The Past in Colorado

"It's not your fault," I said. "There's no fault to be had. I wanna do this."

I was still smiling, but Stephen wore an expression of consternation.

"Jess, it's not that easy," he replied. "There's... there's things to take into consideration."

I gripped his hand tightly and asked if he loved me. He nodded. "Good, because I love you, too," I replied. "I want to do this. I want to carry your baby. I want to, Stephen. You understand that? I've thought about it, and I want to do this."

He looked up at the sky and closed his eyes. I moved closer and laid my hands against his chest.

"Kiss me," I whispered. "Kiss me, if you wanna do this. Everything's gonna be fine. I promise. I just know it will."

Stephen took a sullen breath and looked at me, and then closed his eyes and very slowly lowered his lips to mine.

***

An hour later, after returning to the campground and packing all of our gear, we were standing outside a hotel room. I grappled with the key to our room, and when I finally had the door open, we burst inside and began kissing and pulling off our clothes. In short order, we were naked, and I pushed away and jumped onto the bed.

"How do you want me?" I gasped.

Stephen climbed onto the mattress and grabbed my ankles, pushing my legs far apart. I squealed and reached for his erection, guiding it into my body. Together we groaned, as he sank into me. But after a few quick thrusts, he tensed and ejaculated deep inside, collapsing atop me. With a light chuckle, I patted his back, saying, "You better not pass out on me this soon, buddy." He tried to laugh and lifted his head, grinning down at me. Stephen ran a hand over my forehead, as I wrapped my legs around him, and then he slowly began working his length back and forth between my legs. He was still very erect, and I brought my hands up to his face and pulled him down. As we kissed, he slipped back into me.

"Give me your child," I whispered.

For the next four hours, we had non-stop intercourse. I was on my hands and knees, when Stephen finally collapsed across my back, having given me whatever seed he had left in his body. We were breathing heavily, our hair matted with perspiration and our bodies covered in sweat. He rolled off me with a groan, as I turned on my side to face him. What had started as making love, quickly degenerated into sex, then to passionate fucking, and finally elapsed into what amounted to little more than erotic rutting. At that point, it wasn't about making the other person feel good any more. We were simply trying to mate - to produce offspring. During that last stretch, I didn't even think of him as another person, but only as a means by which to become pregnant.

Lying next to him, I reached a hand down between my aching legs. I was drenched in a combination of sweat and bodily fluids. Gingerly, I ran a finger over my swollen vagina, but winced when my fingers touched it. I looked down at his penis laying flat against his stomach, amazed that he was still very erect. I snickered and he turned his weary eyes to me.

"What?" he said with a tired smile.

"You're still hard," I snickered.

He closed his eyes and wagged his head.

"Don't remind me," he muttered.

I forced myself up and slipped my leg over his body, and then reached down between us and guided him into me. We both grimaced at the same time, but when he was deep inside my body, I lay down against his chest and sighed. Stephen put his arms around me and rubbed my back.

"Mmm," I sighed. "That feels good."

"What does?" he chuckled. "My hands or my..."

"Both," I replied, kissing his neck.

Then his hands slipped down and gently gripped the cheeks of my ass, pulling me up slightly on him, and then slowly guiding me back down.

"God, I'm so sore," I mumbled.

His fingers moved further down between my legs, down to where our bodies were joined together. He traced all around where he entered my body until his fingers were very wet, and then he slowly brought them up to my anus, gently massaging it. I tensed and giggled.

"That's one place you haven't been," I sighed.

Stephen chuckled, replying, "Can't very well get you pregnant there."

After a moment, he stopped rubbing and carefully pressed the tip of his finger against my anus. I tried to relax, but when he entered me, my body tensed again and I gripped his shoulders hard. He pushed a little further and a stuttering moan slipped from my lips, as my teeth chattered. I'd never felt anything like it. My heart was racing and my breathing shallow. He pushed in more, and I whimpered.

