The Medical Record Ch. 04

I resolved to face the problems head on. I had to do this without Bob's help this time as he was part of the problem.

Arriving home physically and emotionally tired, as I entered, Janet called from the hallway leading from the bedroom. She had obviously showered again and redressed.

"Honey. Where is the bedroom phone. I can't find it anywhere."

"I'm very tired, Janet. Let me rest a minute and shower again. Then I'll help you hunt for it."

I walked past her on my way to my second shower of the day. I was sweaty and tired. The hot shower felt really good. I ended it with a cold water rinse and I felt invigorated. After dressing again I wandered to the kitchen for a drink of water from the refrigerator. The filtered water tasted better than the faucet water.

"Okay, time to help me find the phone" Janet requested. I had taken it with me and left it on the hood of my car as I had come in.

"I'll get it, Janet. It's in the garage where I left it." I went to the garage and retrieved it.

"What was it doing out there, John?"

"I had used it, Janet. Go sit down. We have to talk. I listened in on Jennifer's call to you just before I went jogging. Did you know I had listened?"

"John, you eves dropped on me again? How can you do that. That was a private conversation." She was attacking me. Her voice was aggressive.

"We had promised not to have secrets and private conversations, you broke our promise and besides, this I my house to and I can do what I want to here." I attacked back. I was going to be dominant.

"I only promised not talk to Bob privately. You gave me permission to talk to Jennifer." She was right on that point.

"Okay, you are right there. Nevertheless, I have major problems with you as a result of listening in. Do you want to explain them all or should I enumerate them and wait for attempted answers?"

"How do I know what you are thinking. You ask the questions and I'll answer. Don't try this cute stuff on me John?" She was testing me.

"First, Janet, lets recognize what's going on here now. We are being confrontational and aggressive with each other. This damages our marriage. Let's get over the accusations and denials and try to be honest and up front and as calm as possible. This is difficult enough for me without accusations and evasions.

We sat across the table yet again. Each was eyeing the other. I couldn't determine her attitude by looking at her.

"Okay, here we go again, Janet."

"First, I will prescribe the morning after pills for you. You don't have to ask me. I don't want you pregnant either." She just sat there with no expression but did take a big breath. I reached for my prescription blanks and wrote her an Rx for the pill pack.

"Next come the harder parts. I am terribly upset that you and Jennifer and Bob conspired to drug me. We agreed to have no secrets. Although the outcome was positive for both the Xanax and the Viagra, the fact that you conspired secretly is very distressing. I don't want your explanations. I just want you to know how deeply you hurt me. You knew I was anxious about all this yet you secretly drugged me. There can be no excuses or explanations and regrets are also useless. The damage is done."

"If you had not eaves dropped everything would have been okay." She sighed and clouded up.

"Janet, tears don't heal the trust issue. Tears don't make it right or okay. You said you didn't give your soul to Bob but you gave your soul to Jennifer by conspiring in secret and intending to keep a secret from me. How do you see this as 'trust building'?" I was getting angry and she could tell it.

We wanted everything to go smoothly for you reduce your anxiety. We truly meant well but it backfired."

"You didn't trust me, did you, Janet? You thought you couldn't trust me so to insure you and Bob got to fuck, you drugged me. This all has degenerated as I had expected it to. Don't need to reply, I just wanted to tell you how badly you hurt me and how you did it."

"Janet, the next does require a full honest explanation. Remember, you have broken trust with me already so lies about this next will tare our marriage apart."

I stood up purposefully stand tall over her. She cringed then stood up also to l look me in the eyes. I took this as defiance.

"Sit down, Janet1" I ordered.

"I'll sit only if you sit!" she spit back at me. She was not going to be easy.

I sat down. This was not to be a test of wills. I wanted honest answers but I was afraid of either honest or dishonest ones. I couldn't get my mind and emotions in synch.

"Janet, I heard you say that you didn't like to feel a cock in your pussy with a condom on. How in the world could you say that. I haven't worn a condom in over 15 years yet here you are saying you don't like condoms. Are you having recent experiences with a man who has to wear a condom? Are you having an affair? How many men are involved? I know my voice sounded with the anger and irritation that I had.

