I have the Press Club luncheon today. No fuck it, who wants to hear a journalist speak about her time aboard an overcrowded ship hit by an outbreak of rampant dysentery?"

Tess said dryly, "Not you, I'm sure."

"Damn right. So what's the deal?"

"Oh we really haven't had much time since my promotion to chat about things other than the magazine so I thought we could catch up. When my magazine begins its distribution run I walk away and relax to clear my head, job done."

"Yeah and to let your deputy field the initial flood of irate calls."

"Did I say that?"

"No but I can guess. Look let's take off somewhere now. I don't want to be around when dad sees that cover."

Tess said casually, "Well why not get right away and stay somewhere overnight?"

"That's making us sound like runaway kids."

"Yeah doesn't it. It would mean I won't be around to appear on TV tonight with irate bigots phoning in questions and clergymen on a panel telling me if man was meant to wear a condom he'd be born with one already in place and to stretch appropriately as he grew."

Laughing Fargo threw his cell phone into his top drawer and said, "You go home and park your car, grab a toothbrush but leave your cell phone behind. I'll dart home and return to pick you up. We then disappear for twenty-four hours and that's what we tell our PAs, that we're disappearing for twenty-four hours to escape the anticipated media frenzy."

Fargo said he knew an excellent country-style hotel overlooking a lake. He wasn't asked was that where he usually took his girl friends? Half asleep, with nervous tension easing, Tess said that sounded lovely.

The receptionist entered details in the register for them to sign and smiled when Benton called himself Mr Bill Smith. When Tess said she was Tess Rimes the receptionist said, "Omigod, I thought I recognized you Miss Rimes. Most of the females in my family just love you for what you're doing, treating women as being intelligent readers with a thirst for knowledge."

"Why thank you Kitty?"

"You know me?" Kitty said in awe, and blushed when Tess pointed to the duty receptionist's nametag on the counter.

Tess asked carefully, "Er two singles... er... on the same floor if you can manage that."

Kitty shook her head. "I'm placing you in our bridal suite Miss Rimes."

Oh thank you Kitty. Please call me Tess and please tell your family you've met me if that's you wish. I have no reason to be discreet."

"And you Mr Jones?"

"Oh I'm not sure Mr Jones really knows who he is Kitty."

Fargo managed an embarrassed smile.

The room was beautiful with a maid already filling the huge bubble bath.

A waiter arrived with a bottle of complimentary French champagne and although it was not quite 11:00 Tess asked for it to be opened and as soon as the waiter and maid left stripped off and asked to sit on Fargo's knee.

"Um do you want me to strip off," Fargo asked, looked at the nice little chest-high stack.

"You do what makes you comfortable Fargo."

He handed Tess her flute of champagne and went to sit down but had a change of mind and stripped off."

"That looks pretty well used since I last had it near me exposed," Tess said smiling.

Mr Jones developed a very pink face but sat and Tess climbed on to his knees in such a way his erection finished up being held between her thighs.

They kissed, drank champagne and engaged in sweet talk until Tess stood and led him to the spa bath that was already whirring for their pleasure.

* * *

The housekeeper, remaining straight-faced, handing the boss and her husband their copies of the magazine just delivered by urgent courier.

"Omigod," cried Juliet, echoed by her husband's exclamation of 'holy fuck?'

Fingers trembling they opened their magazine and were thankful not to find a sheathed rampant erection although there was a half page about the proper way for a guy or his babe to encase a penis with a condom.

"There is no way she'll get away with this," Juliet said.

"She has the gift with the tongue. She could get away with it."

Benton dropped his magazine and made two calls and put down his phone and said, "Holy fuck." She and Fargo have gone to ground."

"Benton, do your duty. Make it clear you are willing to front up to the media. The Catholics in particular will be baying for blood."

He sighed and said, "As president of the corporation I must obey my chairman."

Late that afternoon when Fargo returned Tess ashore in a rowboat he boggled when he saw perhaps fifty percent of the tiny neighboring town gathered to greet them.

"Keep calm darling," Tess soothed. "Some of these people will be Kitty's family. They are here to welcome you as a celebrity."

