The Lady and the Cowboy Ch. 07

"God damnit," Tripp whispered as he gently tilted my head up and saw my swelling cheek. For a second he turned back toward Willy with a murderous gaze, but as my hand tightened on his arm, he once again faced me, and hugged my body to him before lifting me up in his arms and carrying me out of the barn.

He didn't walk far before we reached a small wooden building. As we went in, I realized it was some type of storage pantry, with goods stacked up along the walls. Tripp sat me down in a chair and went to one of the drawers to grab what looked like a cloth napkin. Then he walked through a door into the adjoining room and I heard him fumbling around with something else. When he came back, he knelt in front of me and held the napkin, which was now filled with ice, up to my cheek where Willy had struck me, a mixed look of concern and anger in his eyes. I didn't move for a moment, and simply let him hold the ice to the hurt side of my face, while he stroked the other side gently with the back of his hand.

"Hold this here, I have to go for a few minutes, but I'll be right back," he said softly. I knew he had to go take care of Willy, so I took the ice and nodded to him. What was going to happen? Would the police be involved? This was the last thing that I wanted right now, I was in no mood to deal with people, and I knew my parents especially were going to have a fit. Although I had been scared out of my mind while it was happening, I felt a more pressing urge to resolve a different problem - different than what had just happened with Willy. But for that, I needed to be alone with Tripp, something I knew wasn't going to happen for awhile yet.

It was actually nice to be alone with my thoughts for a moment before all hell broke loose. The door swung open minutes later and my mother and father rushed over to me, immediately bombarding me. I sighed as I answered the "what happened?" and "are you okay?" questions. I felt bad because they were clearly worried, and I tried to convey that I was all right, that nothing had happened. It had simply been a close call.

"This is all our fault," my mother cried. "We never should have pressured you to go riding with him. There clearly was a reason why you didn't want to. We just thought..."

"Mom, it's not your fault. There was no way you could have known, and it was my choice too. Really, I'm okay." I was slightly annoyed though. Here I was, the one who had gone through the traumatic experience, and I was the one doing the consoling. Shouldn't it be the other way around?

Tripp came back as I spoke to my mom and dad. He told us that Willy would have to go to the hospital before he could be taken into custody because of the broken nose and various other injuries that Tripp had dealt him. The police were on their way at that moment, and would need to talk to me that night to make a report. I looked at Tripp with a pleading in my eyes, and he apologized with his expression, knowing that all I wanted at that moment was to go somewhere away from the commotion. He looked like he wanted to rush over and hold me, but knew better than to do that with my parents there.

"I never would have thought that Willy would do such a thing..." my mother was still upset. "We sat at him with breakfast every day! His grandparents are our friends!"

I swear my parents were getting more worked up than I was. Why wasn't I more distraught? I realized it was because I would soon have to face another more terrifying dilemma, one that had been plaguing me for over a week.

I tried to tell my parents that I was fine and that I didn't want to talk to the police, or anyone for that matter. Tripp took my hand and told me that once we both gave our stories to the cops, then we wouldn't have to worry about it for the rest of the night.

And so, a half hour later, both of us stood outside next to two squad cars and talked to some officers who were taking notes, while the rest of the ranch gathered outside of the Lodge, buzzing excitedly and trying to see what was happening. It wasn't often that the Waterman Ranch was visited by an ambulance and a couple of cop cars. I might have laughed if the situation hadn't been so serious. The crime scenes that I'd seen in L.A. would put this one to shame.

I went through my part of the story, having to admit why I was waiting in the barn by myself. The officers didn't say much except the occasional, "and then?" I found it harder to talk when I got to the part about how Willy had grabbed me and began talking to me in his drunken fit.

"Just tell us exactly what he said, as much as you can recall. His words can make all the difference for an attempted rape charge," one of the officers told me.

Rape. The word reverberated in my head. Is that what had almost happened to me? Somehow looking back on it, the situation hadn't seemed as bad as it should have if that word was appropriate.

Tripp was behind me with his hands on my shoulders as I recounted what I could remember of Willy's actions. I felt his hands tighten in rage as I told the police what the man had said to me. "Shit," I heard him breathe behind me before he turned around to try and collect himself. It was difficult saying the words that Willy had accosted me with, but having Tripp hear them was extra painful, especially because he was mentioned in the slew of hateful speech.

