The First Six Months

"Please, I can't. Please no, it hurts too much. Oh god please, just wait . . . just stop for a minute," I pleaded with him. If I could just have him stop long enough to allow myself to adjust to the pain before he went any farther.

"I can't wait much longer," he said, sounding as if his teeth were clenched. But he did pause, he did give me a minute to collect myself.

And once he said that, I knew how good it must have felt to him. It gave me chills, it turned me on; the words, the tone of his voice, the feelings of his own desire washing over me. And suddenly, as he pushed a little farther in, I felt a new sensation take over. A new pleasure, that overcame the pain. I stopped fighting him, there was no longer anything left to fight. Although I could still feel the stinging as my virgin asshole was stretched out, it no longer hurt as I gave in to the enjoyment. And then he brought his arms around me, fingering my clit, and I knew I would be begging him to allow me to cum again in no time. My Master had once again shown me new pleasures; taken me to new heights of sexual gratification that I had never known existed.

He had to leave me again, physically at least. But we continued, our conversations, my training, my education. Falling more deeply in love with each other as we learned more about each other; becoming more entrenched in our new lifestyle as we explored it together. Next came the series of phone sex conversations; designed with the multiple purposes of giving me pleasure, helping Master to discover what turns me on the best, and begin my orgasm control.

So tonight. As I expected it was terribly frustrating trying to get service in this damn country. And I know you sent me the text messages, but I didn't get them until after I had been able to call you again. There was one point, when I was sitting in the truck after I had moved to try and get better reception, but then couldn't get service, when I seriously was considering just cumming and taking the punishment for it. I don't really know what stopped me, I think it was that you would tell me you were disappointed in me again. That's worse than you being upset with me when I've done something wrong. So by the time I got out to the truck from the phone center, I was already wet, frustrated, and close enough to cumming. I was trying so hard to control myself and not have to ask to stop. But you kept describing the scenes and making me listen, and all I could do was visualize the scene in my mind, almost to the point of being nearly able to feel the cock in my mouth and my ass, and the teeth on my tits, and the paddle spanking me. I tried concentrating on what I was looking at to keep from cumming, but that didn't work for very long when you were forcing me to listen to you. It's bad enough just hearing the sound of your voice, but I can tune out the words and the scenes you're describing to help me. And my pussy just kept getting wetter and wetter, until I could feel my juices running down to my ass, my whole hand was covered again, even the inside of my uniform pants are wet. I was trying not to ask to cum for as long as I could, but I couldn't help myself. I was shaking, everything focused on the need to cum and the knowledge that I couldn't. I was sure a couple of times when you wouldn't let me stop that I was going to cum anyway, that I wouldn't be able to stop it. And when you did finally let me cum, I love the way your voice sounds when you tell me to cum, it was awesome. It was like I started cumming, but then it kept going and I started cumming harder, I could feel my pussy squeezing around my fingers. And when you stopped, when you ended the story, I was getting close to cumming again. After I got off the phone with you all I could do was sit there for a few minutes trying to regain myself. I was satisfied and frustrated at the same time, because I was so close to cumming when you stopped. But yes, it was wonderful, you gave me a lot of nice surprises tonight, and I thank you for all of them my Master.

Then finally came our next time when we could actually be together, after all the talking and learning and preparing. It was to be my first real experience to see how much enjoyment I got out of receiving physical punishment; no pleasure intended or involved, yet still received.

The first night was really difficult because of the pain. I think the worst parts for me were the clothespins on my nipples and clit. Both are extremely sensitive, and it was excruciatingly painful. Even when Master Brenin began slapping my tits it wasn't as bad as the pins. And even after he took them off I could still feel the pain; my nipples were still sore from that days later. Also, even though I know it wasn't meant to be, it was painful when Master went hard and fast, whether it's fucking me or fisting me, but particularly when he was fisting me. Even when it feels good; I know that sounds strange, it sounds strange to me to say something can hurt and feel good at the same time. By the fourth night I was still hurting from the previous nights; my pussy was swollen and felt raw; so it was hard for me to stay aroused. Four wonderful nights that passed in a blur of pleasure.

I know I came a lot from Master Brenin being in my ass that first night; with no double penetration, nothing more than anal, I came three times in a row. It was incredibly painful, he was fucking me so deep and hard in the ass it tore a little bit. Even just his thumb in my ass on the following nights was painful. Not like deep inside, but at the entrance, like the salt from your skin was irritating.

I was absolutely horrified the first night when I started crying and couldn't stop. Especially when Master Brenin made me kneel on the floor until I could get control of myself. I never cry like that, and I felt like he was so disappointed in me. The pain started it, but I was so disappointed in myself that I was not able take more; I felt like I should have had a higher pain threshold. And the harder I tried not to cry, the worse it became. I deal with pain every day, between a permanent back injury, a pinched nerve in my shoulder, and migraine headaches; hell, I broke my ankle and walked across the fucking drop zone, and then had my ankle reset without any pain meds without crying like I did from something so simple as a few spankings and some clothespins.

The second night was absolutely incredible; yes, I was very wet. I don't think I've ever been that wet before; although Master seems to do that to me more and more. I only wish I had been that wet every night for him. He had me riding him, after telling me that there would be no orgasm restrictions; that I could cum whenever I needed to. I was incredibly close, but not quite ready to cum. And then he said, "Cum all over your Master's cock."

I loved it when he told me to cum on his cock. It was awesome; I don't know if I will always be able to do that, but there's something in his voice when he tells me to cum that goes straight through me. Of course, there's just something about his voice altogether; as I was giving him a blow job, I also loved it when he told me how good it felt and that I was making him cum in my mouth. Between his voice and the taste and feel of him in my mouth, I could have cum from that alone if I had permission.

I was incredibly surprised but also very grateful and touched that Master Brenin was so sensitive to how much pain that first night put me in. I was really expecting to have the first night repeated the whole time he was here. I had been warned ahead of time that this visit was for pain and punishment, not for pleasure. The first night was definitely, incredibly, and wonderfully that. But I'm not sure how well I would have been able to handle that for four days in a row. Master Brenin continually amazes me at how well he knows me, how well he can tell what I can or can't take. I know I have to get used to the pain, and it helped me so much that he put me in incredible pain the first night, and then backed off after that to give me a chance to adjust to it.

From that point forward, I never looked back, I never questioned that I wanted to submit to Master Brenin. No, it wasn't easy, I fought my obedience training, and it seemed like every other day I was doing something uncharacteristic and unacceptable of a submissive. I argued with my Master, I whined and complained about tasks he gave me, and sometimes I was just plain insubordinate. I have learned this is a natural process for a new submissive, and one that I am still working very hard to overcome. But every day I make a little more progress as I learn my Master better, and as I learn myself and understand my true desires more thoroughly. I am now being considered for collaring, and nothing could make me happier. I find as every day goes by, all I'm living for is to serve my Master and see happiness on his face that I have been able to instill.

Dedicated to all my sisters in submission, and to all my sisters who wish they were strong enough to submit. ~Cara Caeth

If i could have just one wish, i would wish to wake up everyday to the sound of Your breath on my neck, the warmth of Your lips on my body, the touch of Your hand as you spank my ass, and the feel of Your heart beating with mine as i kneel at your feet . . . Knowing that i could never find that feeling with anyone other than You. (Modified from the Love Poems of Courtney Kuchta)

There can be a true grandeur in any degree of submissiveness, because it springs from loyalty to the laws.