The Journey of Grace Ch. 04

Grace woke up with a start. For one second, she wasn't sure where she was then as the fog in her brain cleared, she recognized her bedroom. As she looked around, Grace could feel a pounding in her head. Lying back against the pillow, it lessened somewhat as long as she didn't move.

She thought back to the night before. It hadn't been far to Anni's apartment, just like Anni had said. She could still remember the press of Anni's body against her. At the door, Anni fumbled with the key because of how Grace was stroking her. Grace had kicked the door shut as they fell against the wall kissing.

She remembered how it has been good to start. Clearly Anni was an experienced submissive. She kept begging for Grace to use her. "Treat me like the little slut i am!" she had said more than once. But as their night together went on, Anni asked for harsher and harsher treatment. On one hand, the feeling of power in using her had grown with in Grace. It was seductive knowing that she could abuse Anni and she would not only take it but thank her. Even now, Grace couldn't deny that it had excited her both physically and emotionally. Grace's raw emotions of the evening also played into it. Her anger at Alice slipped out in how she handled the lash that Anni begged her to use on her. Whipping Anni harder than Grace expected to, Anni nevertheless begged her for more.

Anni had been almost desperate to show Grace her submission. And there was a point where Grace remembered beginning to be uncomfortable. There was a growing feeling in the back of her mind that "this isn't me."

Finally the end had come when Anni pulled her into the bathroom. "Mistress, show this little slut how dirty she is." Anni crawled between her legs. "Pee on me, please Mistress. Let me know what a dirty little slut i am." Grace had looked down at her. She could see the need in Anni's face. That she truly wanted this, actually needed it. For whatever reason, she needed the feeling of submitting so much that she would beg for this.

Grace hesitated. Her thoughts warred with herself. The most base level of her self was excited by this act of complete submission. Even now, reflecting on it, Grace couldn't deny it. There was power in having that much control. But at the same time, the thought of doing that to another person disgusted her. "THIS ISN'T ME!" rang through her head over and over. Finally, she felt as if she had a responsibility to Anni. For Grace, being Domme meant more than just being in control. A submissive placed herself into her Domme's hands and trusted her to take care of her needs. Anni wasn't truly hers but Grace knew that for tonight she was.

She gave in. Grace gave her what she wanted. A feeling of revulsion rose in her as she did so. Grace closed her own eyes and didn't watch. She could her Anni cumming as the hot liquid hit her. Grace tried to cover it with a mantra of "this isn't me."

After that, Grace could hardly get out of there quick enough. Anni was confused by the change in Grace. She had shown her how far she was willing to submit. When Anni asked about seeing her again, Grace couldn't even answer. She just looked at Anni and then Anni knew. She knew that Grace would never see her again. That she had gone too far.

"i'm sorry, Ma'am. i just wanted You to let You know that You could use me in any way You wanted to," Anni softly said. "W/we don't need to go that far again."

Grace continued to look at her. "But you would want to." She smiled a little sadly too at Anni. "And over time you would need to and you would not be able to help yourself asking for it. You need someone who can give you that, but it isn't Me." Grace turned and left.

On the way home, the thoughts of what she had done kept coming back to Grace. She remembered the feeling of power in doing something that repulsed her. Even now there was seductiveness in being able to control someone that way. Grace sensed that she was capable of becoming someone like that. But her self-loathing grew as she thought about it, almost overwhelming her. Suddenly she felt nauseous. Though she hadn't drunk anything in a couple of hours, she had to quickly pull to the side of the road and open her door in order to avoid vomiting in her car. She emptied her stomach. She couldn't help it. Once she started, she couldn't stop until every last bit was out. Finally she closed the door and shakily drove the rest of the way home.

Lying in bed, Grace thought about the night again. She had violated her own guideline. "Know what You want and what the submissive wants. And make sure that they match." Her time online had told her that, as had her time with Marie. Whether it was having seen Marie with Alice or if she had just needed to feel in control, Grace had gone with Anni without even a moment's reflection. Anni submitted and Grace took it. Grace hadn't lived up to her own self-image. She shook her head. That self-image was important to her and she would not make the same mistake again.