"How is it?" he asked, kissing my ear.

I could only groan. Then he wiggled the tip of his finger and I giggled.

"Sorta tickles," I mumbled.

As he probed deeper into my body, I gripped his shoulders and began rocking on his erection. We were both physically exhausted, but this new stimulation seemed to induce a second wind. Then I grunted, as he pushed far into me, slowly pulling my knee up in response to afford him easier penetration. When he tried to withdraw, I clenched my sphincter tightly around his finger.

"Keep it in there," I whispered dreamily. "...feels nice..."

After a few minutes of deep stimulation, I asked if he wanted to try it.

"Try what?" he replied.

I lifted my head and looked down at him, smiling and kissing his nose. Flipping the hair from my face, I said, "My butt."

With his finger in me, gently massaging all around, in combination with his penis, it began to feel rather pleasant.

When Stephen swirled his finger, my eyes fluttered and my lips formed a tight circle, as I moaned softly.

"Let's try it," I sighed.

I pushed my self off and lay on my stomach next to him. He sat up with a painful moan and reached for the pillow behind him.

"Better put this under your hips," he said.

When the pillow was under me, Stephen straddled my legs, scooting closer until his erection was lined up with my anus. I held my head up and peered over my shoulder, trying to watch. He slowly pressed the tip of his penis against me and I winced, but pushed back steadily.

Suddenly, I felt the head of his engorged penis crown into me, and my back arched, as my eyes flew eyes wide open.

"God!" I gasped, gripping the sheets tightly.

Stephen paused. "Maybe we shouldn't..."

"No!" I grunted, shaking my head and gritting my teeth. "Just... keep going... but slow."

With just the tip inside me, he placed of his hands against the cheeks of my ass, spreading them. Then I felt him pushing in more. I cried out. It felt like he was tearing me apart, but I wanted this. We had gone this far in our relationship and I wanted to cross that last sexual barrier between us. I wanted to give myself completely and utterly to him.

Deeper he went, and I dropped my head, pulling my hands close to my body and dragging the sheets with them.

"Oh... Jesus Christ," I hissed.

I could hear him breathing hard behind me. My body was shivering, as I opened my eyes and glanced over my shoulder at him. Stephen's mouth hung open, as he looked down to where he penetrated my body. Then he closed his eyes and moaned, shoving more of himself inside. I grimaced hard, as my lungs gasped for air. But soon the pain I felt was slowly replaced by a warm burning sensation. I dropped my head to the mattress, panting and saying, "Oh God... Take me."

With his eyes still closed and his fingers digging into the flesh of my ass, he began to slowly piston his length into my body, building to a quicker tempo. Then he lay across my back, hooking his hands under my shoulders.

We were both grunting and whimpering, the sweet smell of musk and sex filling our nostrils. My senses were heightened, and I could feel every ridge and vein of his hard erection, as he assaulted ass. His warm breath swathed across my face, with each thrust. It was the most erotic moment of my life, and I felt like I would pass out from being overwhelmed by sheer emotional delight and exquisite physical pleasure.

Stephen suddenly pushed himself up, putting his hands around my waist and bringing me to my knees. As he held onto my hips, I brushed my hair back over my head and bounced back against him. Then he pulled me upright, so I was in a kneeling position, still impaled on his wonderful erection. He reached his hands around to my chest, groping my breasts and biting my neck and shoulders. I cried out, begging him to fill me.

I tossed my head back and bounced against him, crying, "Ah... yes... yes..."

Stephen gripped my breast hard and growled, giving a mighty thrust of his hips and nearly launching me across the bed. I fell forward onto my hands and knees, as he grabbed my hips, fucking me hard and fast. I thrashed about, my hair flinging all around, when suddenly he stopped and pushed deep into. Instantly, I knew he was as far into me as he could go. A searing pain shot through me and I screamed, and I felt his erection expanding. My eyes shot open wide and my jaw dropped, no sound coming out. I arched my back and felt him throbbing inside me. He moaned loudly and began humping against my ass, as he unleashed a volcanic torrent of semen, its warm, wet heat searing into me. I choked and gasped, my knuckles turning white, as I clenched my fists to the sheets.

