All Comments on 'The Fate of Terra Ch. 03'

Slow down. Moving way too fast with little to no character development. We don't even know why Kat has so suddenly and completely thrown herself at Michael other than it seems Kat gets off on hacking and when she realized Michael was essentially the god of hacking, well, we see the results. The random character Joseph from the eariler chapters seems to have been tossed, unless you have plans for him later that we aren't aware of. Didn't see much point in him being around anyways other than to setup that scene in the cafeteria, further showing that Michael is "all-powerful."

My primary complaint so far is what I've already pointed out: the lack of character development. We've got a guy who's basically a god among men, a girl who became his fanatical servant at the drop of a hat with little to no explanation, and a homegrown AI that is apparently powerful enough to crack the computers of a foreign government with ease but is still small enough to fit onto a phone's internal memory.

As for Kat, I can't help but think of what that fanatism will lead too, and as a result, I'm reminded of the anime/manga called Death Note. In that story, a high schooler acquires a great deal of power, becomes god in a sense, let's it go to his head, and acquires a couple of fanatical followers of his own. Those followers in their fanatism and unearthly desire to please their "god," end up causing problems and blowing the guy's plans all to hell.

Then we have the AI, Pandora. Sure, we know that she's rather fond of her creator and has learned to anticipate his desires, and is doing the same now with Kat, but what kind of personality does she have? Is she sentient or nearing sentience? We know that she has some sense pride when she reacted to Kat calling her a "sister," but how far does that sense of pride go and what other human-like emotions and traits does or will she have?

Still, you've got an interesting concept here and I'd like to see more, especially in finding out what the title has to do with the story. I'll likely have a bit more to say after reading the next chapter or two, but for now a recap: slow down and do some character development and exploration, and also consider the consequences of Kat devoting herself to Michael like this.

For two virgins these two seemed to be pretty well educated in "exactly" what to do when having sex, but they have yet to slow down and discover the joys of one another. And now that they and Pan have taken down the bad guys what's next for the three of them? Curios to see where you go next.

It totally make sense that she would devote herself to him. He has the power to destroy her and everything she holds dear. She is just a mere mortal after all.

Read do not correct.. The writer or sometime the charters write the story...

Really enjoying the story line but things have moved waaay too fast for it to be believable. Well written though :)

People it's a STORY... it doesn't have to be believable... they can go way too fast... he can be a god, she can instantly submit to him and they can both know all there is to know about sex... because it's NOT real. It's a fantasy. Let it be.

Each set up has its own rules to which the writer should bind himself. Believability is to be established within that specific set of rules. Now, in this case a M/s relationships has sprouted suddenly. I don't think that's a bad thing, but its has a very small basis in the story, almost no build-up. It just feels forced. I do like the story though, although it feels more like a setting than a story to this point.

I love the fast paced mixture of action and passion in each chapter where it's like each chapter is almost like a story itself and you're never left hanging.

Thanks for posting

To paraphrase something I read recently, 'porn is no substitute for experience...'

KY Jelly only comes in a tube, not in a bottle. OTHER lubes under the KY 'brand' do come in bottles, but they are water-based liquids, not a jelly.

(typed while laughing), If you get nothing else accurate in your Lit stories, you better, by gawd, get your lube facts right!

Enjoying your tale, I hope the fact you haven't changed your bio since '12 and the pleadings to finish your works doesn't mean I'm going to get to Ch 16 of what is shaping up to be an epic adventure only to find it has no conclusion. (doesn't mean I'm going to stop reading, I'm just going to say bad things about you, and go research old Romanian curses.)

GeoD

Love it

Sorry to say, I really appreciated your necromancer story and decided to give this a go.................. not gonna continue this, it's essentially a wet dream to be hyper intelligent and interesting enough to 'get the girl' but literally I skimmed 3 chapters and found your character to be a Tim Poole--"I'm a hacker"-- wannabe POS that literally does nothing...

The necromancer story at least has original thoughts on how the powers work, etc. But your storytelling isn't going too well if I'm basically skipping 80% of a chapter and finding the first 3 chapters have over saturated the MC as some pathetic Tim Poole, wannabe bitch.

A bit of nonsense