The Fifth Ch. 11

"I don't believe he's planning on coming back, My Lady."

Deanna flinched, and her face became the blank mask it had been for most of the time of late.

"Oh ..." she conceded quietly. "I understand."

Edward had been wrestling with this for the entire trip back. She was his Lady, but he owed her, and Jared, this.

"Do you? Do you really understand, Deanna?" He purposefully used her name, for the first time since the night they had met.

Her eyes flared, then saddened.

"What's not to understand. He almost died because of me. And the same might have been true for Belle as well. All because of my stupidity and absurdly exalted sense of myself. Why would he ever want to come back to something like that."

"I wouldn't know." Edward replied seriously. "YOU would have to ask him that."

"I can't." she moaned. "I just can't face him. I can barely face any of you anymore after what I've done and how I've acted. And even worse, what could have happened. How can any of you want anything to do with me after all of that? Especially Jared." Her eyes misted. "So yes, I do understand why he doesn't want to come back and I can hardly blame him this time. And now," she concluded, barely audibly "maybe not even for the first time he left either."

Edward looked at her with deep understanding. "Deanna," he began gently. "You're not a Goddess. You've never pretended to be and none of us have ever regarded you as such. You're a Dominant Lady. One who inspires intense devotion and a desire to serve. And you've given back to all of us in caring and the nurturing of our natures far more than we've ever offered to you. But you are just a Lady, not a Goddess, and you can and do make mistakes, sometimes very big ones, as we all do and have. We all have always understood that. The key is to learn from those mistakes and not misinterpret them. About how any of us feel and how we might react to them. Even Jared. Most importantly, Jared." He paused, hoping fervently that she would see. "I can't say how Jared ultimately feels," he finally concluded, "but I do know that the only way to truly find out is for you to ask him yourself ... directly ... My Lady."

********

Jared slipped in and out of a fitful sleep. As he was regaining his strength but still spending most of his days in bed, he was finding it more difficult to sleep during the night. Plus he had a great deal on his mind. In a few days he was scheduled to move on to a rehab place, and hopefully in a month or so he would be back on his feet and ready to move on with his life. Wherever that was to go. He had been lost before and now the major path forward, on which he had so strongly based his hopes, had been foreclosed. But at least he had the financial security and wherewithal to survive. He dejectedly suspected though that surviving was all he would be doing for quite some time.

He didn't know what caused him to suddenly come awake again. He looked over to the room's large window from which outside night light was filtering in. He saw the silhouette. Though the front was in shadow he instantly knew who it was.

"Deanna." he voiced in wonder.

How long had she been standing there, watching him? She took a step forward. "Jared." she answered softly.

He switched on a small night light, enough for them to see each other.

"What are you doing here?" he asked.

It took a long moment for her to answer. "I've come to say I'm sorry," she started, "although that's so pathetically inadequate after all you've been through and done."

" I didn't do much except get my ass kicked." he shrugged

"You were beaten badly and almost killed saving me and Belle from the same, that's all you did. And all because of my pig headed stupidity and conceit. Saying thank you is nowhere near enough, and apologizing for putting you in that position in no way can ever make up for it." She bowed her head. "But I do apologize and thank you ... for that ... and for everything."

"You don't have to apologize to me, Deanna."

"I not only have to, I need to." she responded emphatically, with a yearning in her eyes.

Jared remembered Edward's words. Maybe this would allow both of them a clean break, he decided, so that they could both then go their separate ways with some semblance of peace.

"Apology accepted." he finally said quietly.

"Thank you." she whispered and cast her eyes down again. Now she can leave, Jared thought, and we can both move on.

But Deanna didn't leave. No further words were spoken until she finally looked up, took another step forward and broke the silence.

"Why did you come back, Jared?"

Why was she doing this? It was over. She had done everything in every way imaginable to show him that he wasn't wanted, that he needed to go, and the message had finally, painfully, been received. And it wasn't the physical pain that had cut him to his very core, it was the agony of his very soul. Why was she asking him this? Did she want to drive the stake home one final time just to be sure? He had tried just now to give her peace, why couldn't she allow him the same, though any peace that he received would likely be more along the lines of 'rest in peace'. But still, despite it all, a tiny flame fanned by her question flickered from the dying embers within his heart and he couldn't stop himself.

"Because I can't live without you." he blurted. There was no stanching the breach now that he had begun. "I also needed to apologize, to beg for your forgiveness however little I deserved it, for being so pigheaded and stupid myself, for walking away from the best thing that any man could ever have. That I had ever had, and will ever have. I needed to be with you in any way possible, all of the time ... even if it was only as your slave."

