The Key to My Heart Ch. 02

I'm sorry you dont get raped by your father,then pop to the mall food court and then run in to a guy and go wow ...what a hunk ...silly story .

This is moving too quick. Even as a huge fan of werewolf stories and the mating pull, Holly should have had some type of hesitation. Even if she felt love for him, the rape and brutality of it all should have made her more anxious and him more weary to go in that direction. Not that I don't like the story, I actually really like this story, cause it hits me in many places of my soul. Just take your time and let their love flow...I'd like to know more about the month that they were seeing each other. I know there had to be some challenges or something...

Your writing is choppy at best, you are rushing the pace way to much.. there is no emotional development and my biggest pet pev is that you are forgetting your own story line from one paragraph to the next. How did he go from naked and transformed..to human and holding her... to in the next paragraph needing to strip again for sex? He never even got dressed again!

This is too rushed!

First- She reports her father, a month later he is in jail for the rest of his life, way too unrealistic! It's takes longer than a month for a court case.

Second- do you really think a rape victim would just get over being violated like that? Speaking from watching how long it took a friend of mine to even be comfortable in the presence of a man after she was raped, it takes a hell of a lot longer than the rape victim did in this story.

I'm sorry but I can't even be bothered remembering the characters names. The reason for that is they're all the same, one female character you've just changed the names for.

You have a story that had the possibility of being brilliant and you ruined it.

I suggest that if you are going to write stories with plots that you have no experience with, ie; trials for murder and rape, what rape victims go through etc, to do some research first.

I cannot continue to read this. "Rushed" doesn't even begin to describe the atrocities within this story. One thing that really bothers me though, is how all of the characters have the same personality. Whether it's a 200 year old male alpha, an abused incest rape victim, or a wealthy and happy teenage girl. They all sound like a happy go lucky teenage girls and all the girls but one have blond hair? And the one that doesn't is never there!? Did you just run out of ideas or are you basing all personalities and all of the female's looks on one person?

Now, I only read the first chapter and half of the second which was all I could stomach to tell the truth, but it seemed like sometimes when you were writing from the alphas perspective that he was narrating a journal. Don't know if that was just me or not. That kind of emphasized the teenage girl feel.

I have to say that I am so disappointed because I love the idea of mixing a tragic human event with the supernatural. I've been wanting to read a non-human story where the "female" isn't some sweet ass "little" innocent virgin. This girl has an incredibly hard life and she gets to be with a werewolf who will love and cherish for the rest of time. It's the true knight in shinning armor story, but you're not doing it any justice.

I just hate to see such a great idea executed in such a horrible way. If I were you I would take it down and rewrite everything and get an editor.