Getting up, Grace moved into the bathroom. She still felt dirty from the experience. She started to draw a bath in the claw footed tub that filled one side of her bathroom. Adding some bath salts, she breathed in the pleasant smelling steamy air. It helped. Sliding into the tub, the hot water felt so good. It was already starting to undo some of the tension in her body. Lying back with her head against the tub, Grace closed her eyes and tried not to think. She just wanted to soak in the hot water and let it comfort her.

It worked for a while but doing nothing was never Grace's strong suit. Thoughts of her husband flickered on the edge of her mind. He wasn't due home from his latest trip for a couple more days. She missed his company. They got along well and had similar views about life. Talking with him over dinner was always enjoyable. But there was a distance between them. Rarely did they talk about feelings, or their hopes and desires. She didn't know exactly why but they always seemed to stay on a superficial level.

On the other hand, it wasn't totally unwelcome. Grace was confused about what she wanted in life. This road that she was travelling didn't have a map she could follow. She was figuring out which direction to go with each step. Talking about life, hopes and dreams with her husband could hardly be particularly deep. There was a side of her that was walled off from him and she had no intention of letting him see it.

That line of thought brought her back to the previous evening. It had started out nicely with the encounter at the bar. The memory of controlling both women at the same time stirred Grace. She remembered how aroused she had been as Anni came while the college girl had knelt under the table. It had been an arousal that was never fulfilled. With what happened at Anni's apartment, Grace had lost all desire to cum herself as if a switch went off. Reliving in her mind the college girl getting to her knees, Grace could feel her pussy slightly throb. Her hand dived under the water to lightly stroke herself. It felt so nice. She parted her legs more so that she could better touch there.

Breathing more deeply, she ran a nail along her petals. She could feel her clitty swelling so that as her finger ran up her pussy, it brushed against it. Slowly, Grace started to tease herself. Alternating between lightly tugging on her clitty and sliding her finger between the lips of her puss, she was quickly becoming more excited. Even as she was doing so, however, her mind started to retake control. Typically once Grace started thinking, her mind engaged and it was hard to stop it. She thought about whether she wanted to cum now, by herself. Or should she "get back on the horse" as the saying went, and go back to Corky's bar tonight. After breaking up with Marie, it had taken her three weeks to feel comfortable about being there. The experience with Anni was of course nothing like that. But the more Grace thought about it, the more she felt like it was important to not delay going back, even if she chose not to go anywhere with anyone. And if not tonight, then it would be at least a week since her husband would be back home the following evening.

Once she made that decision, Grace knew she wanted to hold off her cum for now. Her experience was pleasure delayed was pleasure enhanced. As she stopped stroking herself, she laughed softly at herself. Being a little hornier wasn't a bad thing. It would probably mean that she was just a little more demanding if she hooked up with someone that night.

When she finished her bath and got out of the tub, Grace still enjoyed running the towel against her body. Her nipples hardened more as the terry cloth brushed against them. Drying her mound involved more than just absorbing the water there. She pressed her fingers against herself through the towel as she arched her hips forward against them. Visions of women serving her needs ran through her head. But the thought of how these fantasy women reminded her of Marie made it easier for Grace to stop again. An actual person would be much easier to push thoughts of Marie away.

After her ritual application of lotion all over her body, she put on her short silk robe to go pick out an appropriate outfit for that night. As much as she liked her leather pants, it was unthinkable that she would wear them twice in a row. Plus, smiling, she thought how leather pants would make it a little more difficult for a little slut to pleasure her when the time came. With that thought she decided to wear a short little skirt. She had some stockings and garters that would go very well with it. Rather than white, she chose a dark blue blouse that had an iridescent shimmer to it that she loved. But her leather jacket, that she could wear again.

Grace put the outfit aside so that later she could dress quickly for her evening out. But now, she had to take care of her Saturday errands. She couldn't put on the self that she thought of as the true one just yet. That would come in the evening.