The Human Condition Ch. 02

I nodded. There was a lump in my throat the size of the turkey we'd just demolished. I knew perfectly well that Joe was just using dinner as an excuse not to talk to me again. To Hell with it, I thought. Today had been a great day and my parents didn't deserve to see me moping around over something I'd brought on myself.

Surprisingly, it wasn't that hard to put Joe out of my mind and enjoy myself. Dad and the boys and I stretched out on the beds and watched TV, flipping channels to catch as many games as we could find. Sarah and Mom stuck it out for as long as they could, then split to some chick flick at the Quad, in the mall. When they came back, we all had turkey and cranberry sandwiches and a sampling of the half dozen or so pies Mom always made for the holidays because nobody could agree on which were their favorites.

Afterwards, we watched the tube some more. This time it was Mom's turn to choose and she picked some mushy thing by Hallmark. The male contingency bitched, of course, but secretly we all liked it and everybody watched till the tear-jerking end. Everybody except Rob, who had finally overloaded his circuits with his fourth piece of pie and had succumbed to a sugar-induced coma.

It was time for my family to leave. They'd already repacked the boxes, and the leftovers were stowed in the nurse's lounge refrigerator, so it was just a matter of boots and hats, and getting Rob to wake up long enough to shove his rubbery arms into his parka so he didn't freeze to death.

My dad picked the kid up, gave me a knock on the shoulder and headed out to get the car warmed up. Sarah and Andy waived at the door and followed behind him. I was back in my own uncomfortable bed and my mother walked over and automatically started to tuck me in.

When she saw me grin, she raised her eyebrows and smiled. "Sorry," she laughed. "Old habits are hard to break." She got serious again. "You're still my baby you know." She reached out and stroked my cheek. "You always will be. I'll always worry about you and love you and want the best for you. Nothing can ever change that."

"I'm glad to hear it," I reached up and covered her hand and squeezed it.

"Whatever makes you happy is okay by me," she continued.

"Thanks," I could hardly hear my own response.

"You're a good person Michael. A pain in the butt sometimes, but a good person."

I laughed at that one and she smiled.

"If you want," she said a little too nonchalantly. "You can invite that friend of yours to visit over the holidays."

My mouth dropped open. That was as close as my Mom would ever get to come right out and saying I could bring my lover home. The only problem was, I didn't have one. I cocked an eyebrow at her.

"He seems like such a nice boy when I talk to him. I'm sure he'd fit in with the rest of the family," she continued oblivious to the reaction she was causing in my head.

Jesus, she thought Joe and I were lovers! I couldn't stand it; suddenly the whole mess struck me as incredibly funny. I grinned till I thought my face would split.

"Mom," laughter underlining my voice. "I hate to break it to you, but Joe Lassiter is not gay."

"He's not?" The woman actually sounded disappointed.

"Nope," I shook my head sadly. "Not even a little bit. The apartment you're staying in tonight, that belongs to his girlfriend."

"I thought you said it was a nurse's apartment?" She didn't seem to want to believe me.

"It is. Betsy is a nurse here," I paused for effect. "And she's Joe's lover."

"Oh," she let the information sink in. "Well Hell, invite him anyway. He still sounds nice." She kissed me while I was still laughing and walked out the door. My Mom, ya gotta love her.

Fifteen minutes later my phone rang. I groaned as I tried to drag myself out of the depths of the sleep that had claimed me almost as soon as my family had left. I fumbled for the receiver. It had to be my Mom again. Another one of her habits was never going anywhere without leaving something behind.

"What did you forget?" I said into the mouthpiece with a fake, long-suffering sigh.

There was a surprised silence on the other end. I felt the hairs on the back of my neck prickle. Only my family and one other person had this number, something I'd forgotten when the phone had rung the first time.

"I forgot to apologize," Joe finally said in a matter of fact voice.

"I thought you were my Mom," I said inanely.

"I didn't know there was a resemblance," he joked.

It was lame joke, but a wave of relieve rushed over me. If he could joke, maybe he could forgive. Then what he'd first said suddenly sunk into my turkey soaked brain.

"Wait a minute," I shook my head, trying to clear it. "You have nothing to be sorry for. I'm the one who lied to you, remember?"

"True," he agreed a little too readily for my piece of mind. "But then I acted like a total asshole."

He waited like he expected an answer, but I couldn't think of anything to say.

"Feel free to disagree," he said finally.

"No," I was feeling better and better about this conversation. "I think you pretty much said it all."

"Yeah well, I talked to Josh about what happened..." He continued tiredly.

"You told your brother?" I interrupted.

"Of course I did," Joe responded as if I'd just said something stupid. I kept forgetting, this guy was a twin; he shared everything with his brother.
"And he said he admired you for having the courage to tell me at all."

"Well, it wasn't like it was a big secret," I was trying to be fair.

"That's what I told him." Joe agreed. "But he said that didn't matter. What was important was that you faced me with it even though you were fully aware of all the consequences. Sometimes I hate the God Damned Jesuits, you know?"

I grinned. Actually, I didn't know, we may have been half Italian but we were 100 percent Lutheran. However, anything that would repair my friendship with Joe was okay in my book.

"Then he called me a real jerk off and told me the only behavior I should be concerned with was mine, and since up to now, it hasn't been too good, I should be concerned a lot," he sighed. "The worst part was, he was right. I was acting like a selfish prick."

"It's okay," I protested.

"No, it's not," Joe disagreed. "I never even thought about how hard it was on you to have to tell me something I was too oblivious to figure out on my own. Why the Hell should I've expected you to tell me sooner? Are you supposed to be required to walk up to everyone you meet and say 'Glad to meet you, I'm gay', or maybe you should wear a pink armband or a tutu or something?"

"Now there's a thought," I said dryly.

"Yeah," he agreed glumly. "And I wish I'd never said it because now I've got this picture in my head..."

I burst out laughing.

"Trust me, it's not pretty!" He protested, but he was laughing too. "The point is," he said, serious again. "It doesn't really matter that you're gay."

"Joe..." I started to disagree.

"Okay, okay it matters, but it doesn't have to matter to us, to our friendship, right?"

"But it's still going to be there," I cautioned. "It's part of who I am."

"Yeah, I know that and we'll deal with it," he thought a minute. "The thing is, I don't want to be one of those guys who only picks his friends because they're good for his image or they carry the right cachet."

I winced at that one; but I knew he was right.

"I'm not stupid Mike and neither are you," He really did seem to have the ability to read my mind. "We both know that I'm probably going to take some flack for hanging around with a gay guy and you'll get hassled too. But I'm game if you are."

I considered what he'd just said. He was right; we'd both take a lot of heat for this, at least for a while. But that didn't worry me as much as what I hadn't confessed.

How would Joe feel about our being buds, if he knew how I really felt? Would he be so eager to stay friends if he knew I was in love with him? I shook my head. It didn't matter because, that was one thing I was never going to tell him.

"So are you?" He asked.

"Am I what?" I pulled myself away from my thoughts.

"Oh for Christ's sake you don't make things easy do you?" He snorted. "Are you willing to be my friend again?"

I closed my eyes and swallowed hard. "Of course."

If friendship was all he had to offer, then that was what I'd take.