Janet got real quiet. Then without hesitation she said, "You are taking that comment way out of context. All my experiences with condoms have been with you only. They were before you got the vasectomy. I can remember how I disliked the old style condoms. They were called 'rubbers' for a good reason. They not only covered your penis, they took away a lot of sensation from me to. We talked about it. That's when we decided on your vasectomy. Now if I used the present tense to describe a past experience it is because I live in the present. Please don't read into how I said that as being how I am currently experiencing it. The other reason I made that comment is that I made a huge mistake by not requiring Bob to wear a condom for pregnancy protection last night. If he had worn one, I don't know it it would have felt any different or not. The new thin condoms are supposed to feel 'natural'. I have never had any experience with the new ones. If we ever decide for a repeat with them, he is going to have to wear protection. I'm so sorry that this was misinterpreted." She had completed her explanation and I had no effective rebuttal. Maybe my anxiety had affected my judgment. Maybe I had worked myself into a lather for no good reason. Still, she had drugged me and was going to keep it secret from me.

"Janet, I believe you about the condom thing. Your drugging me in cahoots with Bob and Jennifer and then intending to keep it secret is still very bothersome."

"John, I was going to tell you everything in a few days when this all settled down. I knew if I told you now that what has happened, would happen. Believe me, I will not have secrets from you. I just had not had the opportunity to tell you."

"Janet, it would have been better to tell me you thought I might have an acute erectile dysfunction and then suggest I take a Viagra. I was thinking about that anyway (I lied but would have done it with her suggestion). Do you see how we are not communicating about the important things that affect our marriage?"

"Janet, I understand why you did this but disagree with your reasoning and with your mistrust about my decision to allow the swap to happen. From my point of view, we need not discuss this further. Let's just agree to disagree. I do love you and I want you believe in me."

We left the table and prepared for the day to come. We were back on good terms. Something inside me refused to accept what she had told me. Let me go back and tell you a little more about myself.

I took as many psychology classes as I could cram in' to my premed undergraduate curriculum. In medical school I took an elective rotation with a psychologist and became familiar with the "tools" as they call the various tests the administer. After graduation I completed a residency in Family Practice. I got interested in Emergency Medicine so I completed al the emergency medicine courses available through the local Emergency Medicine Services. That's how I was qualified to do locum tenens work in both office and ER settings. But I digress here.

I had taken various psychological tests at various times during my career, mostly for personal interest. My personality was heavily weighted toward the "intuitive" side. This means I had more than usual capacity to pick up on things. Some call it "reading between the lines." This gift had lead me to become an expert diagnostician. I could find out what was really bothering a patient when they could not express it themselves. I had a "sixth sense" in many circumstances. Sometimes my gut feeling was wrong but more often than not, it was right, even if the circumstances seemed to dictate the opposite.

It was this gut feeling, or intuition, that worried me about where my marriage was going and why. It nagged at me making me uncomfortable when I should have been comfortable emotionally.

True, I got stressed on occasion. This whole episode that lead up to our swapping was the latest and worst. I knew rational decision making could be adversely affected by emotions. Perhaps that was the whole cause this time but my intuition kept telling me to be on guard; to investigate; to believe but confirm. I had to fight both battles simultaneously. I had to believe to control my emotions and make rational decisions. At the same time, I had to disbelieve enough (allow my intuition to advise me) to confirm what was really going on. I had to read between the lines of what Janet, Bob and Jennifer told me to discern the truth of her, and or their, respective motives.

If this had been a medical problem, I would have proceeded with confidence. I know what additional history or physical exam or labs or imaging would confirm my gut feeling. This was not medical. It really wasn't psychiatric either. I was involved in an area totally out of my realm of expertise. I did not have the tools with which to work.

I had no evidence that Janet was cheating on me. I had never had any suspicions before the incident with the Medical Record. So why was my gut telling me to be cautious and investigate. I didn't think that a Private Investigator would be of any real help and I wasn't all that suspicious either. I decided to push my gut feelings onto the back burner. Not off the stove, mind you, just to not let it interfere with my decision making and my relationship with Janet. I hoped I could do that. Time would tell and time was not urgent at this point.

