All Comments on 'The Other Side (Seduction)'

If I could give this a 200, I would. Brilliant. Well written, good use of language and imagery, and incredibly hot. Wow again, I say.

This is just inane. "Trust is on the other side of the Nile river." What does that mean? It's an allegory, simile, metaphor that you never developed.

You jump back and forth from present to past tense, making it impossible to follow. Work on this one. Thumbs down.

It's not fun being in the head of some insecure guy. And the whole story lacks passion. Maybe you think it's a realistic beginning to a relationship but I find it extremely creepy that this is the way he goes about getting a girlfriend - being the touchy-feely friend and pushing to see what he can get out of her before she freaks. I had a creepy friend like that - I don't anymore.

I've got to say I like your Latin guitar stories much much better.

Here's what I like about this story: the pro-tag isn't quite legit. He's sideways and sneaky. He's dangerous. Sex and danger. What is he really like? Why is he so twisted? I like your twisted characters more than I like your wounded, jaded characters. I like the degree of self-awareness you put into them.

Here's what I think is uncomforatable about this story: I wouldn't want to be on the receiving end of this kind of seduction in "real life," but I am fascinated by it. It titialates, it frightens a little bit. What will he do with her after he turns away from the window? Something dark, something cold perhaps.

More please

Nicely parsed.

My admiration, Sir.