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Click hereJackson gripped my arm as I attempted to push past him. There was hardness his eyes, but also compassion and kindness. "It won't do any good." He said softly. "The drugs have already done any damage that is going to be done and metabolize quickly. Your body has already suffered the damage it is going to incur. It's really just a matter of if it kills you or not. You can go to the hospital, but it's still just a waiting game. Here or there makes no difference."
I whirled around now really angry. "But of course it was important to talk to us before you mentioned this little 'wrinkle' right? I mean what if we didn't cooperate fully knowing we could keel over in the middle of questioning. Wouldn't look good not to get the full report would it." I was pissed off. How could these people act like this.
Mclean said reasonably, "It really won't make any difference one way or the other. What's done is done."
I turned on her savagely. "Fuck you. Maybe you would feel differently if you were the one who drank that spiked screwdriver last night. You fucking cunt." I had never felt hate so strongly as I did for that woman in that moment.
I slammed the door on them hard.
I trembled at revelation as I looked at Rachel. I pictured both of us face down in a sopping mess of our own blood and vomit. The image had a premonition quality to it, and the hairs on my neck stood up in fear.
Rachel and I sat down, neither able to speak, and waited for death or redemption.
The End?
Your comments will determine the future of this series. Please let me know if you wish these stories to continue or if the time has come to let Sara and company leave this imaginary world for another.
Whatever you decide, please tell me why in your comment, or send me an email.
Thank you, and should we not meet again. The pleasure has been all mine.
Sara.
- COMMENTS
Anonymousalmost 19 years agoI am a BIG fan. You can't end this. These people are a part of life now, for many of us. What happened to Michelle and Moolee? Did Rachel go home to see mom and did Mom find a new Rachel. Did the girls get sick?
As you can see, I'm captivated. you've done well.
Anonymousalmost 19 years agoI have read all of your work from the first, and look forward to no other series on the site. I would hate to think that I would not be able to read any more from you, but I'm not sure if this is the right story to continue or not. The "X" story line has been on the borderline of unbelievable, with the FBI twist the hardest to swallow.
I think you need to decide for yourself if there is more story left here or not. I find that anytime I don't follow my own inner compass, I get lost without a map out of the woods. Follow your gut. If you find a topic you have great knowledge and passion about, write it. Maybe that is "The Game", maybe not.
Regardless of your future decision, PLEASE do not quite writing. The development and thought you are able to put into the characters and story make it much better. I guess it's kind of like sex being better when you have feelings for your partner. If you choose write in other areas, let us know. I know I will read it... Decide to continue on here? I'll be reading too.
Anonymousabout 19 years agoI have really enjoyed reading your series, in fact, it is the only one series on this site that I read regularly. I would check back frequently waiting for updates and if they didn't come every month, I would be disappointed. And while I enjoy murder mysteries as much as the next person, that is not why I read Literotica. If you must resolve this current plot line, then so be it, but please do so quickly and take us back to the Game.
And if not, thanks for the many hours of enjoyment. You are a skilled erotician.
Anonymousabout 19 years agoAs soon as you begin to listen to yourself create fabulous rose gardens in your mind - stop it. [As in your preceeding and following commentaries. Step outside yourself and read them again for value.]
At this point, please realize you should be proud but don't get carried away. Subplots aren't verbotten if you know your subject and it's details. This last chapter was a wing and a prayer - however before being angry notice the score given it. The good new one's (U) get a Mulligan as it was earned.
Your apt words and deliberated scenes prior to this chapter were believeable enough to carry strong interest and I don't mean just the sex. However, the Osama bin Chicago X owner was a real stretch with his drug research network and non-interpreteable transmissions - come on. Not a sin - just a blip on the learning curve. Research and know and feel the credibility before commiting to a new direction.
A lesser author wouldn't get this level of feedback as thier work wouldn't warrant it. You have strong talent and will make mistakes and will go on and learn from them.
You have the talent to develop skills to go far beyond this site (if you wish) after making more mistakes - learning - changing. If you have a good editor, I think you went here (chapter 9)against thier recommendation. This is not a race. Take your time - be comfortable with your offering. Are you following your scripted general plot outline? Winging it should be fully considered as beneficial and within your comfort zone of subject knowledge.
Your following is developed by earned respect from a credible effort - that is your product and your worth.
I think you are surprized by your products acceptance. I'm not. But stay focused. Discipline and imagination and hard work and talent got you here.