That evening, Janet and I were enjoying a relaxing time together on the deck. We had just finished a small chicken barbeque outside meal that we had each had part in fixing. We were both in lounge chairs enjoying the warm evening, holding hands and sipping the one glass of wine we allowed ourselves daily.

Janet spoke, "Honey, do you want to talk some more about our visit with Bob and Janet yesterday?" Her tone was friendly and slightly inquisitive. She turned to smile at me as she spoke. I returned her smile with a genuine smile of my own.

"Janet, about the only things I would say more than what we said this morning is that I want our agreement about your not talking to Bob to extend and continue for the time being. I do not want to discuss any possibility of a repeat. Maybe I will feel different in the future but for now, I'm not in the least interested in a repeat or anything like that."

"John, I agree on both points." She squeezed my hand. "I need to repair whatever damage has been done our marriage. Let's promise to work together to make our marriage stronger and healthier."

"Okay. I needed to hear that from you spontaneously." I grinned broadly and squeezed her hand. "The biggest problem I have is that I really don't want to have sex with you now. I hope this is a short term thing. We were both hoping the swap would do good things for us but I'm in a bit of depression instead. I love you, Janet, but my other head is not at all excited. I look at you and you are just as beautiful as ever. Maybe, right now, tonight, I am still so sexually spent from last night that even you don't excite me. I hope this condition is very short term."

"Honey," she continued, " My pussy is not the least bit sore from his tiny dick but my clit has had an awesome workout. I.."

I interrupted her, "Janet I told you I don't want to talk about it now. So drop it, please. No more about yesterday." I spoke emphatically, catching her off guard

"Okay, but we are going to have to talk about it some time and some time soon." She drew her hand back and wasn't smiling any more.

I lost my smile and even temper. "Janet. We don't have to talk about it. I have no desire to go over any part of what happened. I'm no under the influence of neither Xanax nor Viagra you so graciously drugged me with. This discussion is closed."

"That's not fair, John, I think..."

I interrupted again more forcefully. "Janet, this discussion about yesterday is over. Period! Don't push it." I didn't say 'please'. I was not going to rehash a difficult situation while my emotional wounds were still fresh.

"Janet, my emotional wounds are still fresh. Just accept that. Let time heal them. Give me some space. If I ever want to talk about yesterday with you, I'll let you know. You can ask me if I'm ready to talk and I will tell you yes or no. If the answer is no, then don't push it. I don't want this to be another source of conflict. Let's work on our communications. That means, not talking about yesterday now."

"You don't have to get all huffy, John. I can take the hint." She got up. "I have to go pee." With that she disappeared.

I was getting the hint to. She was upset because I wouldn't talk about the swapping and I had cut her off twice. I felt good for standing up for my right to control the conversation. Apparently she wasn't feeling the same way.

I saw the red light come on the portable phone. Janet was using the phone. I decided to eaves drop again.

As I picked up the phone, Janet was speaking. "Bob, I can't talk to you. I wanted to talk to Jennifer. Is she there?"

Jennifer was taking a shower and not available. I thought Janet should hang up and call back or ask Bob to tell her to return the call.

"Janet," Bob was speaking, "You are terrific. You were everything I had hoped for and more. I can hardly wait until the next time like we agreed to last night."

"Bob I'm not allowed to talk to in private. Yes, you were are an awesome sex partner and I'm so looking to our being together again. Next time we can try some new things to." she giggled and continued "but I can't talk to from this phone in my house. If John heard this knew we were talking, he would go ballistic. So you have Jennifer call me back. Jennifer and I can find a way for the three of to enjoy ourselves again without John's getting all bent out of shape." She hung up.

I hung up immediately. My intuition had served me well. She had talked to Bob knowing that she had promised not to. She was planning on another time with him without my knowledge. She had that as secret to keep from me. Now I was angry again. She was duping me again. Not with drugs but even worse, with a planned tryst. Maybe she was falling in love with Bob or maybe just wanting more extramarital sex than I would agree to.

