All Comments on 'The Horseman Ch. 01'

Looking forward to where this appears to be going!

Well told, but it sounds like you are just coming down from a weekend "Arrow" marathon.

...need I say it again...plzzzzz

glad i wasnt the only one to see the arrow connection.i think there was an old movie about a female cop too.the worst though was the horseman,really?are we talking dick size or calvary here?plus a little background oliver i mean aiden and the plane crash since it seems like a planned thing.

This is far better than Arrow. I wouldn't say it's a copy. Keep writing it. Don't listen to negative comments. Negative comments are only good when they're pointing the finger on your mistakes not your work. Good o luck

In response, yes the story was indeed Arrow inspired. It's my opinion that the "Arrow" show could've been a lot better on a graphic HBO setting, plus-I've always wanted to write a superhero/vigilante story that wasn't nimpossibly altruistic. A protagonist who is willing to take ten lives to save a hundred, instead of putting his 'personal code' before saving lives.

As far as the title 'The Horseman' goes, it has nothing to do with genitalia. Instead, think more of a 'Horsemen of the Apocalypse' inspired code name/nickname.

Aurion Chapter 2 is all but done. There were several delays in my real life plus an unexpected inspirations of ideas for a few new stories that stalled it's completion-and then, right as I was about to post it, I deckded to elaborate a little further. So, Aurion Chspter 2 should be submitted today or tomorrow. Thank you for your patience and input!

-Lucius

beautiful start on a promising story . keep up good work this is better than they are thinking of.

I like the story but you really need to work on sentence structure. Many run on sentences and lack of commas where needed is distracting. Shorten some sentences and the writing would be improved. Love the story line.

When is the next one coming out please don't make us waiting for months

This has potential. Could use an editor. Like "The Horseman" is two words not one.

I just wanted to leave a public apology for all the readers of this chapter: in my haste to submit the story before midnight, I accidentally loaded the initial, unedited, version of the story that hadn't even been proofread by myself yet (instead of the self-edited and monotony altered copy I meant to post).

Also, I'd like to point out that the story, if continued, should be read with the fact in mind that it is a novel style piece that takes place in a mostly real world that does actually also carry an accent of a comic/graphic novel type universe. So, if some device or weapon is referenced or used that seems too anachronistic, specialized or unusual-then it is most likely explained by an advanced prototype or invention of Arden Tech., Susanna's genius or Aiden's exposure to advanced or possibly even supernatural objects in his time away. And, most importantly, remember it is being written by an armature author without an editor.

Thank you all!

Lucius

Even though this is the unedited version it is really well done it would be great to know what happens and eventually when lisa meets the horseman

ain't yer gonna drop another chapter?

'batter do so damnit !!

not to be too harsh because I like the story. but when you say one word and the 'THE HORSEMAN' umm that's two words. The is still a word. If it just said HORSEMAN you would be fine. sorry I know its petty.