All Comments on 'The Experiment'

and not at all what I expected. Not so sure about the mechanical chairs and arms, but that's just me. Thank you for a literate and intelligent tale that wasn't relying on 'cum sluts' and similar language.

Not badly written, but a silly tale.

Such a refreshing change of pace from the normal stories on here! Very very nice and I could visualize the entire experiment... made me cum ;)

I liked this until he went from being "No girlfriend presently" on the 1st page to having a girl friend named Joan that was away in Texas. Woops! I stopped reading at that point. You are not a bad writer, but that was a big "woops"!

This was too long and boring to get into. Be more concise!

The basic premise was good. Pity about the mistakes that slipped through. Those are minor points that REALLY matter in a top-notch story, because they are irritating. However, all the dreary details of the survey could have been left out altogether and this might have been a smart, snappy, erotic story…Editing – <b>good</b> editing is the name of the game. You need someone else to look hard at your writing. An <b>uncompromising</b> examination, not to put too fine a point on it. As I said, the basic premise was good. Hence the rating. Hone, hone and hone again. Write, think, redraft, think, redraft…and <i>finally</i> publish when there's not another refinement that you can think of. Reading your work aloud is also a great help. There are about 2600 editors on this site offering their services free.

Very good and different - nice change of pace from all the predictable stuff. Literate and more complex than the 1 page wham bangs. Keep going.

This should a 200%. I'm sure there were a lot more experiments... Hope to read them on day... Thanks

In a short story the words have to work hard. Much as they do in a poem. Every word must be worth its weight. In this story much is extraneous. Every detail must be weighed. Does it contribute to the story? To me, this "story" appears to be a very unwieldy vehicle for sex. You have written much better stuff than this.

Sorry, but really, this is merely the first draft.

why I don't usually read longer stories. Write what you know.

I've been teaching literature for a half-century, 35 of the years as a professor (full professor for the final 13 years at a major university) and have published (among other writings) three books on major 20th century American fictionwriters that were well-received critically. So I feel that my praise of the precision of the author's diction, pace, selection of detail and control of point of view has some validation. Of course the story turns into a feel-good package but so does most pornography. But even here, the way in which gratification is gained in large part from release from stress is well done. What is crucial here is that the author earns his happy ending by the excellence of his prose, which is at least is good as that in some of the fiction that appears in, say, The New Yorker.

I enjoyed your writing, but like someone else pointed out I did a double take when we learn the main character has a g/f when he'd said before he didn't. Then he disgustingly f'in cheats on her with the 2 women. I felt like I wasted all that time reading your story, I'd never voluntarily read about a cheating prick! What a farce! He earlier told his g/f he doesn't act on his fantasies too, BS!

Lastly, you said the experiment will stop automatically if he closes his eyes, the speaker girl told him this yet he does close his eyes "momentarily" as he cums or when he's finishing cumming but his chair kept working. I guess your response will be the "experimental" portion was over.

I t was a good story that was very different from most. The premise was refreshing. Yes, you forgot some details such as No g/f, then a g/f but that was tolerable. My only problem was with the moving chairs and mechanical arms. I think you overdid that. Would have been better (and more in in line with the rest of the story) by having him simply strapped in observing the ceiling TV and have real women enter the lab to tease him instead of the mechanical arms. Sex with the doctor and grad assistant would have been better after the experiment ended. I hope you do a sequel with his g/f Joan repeating the experiment from a feminine viewpoint. Then have him meet "yoga woman" :-) .

I get the "Harkness Test" reference, but I don't understand why the writer refers to the doctor as "Harkness" as the doctor introduces herself as "Harnkess" . was her introductory statement of her name a typo, or was later referral to her as "Harkness" a Freudian slip, intentional or otherwise? Thank you for this work, none the less! :)

Ending was too abrupt. Felt like a brief epilogue was needed. Since this author hasn't posted anything in 13 years, looks like we're left hanging. Interesting story and plotline, despite an incomplete ending.