The police continued to question us awhile more. By the time it was over, I could sense a depression in both Tripp and I. After recounting the tale to the officers, I realized that what had happened with Willy didn't really matter so much. Nothing truly serious occurred, and I had Tripp there with me, which made it all better. He made everything all better...but in two days, he wouldn't be there anymore. He would be gone, and I would be expected to return to a life which two weeks ago, I had been perfectly content with. That old life seemed so far away now. Tonight had finally made me realize that my world was quickly going to be crashing down over me.

"Kira, I'm so sorry that you had to go through this..." Tripp started to show some of the pain he was feeling as we watched the squad cars drive away. I too was sorry that I had to go through it. He was referring to what had gone on in the barn though, which was not what I thought of when he said the words. "I should walk you back to your cabin," his voice was dead and emotionless as he began to slowly move. I didn't want to go back to the cabin. I wanted to tell him everything I was feeling.

"Tripp, wait, I wanted to talk to you tonight..."

I don't know how, but he seemed to understand what it was that was plaguing me. "Kira, with everything that has happened tonight, I'm not sure this is the best time." He sounded tired and confused. Confused was the last thing I wanted him to be. I needed him to be my rock, my support. I needed him to hold me and tell me everything was going to work out.

But I didn't get a chance to respond. In that moment, I saw Luke rushing over to us with a furious look in his eyes, similar to the one Tripp had when he dealt with Willy. My parents had told my siblings about what happened, but they couldn't talk to me with the police there questioning us. Now, I had never seen my brother so enraged before.

He didn't even acknowledge me as I stood there in our semi-secluded area near the barn. Instead, he went right for Tripp, not even bothering to stop for a moment before he slugged him across the cheek.

"Luke!" I screamed out as I ran to stop him from throwing another punch, which he was already primed for. I didn't make it in time, but Tripp, who had been taken aback, was ready now and easily deflected the swinging fist.

"You bastard!" my brother yelled to Tripp as I grabbed his arm, trying to rationalize with him. "How dare you do this to her!" He barely glanced my way as he tossed me off before moving in on Tripp again. Tripp was preventing Luke's attacks by averting the hands or simply turning aside when my brother charged at him, but he didn't do anything to hit back.

"I'm not going to fight you!" Tripp said harshly, trying to make my brother see that this was a one-man brawl. If it had come down to a fight, there was no doubt in my mind who would have won. Tripp had a good five inches on Luke, and was much brawnier.

"Luke, please!" I cried. What the hell was going on? "He saved me tonight, he's the reason why I'm all right!"

"No, Kira! If it weren't for him, none of this would have happened!"

"What does Tripp have to do with Willy wanting me?"

"You wouldn't have gone to that barn!"

"You don't know that! There would have been another way!" I was getting furious now at my brother who didn't realize what Tripp had done for me that night.

"Look at you! Defending him like some brainwashed little girl! What do you think is going to happen? What is going to come of this?" He motioned back and forth between Tripp and I, momentarily abating his physical hostility.

I realized then that this wasn't solely about what happened tonight. Luke was asking the same question I had been asking myself. I fought back tears as I tried to remain calm. "This is none of your business, Luke." My voice was low and serious.

"It's my business when some redneck treats my sister like a slut that he can just use and toss aside!"

Tripp winced at that one, his face contorting into anger and... remorse? Surely I misread his expression. After everything we had shared together, it was not going to end with me simply packing up and leaving, never to see him again.

"Luke, you have no idea what you're talking about," I tried not to cry. "This was just as much my doing as it was his! You think I didn't have a say in this? You think I didn't choose this?"

"You're nineteen, you don't know what you want!"

"Yes, I am nineteen, and I'm not a child anymore! I don't need you to tell me what I should be doing with my life!"

"He's using you, Kira!" He turned now back to Tripp, who had been standing there with a look of regret on his face. "You low-life piece of shit!" I didn't know what was more painful, Luke's words or the fact that Tripp wasn't denying them.

Tripp saw the punch coming, but did nothing to stop it this time. He barreled over as Luke took him in the gut, probably knocking the wind out of him. I cried out and once again, hurled myself at Luke, who shrugged me off and stepped back, giving me one last hard look and shaking his head before turning around and walking away with his back toward us.

