The Long Road Ch. 03

"3947 Cedar Oak Drive."

"I'll be there in twenty minutes. Don't let him out of your sight, and make sure there are no sharp instruments or anything he can hurt himself with lying around."

"Doc, will he be alright?"

"I don't know. We have to wait and see. I imagine he had some pretty severe flashbacks, which is exactly what I was afraid would happen. Damn I wish you had waited until I told you it was okay to resume sexual relations."

"I know, but it wasn't something we had planned. It just happened."

"Well, we'll talk more about it after I've seen Kyle. I will need to know exactly what happened."

"Everything?"

"Everything. It's the only way I can make an accurate assessment of the situation."

Jay sighed heavily. "Okay. Doctor Foster, I'm really, really sorry. You know I wouldn't do anything to hurt him. He's my entire world."

"I know, son. We'll do everything we can to help him. Hopefully we'll be able to bring him back to where he was quickly. I'll see you in a few minutes."

"Okay. Thanks, Doc."

"Bye, Jayson."

"Bye."

Chapter 27

He slowly walked up to the podium and turned to the audience. With a trembling voice he began the most difficult speech of his life. "How do you sum up the life of the most wonderful, caring, giving, compassionate, beautiful man I've ever had the honor and privilege of knowing in just a few minutes?" He turned and glanced at the lifeless figure lying in the coffin.

"He gave more of himself than anyone I've ever known, and I.....I....miss him....so very much..." The tears made it impossible to continue the eulogy. The minister jumped to his side and helped him to his seat, then concluded the funeral.

At the gravesite after the service, he began again. "I would like to do something different. Rather than the traditional service, I would like to do a ritual I read in one of Marion Zimmer Bradley's Darkover novels." He had already discussed it with the family, who really liked the idea. He stepped up to the coffin.

"I remember the first time we kissed. We ran into each other in the Rainbow & Triangles Bar and started playing darts. I tripped over the mat and he caught me and held me tight until I regained my footing. He looked deep into my eyes then kissed me on the cheek, then on the lips. It sent shivers down my spine. Let that memory lighten grief." He took a handful of dirt and threw it onto the coffin. One by one each person shared a fond memory of him, said the ritual words then threw a handful of dirt on the coffin.

Later, back at the house, several people approached him and told him how beautiful the ritual was, how much he would have liked it, and how it made them feel just a little bit better.

"I can't go on like this. I don't want to live without him. This time Doctor Foster can't perform a magic trick and bring us back together. Kyle's gone for good, and I'll never forgive myself. I broke my promise to him. I didn't protect him. I don't deserve to live."

Before anyone realized his intent, he grabbed a knife off the counter and stabbed himself in the heart. As he slid to the floor, his last thought was "I'm coming, Kyle. We'll soon be together for all eternity."

"Jayson! Jay!" Tommy cried as he shook him, but to no avail. Jay was gone.

"Jay! Wake up." Doctor Foster shook him roughly.

He awoke with a start. "Oh. Doctor Foster. I just had the most horrible dream. Kyle committed suicide over what had happened in bed between us, then after the funeral I couldn't live without him so I stabbed myself in the heart and died so we could be together." The words came out in a rush.

"Relax, Jay. It was just a dream."

"Doc, I have to ask, but I'm scared. Is Kyle" He faltered.

"Kyle is very much alive. He's sedated for the moment, and will be on suicide watch for the next twenty-four to forty-eight hours. Then we'll get to work on undoing the damage. What in hell ever possessed you that you would try to penetrate him when you knew he wasn't ready for that yet?"

"It wasn't like that, Doc." He then proceeded to explain the events of the evening.

"So basically it was Kyle who initiated things."

"Yes and no. Like I said, he didn't want to sleep in the bed alone and was feeling very guilty about not being able to take care of my sexual needs. He's the type of person that can sense other's needs and does what he can to help them fill those needs which is probably why he's a teacher. I wouldn't be surprised if he knew exactly how many times I had to whack off in the bathroom so I wouldn't try to have sex with him, which is the most wonderful experience in the world. Everything was fine up until the point where we started wrestling and I ended up on top of him. Did you know he was an NCAA national champion wrestler in college?"

"No, I didn't."

"Yeah, since the only wrestling I ever did was in high school phys ed, I was surprised that I was able to pin him down like that, even though that was never my intention. It was almost as if he wanted me to."

