All Comments on 'The Fragile Abandoned Ch. 02'

I enjoyed both parts of your story, but I find the use of "laying" instead of "lying" grating. Same with "I laid in bed" which should be "I lay in bed"

I know these are common mistakes, but they are distracting.

Nevertheless, looking forward to the next part.

Maybe Natalie came from the jet - it's not completely clear, and a bit unsatisfying. Would have liked it if Andy's cock had been right at Natalie's vagina just as he came, even if he didn't penetrate, then they could have worried if much of his sperm had entered her, and possibly made her pregnant - at least until her next period. Would have been a nice entry to the next chapter, and a better ending to this one. It didn't seem finished as written.

I loved it . I need more of it . I almost busted a nut all over the place. Please try and give us, some more of this story.

By the way, people don't close off windows when they cum, Mark, but that's what you said. Try shuddering - it feels a whole lot more intense.

Is this a sister who's in love with her big brother's big meaty prick, or what? I love how Andy's coming around to what both he and his sis Natalie really want to do. In this chapter the boy pressed his big hard cock against his sweet sister's belly and just unloaded his big brotherly balls on little sis. I bet Andy's got a much better idea of where to unload his balls.

Just one thing, these chapters are literally a hidden gem, as far as I can tell. I always wanted for so long, a conscious brother to say no and be strong to a certain point, and this was it.

Like I seen so many horny sis and bro, or horny bro and concious sis, but never a conscious brother and a lovesick sis. Maybe I am naive to think literotica is something more than b--rated crappy storytelling, but your story was and is pretty fresh compared to others, and not to mention the very tantalising shy conversations between them bro and sis felt nice to imagine.

Thanks

Some random dude.

ASSHOLE doesn’t want to take advantage but will yell and bark at her. She is lost and confused and in love with her brother. Idiot needs to learn some empathy or go dive heard first off the roof.

Okay, first thing to criticize is Jessica. She may not be a leading character in your mind, but she deserved more than the quick gloss over that you gave her in the first chapter. When I finished reading chapter One I came out feeling that Andy was the one and only decent family member that Natalie has. But now we find out in chapter two that Jessica actually cares deeply about the baby sister too. This is exactly why I criticized your choice of stopping point in chapter One and why I generally criticize one and two page episodes of series all around. Chapter One is for the character building of ALL your major characters. That's something that I learned in middle school writing classes. Epic fail. 3/5