Before I knew what I was doing, I was upstairs in our bedroom. Janet was still in the bathroom. She must have heard me come in for the bathroom door opened and she came out into the bedroom.

I had picked up two suitcases from the hall closet and laid one opened on the bed. As I began to put clothes in the first one Janet spoke.

"What's up, John? You haven't said anything about a trip. Did you get a call from your dad that your mom is real sick again?"

I closed the first bag, moved it to the hall and lifted the other onto the bed. Without looking at her I said, "Yep, I was on the phone after you came up to pee." I continued to put clothes and other articles into the second bag. When I had it full, I closed it and took it to hall beside the first bag. I came back in the bedroom and got my overnight kit and put in a carry on style hand bag and tossed in several handfuls of stuff from the bathroom I knew I was angry and it was showing.

"John, What in world has gotten into you? What kind of mess was it that has you all upset?" She must not have known that I had eaves dropped again.

"I'll talk about it in a minute or two, Janet. Just don't interrupt me right now."

I took the bags to my car I returned to get stuff out of my files again, stuffing them into the same box they had been in before. I took these to my car, putting these in the front seat. Janet had followed me to the car. I was still in my shorts. Realizing this, I went back to the bedroom and found an old pair of used up jeans and an old work shirt to slip over my shorts and T shirt. I turned to her. She having followed me back to the bedroom. I pointed to our bed, gesturing emphatically.

"We will never share this together again. You can invite Bob over now. I can't be hurt any worse. I heard you talking to Bob on the phone. I heard you making plans to get together with him secretly from me. You can have his little dick fulltime now without my caring or without your fearing discovery. You think I'm a wimp now that you got your first romp with him. I'm probably wrong to think it was your first time with him. Anyway you can have him and Jennifer to if you are inclined towards women now that you are liberated."

Janet sank to the bed, holding her head in her hands. She just shivered and shook and sobbed. She was talking gibberish. I I couldn't understand her and didn't want to. She knew that knew. She knew I knew she had been lying to me for god knows how long and about how much, I really didn't care at the moment.

"Janet, when you get hold of yourself, call Sis. She.." I thought, I better call Sis myself.

I picked up the phone and speed dialed Sis. She answered, "Hi there brother John" She liked to call me that. One of idols was a catholic brother who had set up a shelter for homeless women. That's where she had had her religious experience, off the streets and the start of her journey to sobriety.

"Hey, Sis. I have some news for you. A Janet needs you in a big way. Her husband is walking out her, perhaps permanently. Your sister is sitting here on her, formerly our bed, crying. I would appreciate your coming over to help her. I'll leave the key to the house at its usual place that you know of. If you want to know what's going on? The answer is that I caught her making plans for infidelity and adultery against me and our marriage. You can make of that what ever you want. I want to remain friends with you and Dick forever. My gut feeling is that my marriage is history only."

"Oh my god, John, Surely you don't mean all this? You can't just leave Janet. Oh. Oh no." I heard her call Dick. "Dick we have to go over to Janet's post haste, muy pronto, honey. We will be over in an hour John. please wait for us. Maybe Dick and you can talk this out?"

"Nope, Sis. We are friends. Dick is a good friend. I want us to always be friends but this thing with your sister is a marriage breaker." I looked at Janet who was listening to my conversation with her sister. "I know she will need your help, that's why I'm calling you. I won't leave her alone. We had some long time friends that have betrayed me in the worst way possible, meaning he and Janet were planning a fuck fest. That's why I have to pull out. She can have him. They deserve each other and I deserve better than either of them. Good bye, Sis. Drive carefully please." I hung up and laid the phone on Janet's lap.

Janet jumped up and grabbed me around the waist, crying. "I love only you, John."

"You just killed me, Janet. You drugged me yesterday and now you plan to take Bob as your secret lover. Love and secret trysts cannot exists together. Janet. I'm dead to you and your body." I unhooked her arms from around me and shoved her backward onto the bed. Sis will be here in an hour or so.