"It wouldn't surprise me that on some unconscious level, he did. He's told me a number of times how much he missed making love to you and couldn't wait to resume having sex with you. Once I asked him what was so special about it and" Doctor Foster blushed furiously "he went into very graphic detail about the sex act itself."

Jay's face turned as red as Doctor Foster's. "Kyle's some sex machine. He's insatiable sometimes. I swear he could wear out a mechanical bull." He said, laughing.

"He pretty much said the same about you."

A nurse walked up. "Doctor Foster, Kyle Matthews is awake and asking for you."

"Thank you nurse. Jay, I'll talk with you later. Go home and get some rest and I'll call you after I've talked with him."

"Okay. Thanks Doc. We can't thank you enough for everything."

"Oh, wait until you get my bill."

"You may have to take it out in trade." Jay teased.

"Nah, I don't think my wife would appreciate it." He teased back. "Now, get the hell out of here.

"Okay, Doc. I'll talk to you later."

Chapter 28

Andy set their iced teas down on the coffee table and snuggled up to Tommy in front of the TV.

"Andy, I really hate this feeling of helplessness. I want so badly to help Kyle and Jay, but there's nothing I can do. If I thought for one minute that Jay purposely manipulated the situation so he could fuck Kyle I'd beat the shit out of him, FBI Agent or no FBI Agent."

"You think he did it on purpose?"

"No, not at all. Jay would rather take cold showers or whack off than do anything to hurt him. Those two can't seem to get a break, can they?"

"Apparently not. Talk about star-crossed lovers!"

"I wonder how Kyle's doing."

"There's one way to find out." Tommy grabbed the phone and called Jay. "Hey, it's Tommy. How's he doing?"

"Not good. He won't talk to anyone. He just lies in bed on his stomach crying as if he's being raped over and over again. I really blew it this time. I'm scared he might be committed." Jay's voice broke. "Why did I ever let him talk me into going to bed with him?" His voice filled with self-recrimination. "Everything was perfect up to the point where we started wrestling and I ended up on top of him."

"With his wresting background, I can't imagine why it would have affected him that way."

"My lying on top of him with him on his stomach was the position we were both raped in. Plus I was hard, and my erection was pressed between his ass cheeks. We were naked."

"What in hell was going on? Why, of all things, were you naked?"

"He wanted to take care of my needs. I guess he figured out how many times I whacked off in the bathroom. I refused to fuck him, but I let him blow me. I wanted to reciprocate. Would you believe he topped me?"

"No."

"Well, he did. I wanted to know what it felt like to be fucked by someone who loves me, not someone who was just using me for their own sexual gratification."

"Holy sheepshit, Jay, no wonder he freaked out. I know this sounds trite and cliché, but it wasn't your fault. You didn't plan on it happening. It just did." Andy said, grabbing the phone from Tommy as he repeated Jay's words.

"I know, but if I had exercised more self control, he wouldn't be back in that fucking hospital."

"Instead of beating yourself up over it why don't you come over for dinner?"

"Thanks, but I need to stay by the phone in case Doctor Foster calls. Being Kyle's best friends, I'm surprised you and Andy want anything to do with me considering what has happened."

"Okay, look. We're your best friends as well, and we're just as concerned about you as we are about Kyle. More so, because he has Doctor Foster and the nurses looking after him, and you don't have anyone looking after for you. So now you have a choice. Either you forward your phone to our number and get your ass over here for dinner, or I come over there, forward the phone myself and drag you here."

"Just my ass?"

"Well, I suppose the rest of you can come along with it." Tommy replied, deadpan.

"I don't care where he comes, as long as he cleans it up." Andy yelled, which made all three of them bust out laughing.

"Okay, let me take a quick shower, change and I'll be over in about a half hour."

"See you then. Perhaps we can interest you in a game of Killer Bunnies?"

"You know, you just gave me an idea. Maybe we can talk Doctor Foster into letting us bring Bunnies to Kyle. You know how much he loves the game. Perhaps it might bring him around."

"It's worth a try. It can't hurt."

"Let me call the doctor and find out."

"Okay. Let us know what he says. See you in a few." He hung up and called Kyle's doctor.

"Doctor Foster speaking."

"Hey Doc. It's Jayson Williams. How's he doing?"

"About the same. He still won't talk to anyone. What's up?"

"Tommy came up with an idea. There's this wacky card game that Kyle really, really loves. What if Tommy, Andy and I came over with the game to play with him?

