All Comments on 'The Newbsies'

...beautiful tale of lesbian seduction. I especially liked Lilly's critique of hypocritical American Christioan values. More please!

Hey Lil! Loved them both. Sarah seems to have walked onto the page and Lilly is just plain you. Keep it going! Love, Miro

HOT!!! Never mind romantic

I loved this story though have some suggestions. I thought it could be hotter by spending longer over the seductive play between the two women. Also, you said she was a B cup and well-rounded. Any of my lovers with B-cups don't compare to me re rounded (I'm a 36D). There is a good 'how to understand bra sizes' in writers' tips that might be appropriate. Final improvement - watch the typos! Not many but in ardour-reducing positions so distract from the action. However, please see this criticism as positive not negative and given with love not anger. I wanted to give this a 90% but there is no such scale.

Thanks for the tips Anonymous in the UK! I do indeed have to watch the typos. Unfortunately my spellcheck hung me out to dry. As for the cupsizes I know that 36D is more rounded than a B-cup but I also know that a B-cup can be very well rounded indeed. My girlfriend's for example;D Anyways Thanks for the advice and I'll make sure I have a spellcheck next time;D

Lilly