by A_Non_A_Moose
Four hot girls a lover and a baby, sounds like a great afternoon! A great start to what promises to be a well thought out and written story. I look forward to reading the next chapter. As this is my first foray into your writing and the first story you posted here I have added you to my favorites list. I appreciate your and your Muse's imagination and abilities to bring it to your story. Thank you for sharing your vision and talents.
I've read about the Gibson sisters 4 times keep hoping for a 3rd chapter.
Love how Billy and Mary fall in love in the end. This makes it more of a sex story/love story.
Girls don't drag boys anywhere they don't want to go. There are several members of this website who make themselves available as editors. Youthful sex is always fun but the core motivation should match reasonable situations.
He could of rolled the dice and gave each one of them a squirt .. then married the one that got prego out of the bunch. If unlucky an other 1 or 2 would of been fertile. But then they would have babys to play with instead of eachother LOL.
Overall the story was great, 2 minor issues though,,,
1. The hymen is an external piece of skin, if she masturbates or uses tampons, along with a lot of other things, she has no hymen.
2. The vagina doesn't get 'loose' like that. If she was loose she either had a baby recently, had a medical problem, or fucked an elephant.
I never thought I could masturbate to a story. This proves me wrong
Great story, I enjoyed it. You did throw me at the beginning when you said Billy was cumming and then that he was near the edge. You can't have it both ways. I guess what you meant was that he was nearing orgasm or about to cum. Keep writing, I'll keep reading.
Thanks for the feedback. I did use a spell check but clicked the wrong option and didn't realise. I wrote this gradually over three weeks so I checked it a lot and I was very careful to re-read it whilst looking out for mistakes. Shame I missed that one and can't edit it. Never mind, you know what I mean.
And yes you need a dictionary and an editor but other than that a nice first try. Next time though let it rest for a day or two and re-read it. BTW, the way you describe them they were all one big erogenous zone!
erogenous zones not androgynous zones
androgynous zones would not be any fun at all.
For your first attemp this was great. Please keep writing. The story showed sensitivity not normally seen. A true fantasy.
What an amazing story, very enjoyable as a woman because of the romance and sensitivity of Billy. VERY hot!