"How long does it take to play?"

"About an hour or so."

"I see. Well, bring it over tomorrow around four and I'll consider it after I've looked it over. I could sit in and keep an eye on his reactions. I may have to cut the game short if he starts to get upset, in which case everyone will have to leave without discussion."

"Great. We'll see you tomorrow at four.

"Okay."

Chapter 29

"Hello?"

"Denise? It's Karin. Any word on Kyle?"

"Nothing new. Kyle's still pretty unresponsive. Jay, Tommy and Andy are going over today to try and bring him around. They got the okay to try using Bunnies."

"Well, if his absolute favorite game doesn't bring him around, I don't think anything will. You know how much he adores it."

"Yeah, I know. It's weird. Being into physics and science and all that, I'd never guess he'd get so deep into a card game like that."

"Go figure."

"I can't. I don't think there's a mathematical formula, equation, super computer or whatever that can figure Kyle out." Denise replied, giggling.

Karin laughed. "I think I'll head over to the hospital. When were they all going to be there?"

"I think Andy said around four. They may not let you in. They don't want too many people around him at this point in time."

"Oh, I'm not going to join them, I just want to be there to lend them some moral support and find out first hand how everything goes."

"Please call me and let me know what happens."

"I will. Talk with you later."

"Bye for now."

Surprised to see Karin arrive at the hospital, Andy asked her, "Hey, lady! What brings you here?"

"I heard you guys were going to try to bring Kyle around using Bunnies and I wanted to be here to lend moral support."

"Awesome. We're going to play with his doctor first. He wants to make sure it won't upset him or mess him up any further. We have KinderBunnies* with us as well, in case the doctor says no to Killer Bunnies. Want to join us?"

"I'd love to, but will I be allowed to?"

"There's no reason why you can't join us for the demo game, and we can ask about you joining us when we play with Kyle, if he lets us."

"Hey guys! What brings you here, Karin?" Tommy asked, surprised to see her, and definitely glad she was there.

"What do you think? Bunnies, of course!" She replied, giggling. "Seriously, I'm here to lend some moral support."

"If Kyle's doctor gives us the okay to play Bunnies with Kyle, I'm going to ask if Karin can join us." Andy explained.

"That would be cool. Jay should be here any minute with the games." Tommy responded.

"I brought them with me."

"Cool. Hey, here comes Jay with the doctor."

"Hey everyone."

"Well, let's see this game you all have been raving about. Karin, are you in on this scheme also?"

"Actually, my initial intention was to be here to lend everybody moral support, but I'm always up for a game of Killer Bunnies."

"Well, let's get started then. Show me how you play the game."

For the next hour, their corner of the cafeteria was filled with raucous laughter.

"Well, I must admit it's a fun game. You've hooked me on it. I see no reason why we can't give it a try. Just the four of you, though, unless you would rather not, Karin."

"Actually, Doctor, I was kind of hoping to be able to play. Kyle and I have always been extremely close."

"Fine. Let me go talk to him and see how he feels about it. How much time will you need to get the game ready to play again?"

"About ten minutes" Jay replied.

"Okay. Let me go see Kyle and feel him out. You get the game ready to play again and I'll be back in a few minutes."

"Good morning, Kyle. How are you feeling today?" Doctor Foster asked, receiving no response from Kyle.

"Jay, Tommy, Andy and your cousin Karin are here to see you."

Still no response. Kyle just laid there on his stomach, legs spread, and teeth clenched and clinging to the mattress as if he was being raped.

"They brought Killer Bunnies with them, hoping you would join them in a game."

"Bunnies?" He whispered, loosening his grasp on the mattress slightly.

"They brought your set with all of the special cards you created. I must admit I can't remember when I've had so much fun playing a card game."

"Bunnies?" He asked again, his voice a little stronger.

Doctor Foster removed one of Kyle's hand-drawn cards from his pocket and placed it in front of his face. "Yes, Bunnies. They're waiting to play with you."

"Bunnies!" Kyle responded, his voice closer to normal as he turned over in the bed. Then he remembered who Doctor Foster said was waiting to play and turned back over onto his stomach, burying his face in the pillow.

"You don't want to play?" Doctor Foster asked, puzzled.

"Jay won't want to play. He doesn't want anything more to do with me."

"Why do you say that? It was his idea to bring the game to you."

"He hasn't come to see me since I've been here."

