All Comments on 'The Newest Family Member'

You can't stop here. Keep going. Great start!

No way, you deffinetly have to write more, it is awsome. Plz plz dont stop

best story ive read in a lonnnnggg time another chapter is in order

no. 1, girls uses "-chan," BUT GUYS on the other hand USES "-kun," like DNAngel's Daisuke Niwa... so it's "Niwa-kun." no. 2, the're STEP-SIBLINGS, not even blood related, they're relationship is accepted in fantasy or real life. no. 3, it's almost kinda WALL OF WORDS, you need an editor.

i want you to keep on writing, but please improve it!!!

The story itself was good. However, you REALLY need an editor. There's such things as paragraphs that make reading a good story SO much easier.

Make more. A perfect story.

OMG, that last paragraph was so long I just gave up on reading it. It's just really too hard to read.

Learn how to use paragraphs!!!!!!!!!!!!

There is one thing that I found impaired the flow, namely the total lack of any paragraph breaks. These help pace the story. When a story is just one very long paragraph, the reader isn't experiencing the story the same way the author is. Simply add paragraph breaks. If you'd like my help, I can do this for you.

Weak

spacing and not clumping everything together could help

Awesome story. Please continue on.

What a great forbidden love story. The only problem is that it needs another chapter to make it great. Why authors leave their readers hanging I will never know. But a story written in 2002 will probably never be finished so I guess it is up to the readers imagination to complete the story in their own mind. Sad, but that is the way it goes. 5 stars

Not having any paragraphs drops the writing to 2 stars

Step sibs can legally marry every where on earth!

(12/17/2021) This was an enjoyable read and needed to be continued but it's been more than 19 years now. Too bad, I'm sure it would have been great. 5 stars.

Hot and romantic. Sure, paragraphing would make it much more readable, but it has to be read as a continuing dialogue within a train-of-thought expository about a horny teen and a luscious Sweetie. I love her description and wish I could share my bed with her. The dialogue is very well quoted, even without the paragraphing. Parts 2 and 3 and 4 could expand on their furtive relationship at her home and elsewhere. Will she worry about pregnancy or STD?? Will Will find any other conflicting relationships? Will Kimi bring any classmates home to visit and Possibly co-opt the lovers clandestine relationship?