Oh, enough already - shrug it off - have fun - learn - keep entertaining us. with high Regard
Pookieabout 19 years agoYou continue to write extremely well. There are some grammatical problems an editor would catch, but nothing too distracting. You've done a terrific job of writing a credible story with a well defined plot and characters. As extreme as a few things have been, the characters made it all fun and believable.
However, after reading the last two chapters, I've seen you lose your plot. It's okay to let your characters dictate how you get somewhere with even some side trips, but you have to keep your destination in mind, or you lose your plot.
Compounding the problem is that you didn't stay true to the characters either. Sarah is too experienced to EVER take a drink handed to her by someone she doesn't know in a new club. There is no way she would ever do that. And, the idea that this club (as it was initially described) is now some haven for testing miracle/dangerous sex drugs by some gangster type dude is credible? Rachel's co-worker would dare test a drug on them (by someone with a history of creating samples that killed those it was tested on)? FBI agents that are so careless and unprofessional in regard to peoples health? I don't think so. You lost your plot trying to let Sarah and Rachel go on a wild date-rape/gangster adventure.
You still have a wonderful storyline to go back to. I hope you continue to write this story. There are plenty of opportunities for all the characters to do some very adventurous things. Let the characters take you there, but you stay in the driver's seat this time. :-)
Anonymousabout 19 years agoTHESE LAST CHAPTERS ARE GOOD BUT WITH A NOTHER CHAPTER OR TWO OR THREE, THEY WILL BE GREAT, HEAD IT BACK TOWARD THE GAME WITH RON AND MICHELLE HELPING AND DEVELOP THE CHARACTERS MORE ESPECIALLY SARA, RACHEL AND RON...MAYBE EVEN AS A THREESOME TOGETHER...HOT!!!!! CONTINUE!!!!!!
Anonymousabout 19 years agoSara is rather stupid, hasn't EVER watched a crime show? any?
doesn't check ID, lets "agents" in her house w/o a search warrent, lets the "agents" threaten to take them to prison w/o a warrent, Sara doesn't get a lawyer when the "agents" act crimmanally by the corrupt agents threatening to leave the two girls naked in a dyke prison to be abused, Sara never notes on the tape interrogation that it is under illegal duress.
as for the agants telling the info, cops doen't give out info, partly because it is a power thing and partly to not let info leak to the suspects.
finally, how does ANYONE know how fast the "experimental" drug is metabolized? or if it leaves traces in the bodies fats like LSD, or other places? it is hardly being carefully tested for that!
and who tests drugs in an open bar where the test subjects go in and out? i could see if this was a whore house where the testees were kept for days to see the effects - and easily vanish. but a bar/club?
authors, your characters not only got away from you, they are taking you away from the remnants of reality.....
Anonymousabout 19 years agoI admit, I've been a very faithful and avid reader of your stories from the very first chapter of this story. I adore your writing; it's clean, flows well and is deeply erotic when you chose it to be. Even the chapters dealing with things I wouldn't normally be very attracted to become very sensual/sexual as your write them.
Praise having been heaped... I am for the first time rather lost as to where this story went. Whereas before it had a focus, and was developing cleanly as a story of a woman's sexual... development perhaps, this new chapter just felt like it lost most of the flow for me. It seemed harsh, almost out of balance to me, if that makes sense. It didn't have the tone of the story that I've thus far so very much enjoyed. The agents seemed very unrealistic to me. I can assure you that there is great care taken when dealing with rape victims, the horrific drug consequences and the passivity of the agents in having them see a doctor was almost ludicrous because, simply, that would -never- happen. Even if nothing could be done for the initial exposure, anything symptoms that happen over 48 hours is treatable, monitorable... And yes, maybe I'm probing too deeply, but for such a drastic story turn, I scrutinized this quite a bit. The story stopped being... real for me.
I cannot stress enough... you write -incredible- stories. I'd like them to continue, but this path of character development, even if it were to occur, just needs to make sense. It needs to be real, and right now, it's not.
-LP
its_me_honestabout 19 years agoAfter reading the intros to the last 2 chapters I can see that you have projected your fear onto your main charactors. You have become an author. That means when the story is there to be told and you don't tell the pressure will build till your cranium explodes, wounding all those around you with bits of flying skull. I am sure that most of us readers here could care less about the erotic content as long as the charactors are true and you invoke (what I taught my childern to expect as I taught the to read) the movie in my head. Let the words flow and keep posting if the label bothers you change the whole thing to the Novel/Novella catagories but for gods sake don't end it here.
Sorry got a bit carried away (and I almost deleted this too)
v/r
its_me_honest