"You are not in PR now darling," he grouched. "They will be here to meet you."

"Make sure you have no semen stains on your pants darling. I wonder if any other woman has been fucked out on the lake in a narrow row boat like this one?"

They came ashore in the twilight and were applauded. Kitty came forward and introduced Fargo as Mr Jones. He thought he heard someone applaud.

"And this," said Kitty, "is the hugely revered journalist of the year, Miss Tess Rimes, editor of Oh Really magazine."

Water foul up to two miles away took to the wing in terror as the huge applause swept across farmland.

"Come," Kitty said, linking arms with Benton. "Your father is about to appear on TV to answer that controversy tearing our country apart because of Oh Really magazine's implied endorsement of condoms. Factions against the use of condoms have been declaring they will abandon this country and emigrate."

"Oh shit," groaned Fargo.

Kitty, giggling, said she used that expression too and ran a hand over Fargo's groin and allowed it to bump over his deflated penis.

Everyone gathered in the lounge where extra TVs had been set up.

Benton was superb.

To the question why did he allow one of his magazines to endorse the use of condoms, he said quietly, "I reject that inflammatory claim as being preposterous. All my imminent daughter-in-law, who is deeply religious was doing as editor, was attempting to bring condoms into the living room of families who have no grounds to inhibit their use to ensure they possess all the facts about what condoms can do and what their weaknesses are."

"Does your imminent daughter-in-law insist on the use of condoms?"

"I have no idea and have the impression that Miss Rimes is a virgin. She certainly acts like one."

"Are you expecting us to believe that Miss Rimes who is twenty-eight is a virgin?"

"All I said it was my impression she was. You are a veteran journalist Mrs Hill. Do you really think virginity applies to any particularly age group? For all I know you may well fit that category Mrs Hill."

"Don't bother speculating Benton. You know what I was like at college and after marriage gave birth to three children who are now young adults so where does that leave you and your claim about Miss Rimes?"

"I'm glad discussion is back on Miss Rimes. In all my career I have to say she's the most exciting, intuitive and courageous female editor that I've come across."

That provoked amazing applause from the studio audience.

"And let me tell your this Mrs Hill. Within three months we expect Oh Really will be topping one million in sales, making it the third highest selling women's interest magazine in this country.

"That is a ridiculous claim Mr Renton."

"Oh yeah, well I'm willing to bet you $10,000 to your one thousand bucks that three months hence, Oh Really will top 1 million in sales."

"Um no thanks Benton, you have a habit of winning your bets."

Caught in excitement in the hotel lounge, Tess screamed, "Omigod, Theresa Hill is the most influential female newspaper columnist in this country today. Millions of people believe everyone she proclaims is gospel. Oh Really is now really on a roll."

The cheering almost lifted the roof and Fargo gave his gold card to a waitress handing out water and said, "Wheel in alcohol, lot's of it. We are having a party."

* * *

The black cover of the October issue displayed a wash of a fetus in a mother's womb and appearing below it was the heading, 'Please respect, love and honor me'.

Sales topped 530,000.

The black cover of the November issue displayed a photo of three kids, one Asian, one American, one Mexican, heads close and licking ice creams. The heading beneath it read, 'Why Are Our Parents Racial?'

Sales topped 690,000 and the advertising department was having its space extended to accommodate increased processing staff.

The black cover of the December issue displayed a photo of an elderly couple in front of a roaring fire with decorations on and above the mantelpiece. The heading beneath it read, 'Pop and Gran are hoping for a Big Family Christmas This Year'.

The print run was 1,200,000 and signs almost everywhere went up, "Sorry Xmas Issue of Oh Really sold out."

* * *

Fargo Mellows married Tess Rimes in the snow on a sunny day in Manson Memorial Park on December 28. The ceremony conducted jointly by a former Catholic priest and a Presbyterian minister was televised and clips ran on the news bulletins of many TV stations throughout the country that night because Tess was regarded as a major celebrity.

Tess was a stunning bride and women generally agreed who husband looked good enough for Tess. Her early pregnancy didn't show due to the design of her dress.

THE END