"Kyle, Jay has been here every single day hoping to see you. He's even slept outside your door on more than one occasion."

"He hasn't come in to see me."

"Because I wouldn't let him until you were ready. Would you like to see him?"

He paused, not sure if he could face him. "Yes." Kyle finally responded, slowly, uncertain that Jay would actually want to see him.

Doctor Foster picked up the phone and dialed a special number. "Attention hospital visitors. Will Special Agent Williams please report to room 3481-North? Thank you." He hung up.

After a few moments, there was a knock on the door. Doctor Foster opened it to admit Jay, then left, closing the door behind him.

"Hello, Kyle." Jay said, cautiously, not approaching the bed.

Kyle held out his arms and Jay rushed into them, both men crying.

"Kyle, I'm soooo sorry for what happened. It was never my intention to attempt to fuck you."

"It was my fault. I pressed the issued. I want to come home." Kyle clung tightly to Jay. "Please hold me."

Jay got onto the bed and gathered Kyle into his arms, holding him close, but not too tightly.

"Tommy, Andy, Karin and Doctor Foster are all waiting to play Bunnies. Are you ready to play or not?"

"I don't know if I can face them, knowing that they know what happened to me. They probably only came to play Bunnies."

"You think so little of your friends?"

"No, my friends, if they still are that, are the best."

"Then why did you say that they only came for that?"

"Because I can't understand why they would want to be around me."

"They all love you and want to help you through this."

"Well, thank them for me, but I'm really not worth the time and effort."

"Not worth the time and effort?" Jay almost shouted, making Kyle recoil from his anger. "That's the biggest crock of bullshit I've ever heard come out of your mouth. If you weren't worth the effort I wouldn't be here right now, nor would everyone else." He rose and stormed to the door. Opening it, he turned to Kyle. "Maybe this wasn't such a good idea after all." He left the room and sought out Doctor Foster, explaining to him what just happened.

"Let me go talk to him. Don't go anywhere just yet."

Doctor Foster slowly opened the door to Kyle's room and cautiously peeked in, finding Kyle huddled miserably on the bed. "Kyle? Are you ready to play Killer Bunnies?"

Kyle just lay there, not saying anything.

"Kyle? We need to talk about what just happened."

"I'm sure you have more important things to do than waste your time talking to my worthless ass."

"Kyle, I, want to be here, as do those who are waiting to play Killer Bunnies with you. We care about you. If we truly thought you were worthless, we wouldn't be here. I don't understand what happened to make you think that way about yourself."

"I'm worthless as a boyfriend and I'm worthless as a teacher. The two most important things in my life."

Okay, Doctor Foster thought to himself. There's more going on here than just the aftermath of the kidnapping and rape. "Let's talk about your job for a moment."

"What about it?"

"Do you like your job?"

"I used to love it. It was the most important thing in my life, next to Jay."

"And what happened to change that?"

"The kids used to look up to me and I failed them miserably."

"How did you fail them?"

"I used to run the after-school science club."

"Used to? Why aren't you doing it anymore?"

"It was shut down. They took the money for the club and sunk it into the new football stadium, which we did not need." Kyle's anger was very much evident in his voice and in the tension in his body. "I sent letters home to the parents and I argued with the school board, but they wouldn't listen. FUCKING BEAUROCRATS!!!!! I HATE THEM!!!!!!" Kyle shouted. He paused for a moment then continued in a more normal tone of voice, but Doctor Foster could tell he was still agitated. "I had over fifty kids in my club, none of whom were jocks. There's nothing left for them now, and nobody gives a shit."

"You obviously do." Doctor Foster said, soothingly.

"For all the good it does. I had offered to continue the program at my house. I even told them I'd pay for everything out of my own pocket, but they denied me. All they care about are the damned jocks!"

"I can understand them not allowing you to run the program at your house, but I can't understand their refusing your very generous offer to fund the program yourself. Surely there was room for compromise to keep the program going."

"You agree with them?" Kyle asked, extremely agitated.

"Look at it this way, Kyle. Suppose the school board had granted you permission to continue the club at your house. What would happen if one of the students injured themselves? They wouldn't be covered under the school's insurance policy. You could be sued for the medical expenses, and the school could also be sued for allowing you to conduct an extra-curricular activity off school grounds without parental consent. And God help you if one of the female students' cried rape or one of the male students claimed you sexually molested him."