The Not so Secret Agent Ch. 03

It even surprised them how well it worked. It was the coolest thing ever when a TV news reporter came from the New Orleans station to investigate the UFO sightings in the little town. Tee was completely fearless: she told that reporter with a straight face how she thought she had been abducted by space aliens. Afterwards Arthur was glad he could go back to his college dorm room; Tee was sixteen then so she still lived with her mom and stepfather. Their mother had been furious. She wasn't fooled for a second; this joke was not the first by any means.

Arthur figured his girlfriend Charlotte had already moved on. She was fun to play around with but nothing more, and his friends were mostly acquaintances really. Arthur didn't want to tell any of them about his current predicament anyway. Would they even miss me? Would anybody miss me? Then an urgent thought occurred. With clenched teeth and raw determination he stood up. The pain from just standing was immense but he forced himself to hobble into his spokesman's office.

Spokesman Ralkliv was filling out some paperwork when he saw Arthur. Criminal # 88588 was obviously in terrible shape and shouldn't be up for another hour or more. "Arthur, you rest more; don't walk around yet."

Arthur quickly explained: "Spokesman, I... uh... I want to make a phone call to the United States. I need to speak to my sister to make some arrangements. It's urgent, you see I left my dog with a kennel and I just paid for a week. My truck is also parked in a lot at the airport and it's just permitted for a week. My landlady doesn't know what happened to me, and I have items inside that I want removed."

He nodded. "You need talk to family, tell of trial, ask forgive, of course."

Close enough, Arthur thought. The spokesman got out his records and looked up her phone number.

The phone rang nine times before she picked up, but it was really early in the morning there.

A sleepy voice answered. "This better be important."

"You sleep too much anyway, Tee. I think you're part cat or something."

"Arthur... Shit! Mom called last night freaking out, saying that some diplomat called her and said you were arrested in Europe."

"She was right, I was arrested in Upper Danubia yesterday; I just got back from trial today."

"But I didn't even know you were in Europe, mom called your landlady. And she hadn't seen you in three days. Arthur why did you go to Europe without telling anyone?"

"I had to leave on business Monday night; I was going to call you from Germany but...I never had the chance."

"Why did they arrest you?"

"The man who hired me for a job was involved in a theft. I didn't know about it until it was too late though. I was arrested in Upper Danubia, that's in Eastern Europe. They think I'm a spy... charged me with espionage."

"What?" Tee stammered. "A spy... that's stupid... you're not a spy... holy shit. What are they gonna do to you, are you in jail?"

"No... Um... I'm on a sort of parole or work release type thing, but I haven't got time to explain all of this right now; I'll write you later on to explain everything. Tee, there's some things that I need you to do for me. Grab a pencil and paper."

"Go to the airport... um... it's... um lot 12 and get my truck; there's a Hide a Key under the right rear fender. You can have it, it's paid off."

"Arthur, you're going to..."

"Tee," Arthur said harsher than he wanted to. "I don't have the time to explain, just please listen."

"Then you need to go to my landlady Mrs. Schmidt, she lives downstairs, and tell her what happened. Have her let you into my apartment. There's a box in the freezer with some cash in it; give the landlady five hundred dollars for her expenses, you keep the rest. I have a new computer and a camera that I also want you to have, but just give the rest of my junk to the landlady."

"Okay."

"You now have a dog by the way; his name... his name is... Lucky. You need to pick him up at the kennel on Catalpa Street within two days, got it? He's got a bed and some food and toys at my place you might want to pick up."

"Arthur, you sound like you may not be back for a long time."

The next sentence was hard to say. "Tee, I was sentenced to thirty years at trial this morning."

"Thirty years..." She took a quick breath. "Oh God Arthur... but you didn't know it was illegal."

"That didn't matter to the judge. Do those things I asked, Tee. I've got to get off the phone now."

"All... alright Arthur"

He finished up in the odd way they had said their goodbyes since grade school.

"Hate you Tee."

He could tell she was trying not to cry. "Hate you Arthur."

That was more difficult than he thought it would be; the sentence seemed real and final now. Arthur handed the phone back. "Spokesman, I want to write a letter to my sister; can I borrow some writing supplies?"

"Yes you can write later. Now we talk about future." Counting with his fingers: "You have no job, no home, you don't speak Danubian. You will stay with me tonight, tomorrow I will find you a job, and get you in a class."

Arthur thought of something. "Spokesman... um... Ralkliv. I forgot to tell my sister about my bank account but I can arrange payment for your services, for representing me in court."

Ralkliv looked offended. "There will be no such payment. Criminal number 88588 I am your Spokesman! Spokespersons do not work for their clients. I am in charge of you. You do not hire me."

Arthur started to doubt the realness of his current situation all over again. His eyes wandered from Ralkliv to the tile floor, the white textured ceiling and the fourth floor window. He stepped close and touched the glass, it felt smooth and warm and solid, as glass should. Outside a bird flew past and it wasn't an ostrich or a penguin, just an ordinary regular bird. Everything looked real and felt real but...this was just too bizarre. After all, he had walked naked through the middle of a strange city, suffered a televised beating in a courtroom, and currently had a big metal collar fastened around his neck. Now he just witnessed a lawyer turning down money! Arthur lost his balance and staggered into the wall.

Ralkliv got up in a hurry and grabbed his client's arm to steady him. "Arthur, when did you sleep last?"

"I... uh" Arthur spoke at the man who might or might not be imaginary. "I guess I... left for work Monday morning, so..."

"This is Wednesday afternoon," Ralkliv walked his newest client to a back room where it was quiet and dark and a cot was set up. "Go lie down, I think I'm going to call a doctor to come by and look you over. Just try and get some rest."