Deanna didn't respond immediately. But then ...

"I don't want you as my slave."

The fledgling flame began to gutter out and he sagged back into his bed. Deanna took another step forward. This was the moment, and she was never more sure of anything in her life.

"Jared ...... I want you, I need you ...... as my one and only ...... My Private Dancer ... to be there for me and me alone as I would be for you ... My Husband as I would be your Wife." She stopped for a moment as if overcome. "I threw that away once before. Is there any chance, any chance at all that I could have ... another chance?"

He had nothing else to say but ... "Deanna, I love you ..."

She bent forward and brought her lips softly to his, the first kiss she had shared with anyone since he had left. Jared brought a hand up to the back of her head and pressed it down so that their lips became more crushingly and passionately embraced. Their tongues worked through and joined together as well. All breathing stopped as they both sought to prolong this moment as long as possible. Finally, reluctantly, their lips parted.

"Jared, I do love you. I've always loved you. I've never stopped loving you." she exclaimed breathlessly. "I've just had such wants and needs." She stopped again and then rushed on. "But I've finally learned that it has to be a two way street. It can't all be that you give and I take. I have to give back and hope that you accept, because we do fit so well together."

All of the time that she was speaking, Deanna's hands were unconsciously roaming and rediscovering Jared's body through the bed sheet. When they reached a certain spot though ...

"Oh my." she became aware and broke into a mischievous grin. "It looks like someone is far more recovered than I was led to believe."

Jared blushed deeply. "What can you expect when the most beautiful Lady in the world is telling you that she loves you."

Deanna laughed. "Flattery will get you ... Everywhere." She brushed the bed sheet aside. Jared was only wearing his hospital gown and nothing beneath. Deanna pulled that up and brought her face down to caress the risen totem of his love. Her face, which she had resolutely withheld from all, from before to now. Jared groaned as her forehead, her cheeks, her nose, and finally her lips gently cuddled up and down his shaft. Her tongue came out to add its own sweet contribution before she took him fully within her mouth, swirling her tongue around him inside.

This was oh so exquisite for them both, but they both needed so much more. Deanna stood up and shed her skirt and all that was underneath. She climbed up onto the bed to straddle him just below his waist.

"Will this hurt you too much?" she asked, suddenly very concerned about his injuries.

Jared smiled. "You know I always like a little pain with your love. And no amount now could ever make me not want this."

Deanna smiled back, bent forward to kiss him again, and reached back with her hand to guide him within her.

As they always had, they fit together perfectly. She slowly began to rise up and down, and he moved to follow her lead. There was no rush. It all felt so new, yet so wonderfully remembered. The pace gradually increased as their eyes locked and their urgency began to grow. Her movements slowly became more vigorous, as did his thrusting until both were in full throes. Matching drives they pushed and pulled and grabbed and writhed, their arms interlocked as their bottoms raged back and forth together. And the inferno within them both, that had been held in check for far too long, could no longer be contained. With no ability or desire to stop they both exploded simultaneously, Jared pouring every ounce of his essence deep with her, and Deanna accepting it all, with her own juices gushing forth to join with his.

The culmination and climax continued on far beyond what either would have ever believed they could endure. But it had been so long and they both had so much they wanted to share that they tried to make it last forever. Finally though, both fully drained, Deanna slumped down and off, as Jared made room on the bed for her to snuggle at his side. They lay together like that for uncountable time, totally at peace with themselves and each other.

She had ridden him long and hard like a stallion. And he was a stallion. Her stallion. And so, so much more. And it had been glorious as he had taken her so far beyond where she had ever been before. And she had given every bit as much as she had received. And she now fervently vowed that they would both continue to give and take ... and accept what they would always want and need from each other. She would never again allow what had been lost and now re-found to ever again be cast away. By either of them

At last they both came back down from the heights they had scaled and Jared opened his eyes and gazed at her.

"You'll always be the boss, you know."

She smiled. "And you'll never be fired. No matter how much you might irk me." she responded. Her eyes grew dreamy. "I'm sure that we can come up with any number of more interesting ways to deal with that."

"I look forward to it."

"You will." Her eyes then became more earnest. "I need you to be my rock, Jared, my foundation, to keep my feet firmly planted upon so we both can continue to grow ... together. You have to be my anchor, to keep my ... excesses from drifting too far. I might not always like it, but I'll always need it, and I can't do it without you."

"You won't have to." he promised. "Ever again." His face suddenly grew somber however.

"The others." he said, concerned.

"I know." she acknowledged. She looked away and then back.

"We'll work it out." She promised as well. "Together."