All Comments on 'The Fetishist Who Went to Hell'

Very funny!

Quite an amusing story. One persons heaven is another's hell.

I did need to fast forward a few times as the 'punishments' weren't my thing, but they'll float somebody else's boat. And that just agrees with your premise. ;)

The whole "I would rather be in Hell" concept hasn't been done this cleverly since the Cremation of Sam McGee. Somehow I read this and picture the wee hours of April 15, 1912: a famous luxury liner has just gone to the bottom of the Atlantic and more than a thousand shivering wretched souls are crowding the gates of Heaven and Hell. Amidst the pandemonium, a slight young man with a telegrapher's cap approaches Satan himself. "Oh prince of darkness, I am frozen and shivering, please let me warm myself beside your fire". Satan scowls. You? Of all people? Ha!

B-B-B-but-but-but-b-b-b...

Why should I admit YOU to my kingdom? I know YOUR KIND...

The young man panics and tries to tell Beezlebub what he wants to hear. "I'm, dah... I'm J. Bruce Ismay of the International Mercantile Marine, which owns the White Star Line and has just sent more than 2200 souls to their watery doom. Let me in, prince of evil!"

Satan was livid. "You fool nobody. You are Mr. Phillips and you wear Marconi's uniform. I've had to listen to your incessant CQD CQD CQD DE MGY MGY MGY pounding its endless SOS in my ears continuously for the last several hours. More than seven hundred souls were snatched away onto Carpathia by Rostrum's crew, all because of your incessant whining. Away from me and out of my kingdom! Go shiver in that other place for eternity, St. Pete and I are most busy right now dividing our Titanic spoils and I have some very important people to see... robber barons, bankers, all longtime loyal servants who have done very well for me for many years. I welcome them all into my kingdom gratefully and they look forward to warming their feet by the cosy fire. There is no place for you here."

And the Devil himself exploded in anger at the hapless radiotelegrapher.

This story was funnier than Hell! =o)