"Oh, fuck!" I screamed.

My hand flew to my aching vagina, and I rubbed it furiously. No sooner had my fingers touched it, than I was in the midst of a massive orgasm. My back pumped up and down, my body convulsing and writhing. Stephen held onto my hips, keeping me impaled on him. And when both our orgasms subsided, he slowly withdrew, my face contorting as he exited my wounded anus.

I collapsed onto the mattress, and when I opened my eyes, he was laying next to me, his hands covering his face and panting hard. I sighed and he slowly turned to me. I blew a long strand of mangled hair from my face and forced a smile.

"Hi," I groaned, still trying to catch my breath.

He closed his eyes and dropped his hands to his chest.

"Hi back," he whispered hoarsely, and then let out a long sigh.

***

Eventually, we dragged ourselves to the bathroom for a much-needed hot shower. Stephen was still semi-erect, but we were far too exhausted to do anything more. We kissed softly a few times, as we washed each other, but it was impossible to do anything beyond that.

As we dried off by the bed, Stephen asked if I was hungry.

"What time is it?" I asked.

He looked at his watch on the nightstand.

"A little after seven," he replied.

I flopped back onto the bed and groaned. "Oh, my body," I whined. "My aching body."

He came around and sat next to me, patting my belly.

I looked up at him, saying, "That was simply... amazing." Then I grinned and wiggled my eyebrows up and down.

***

That evening, we went to a nice restaurant, and then to the local mall. We walked around for a long time, just window-shopping and enjoying each other's company. And at last I felt like a real couple in love. There was no need to pretend any longer. When we sat on a bench in the mall, sharing a soda and big cookie, it was romantic love we felt for each other now. With his arm around me, he held out the large cup of soda, a long red straw poking out the top, and I took it between my lips, slurping the last few drops. A short time later, we were in a bookstore, and he came up behind me and put his hand on my shoulder. I was flipping through a book, when Stephen leaned in and kissed my neck. I didn't turn to him, only smiling and whispering hello. Then I felt his warm breath against my neck, and I closed my eyes. "I'm gonna go to the bathroom," he whispered seductively. I rolled my eyes and gently jabbed my elbow into his ribs. Then he chuckled and walked off to relieve himself.

Some things had changed, but others remained unscathed.

We arrived back at our room late, close to ten-thirty that evening, full of food, but still feeling very worn out. As I sat on the bed, clad only in my panties, Stephen climbed in next to me, his ever-present book in hand. I snuggled up next to him, hugging his arm, and sighed happily.

"I like this," I said softly, closing my eyes and nuzzling my face against his arm.

He closed his book and gently stroked his hand against my cheek. "You sure?" he asked.

I nodded. "Very," I replied.

Then he opened his book, saying, "Me, too."

***

Spending an entire afternoon cloistered in a tiny hotel room seemed to quench our thirst for each other. Now that the physical aspect of our new relationship had been established, we could concentrate on the emotional side of things. We spent a lot of time talking, getting to know each other better. Even though I'd known him all my life, there were a lot of things I didn't know; things you normally only discuss with your significant other, which was me now. He talked about his early childhood, what he was like as a teenager, why he chose English Literature as his field of study. I didn't have nearly his years of experience, but he was full of interest nevertheless. He wanted to get to know me as much as I wanted to know him. And every now and then, when I asked if he loved me, he'd smile and nod. "Always and forever," he'd reply with a soft whisper, then give me a gentle kiss.

***

For the remainder of our vacation, we "camped" in the hotel room. We enjoyed spending as much time as possible outdoors, but sleeping in an air conditioned room on a real bed, not to mention the shorter walk to the bathroom or shower, was added incentive to stay indoors. Every evening, we came back to the room, made love, took a nice long shower, and then fell asleep next to each other. But most of all, we spent time alone in the room getting to know one another. More and more, we became and acted as a couple in love.