I was too angry to cry at that moment. It had been so unfair of him, my brother, to come up on Tripp like that, knowing that he wouldn't fight back because he cared about me. I ran over to Tripp, who was still nursing his stomach, and tried to embrace him, putting my hands on his face and bringing his face to mine.

"I'm sorry, I'm so sorry," I whispered, placing my forehead against his.

"Don't be, Kira," his voice was tortured and his eyes were closed, but he brought his hand up to stroke my hair.

"What are you thinking?" I asked urgently after a few moments as I stroked his face, trying to get him to look at me, to let me in.

"I don't know..."

"Yes you do, tell me!" I said harshly, frustrated with his silent thoughts.

"I feel terrible..." he spat out, tearing himself away from me and turning around. He ran his hands through his hair, and I stood there, waiting to hear the rest. "I feel terrible for doing this to you."

"Don't, Tripp, you saved me tonight, it wasn't your fault," I tried to reason with him.

"Yes, yes it's all my fault! Not just tonight, everything!"

I froze where I stood, anger slowly threatening to consume me. I saw what was happening, what was going to come to pass in a matter of moments. "You feel terrible. Why?" My voice suddenly turned cold. "You feel terrible for making me fall in love with you?"

His face shot up to look at me as I said it, as if he couldn't believe it. He began shaking his head, willing it to not be true. "No...no, Kira, you can't, you're leaving!" He brought it to the surface. The misery was written all over his face as he turned back toward me. He was in just as much agony as I was, so why didn't he do something about it?

"Yes, yes I'm leaving, Tripp, I'm leaving in a couple of days." It took every ounce of willpower to hold the tears back and keep my voice steady. I tried to be strong. He said he felt terrible, what did that mean? He felt terrible for all that had happened between us? Did he wish he could take it back? He had to feel something, he had to! "So what are we going to do?" My voice had dropped to a whisper, turning careful and detached.

"There's always next summer," he said softly after a moment.

I died a little inside. "Next summer? I see what this is... Sure, we'll wait until next summer." I broke, my voice caving in, leaving behind the cool tone and turning wild. "I'll go back and we'll fucking wait until next summer! Why don't you just say it! That you don't want me anymore! That you're done! That my brother was right!"

He started shouting too. "It doesn't matter if I want you or not! It doesn't matter how I feel! You tell me how it's supposed to work! Tell me that, Kira! You're in college, you have school to finish up! And I have to be here on this ranch. Shit, we've known each other for two weeks, that's all it's been. Two weeks! We can't base a commitment on that!" He became as frenzied as I was.

The tears were streaming down my face at this point. His words washed through me like ice. 'That's all it's been' - was that what he thought about these two weeks, the greatest two weeks of my existence? I was furious, and I was crushed.

"Well this must be really convenient for you, Tripp, me leaving and all. You don't have to do anything, the situation fixes itself, doesn't it?" My voice was cold and broken, and unable to stop myself, words poured out of me in anger. "I bet you fuck every piece of ass that comes through this ranch! How many women across the country are pining in their beds at night for Tripp Carson?"

The astonishment and hurt exploded all over his face as I spat his name out like it was a disease. Good. I wanted to hurt him. I wanted his world to end, just as mine was at that moment. I felt as if I couldn't breathe, like my chest was collapsing in. We simply stood there and stared at each other for a few seconds, me - with tears running down my cheeks and the feeling in my gut like I was about to be sick, and him - with a face contorted in anger, sadness, and confusion.

"Don't feel terrible, Tripp. I don't love you, how could I love you?" I spat out coldly. "I hate you, and I hate you more than I've ever hated anything!" I couldn't look at him anymore, I couldn't watch the effect my words were having. As I began to sob, I turned and ran. I ran and ran, and I didn't stop until I reached the cabin.

After I tore up the stairs to the small porch I threw myself against the railing, bending over it while I gasped and choked with the worst pain I had ever been in. I wanted to vomit. I tried, but nothing would come up. Was this what it felt like to die? I certainly felt as if I were dying.

Later that night, I lay in bed, willing myself to sleep so that I could escape the anguish. It was one of the first nights in awhile that I was actually sleeping in my cabin bed, instead of Tripp's, where I usually snuck off to in the evenings. It felt foreign and unnatural. Looking back, I found it odd that I had all but forgotten about Willy, yet it made sense. Willy would have merely raped my body. How insignificant my body seemed at this moment. Tripp had been more thorough. Tonight, Tripp had raped my heart.