***

When Saturday morning arrived, we awoke bright and early to begin the long drive home. Vacations were very special for us. It was a chance to leave the world behind and spend time together as father and daughter.

Now, however, we were lovers. And although that was an apt descriptor, it left me feeling squeamish, somehow seeming to accentuate the physical over the emotional. I didn't fall in love with what he was, but whom – a charming man, perfect and idyllic in every way in my eyes and. I didn't fall in love with my father, but the man who happened to fill the role in my life.

Driving home that morning, I watched the Rocky Mountains slowly disappear behind us. And, in a sense, the life I had known for so long was also fading away. Stephen had replaced my dad. I had to keep telling myself that my dad was still with me, only the role he filled in my life having changed. That imbued me with a sense of discomfort, hinting at the fear of what lie ahead, but also carrying a sentimental air. It was like moving away from home for the first time. All the things you had grown accustomed to, certain subtle nuances of life that you had taken for granted, were now suddenly gone. The change you wanted was here, but there was still a bit of regret and trepidation in leaving the past behind.

Stephen looked over at me, as I stared into the rearview mirror, watching the mountains fade from sharp, rigid forms into murky, dull shades of gray and purple.

"Whatcha thinking?" he asked.

I turned to him and smiled. The morning sun illuminated his face with a golden hue. Reaching for the sunglasses in my purse, I wiped my nose and sighed.

"Just gonna miss it, I guess."

He placed a hand on my knee. "It'll always be there," he replied.

***

That evening, when we finally arrived home, it had a different feel about it. It was the same house, but different somehow. I helped Dad unload the car in the garage, and then we took our bags inside. Following him upstairs, he turned into his bedroom, and I slowly walked to mine. I set my bag down and looked around the room. It didn't feel like my bedroom any more. I was looking at the past; the way things used to be. I turned and looked out the door. Dad was moving around in his room, unpacking and putting his clothes away. My future was there. I sighed softly. Not because I felt any regrets, but because it was sad leaving behind a way of life I'd grown up with. But there was no going back. The changes that occurred in Colorado were permanent. My childhood was over. I glanced down and placed a hand on my belly. Things were definitely going to change.

I left my room and stepped over to Stephen's, standing in the door and watching him move about. He was standing at his closet, hanging up his clothes and getting ready for bed. I gazed around the room, until my eyes landed at the wall opposite the foot of his bed. There was a short dressing table there and nothing else. A few pictures hung on the wall above it. When he turned, he saw me and smiled. I returned a curt, but sincere, grin and walked back to my bedroom. A few minutes later, Stephen came over and stood in my doorway, asking what I was doing.

I was pulling out my dresser drawers and setting them on my bed. "What's it look like?" I replied, blowing a strand of hair from my face. He only shrugged.

"Dunno," he replied.

When I had set the last drawer on my bed, I stepped to one side of my dresser and put my hands down to lift it.

"Can you get the other side?" I asked.

He gave me a puzzled look, but complied. Then we carefully lifted it.

"Where ya taking it?"

I smiled, saying, "Where ya think?"

Stephen thought about it for a second, and then he raised his eyebrows. "Oh," he replied.

I smiled, saying, "C'mon, this thing ain't gettin' any lighter."

We carried it to his bedroom and set it down.

"Where ya gonna put it?" he asked.

I pointed to the wall opposite the foot of the bed and went over to move the table out of the way. Stephen didn't really use it for anything; only a few small items on it that could be put elsewhere. He helped move it to the side, and then we carried my dresser over, setting it against the wall. Then we went back to my bedroom and brought over the drawers. When they were in place, we stood back and admired our effort.

There was a long silence, as we stood staring at what we had just done – time enough to think about it.

I was standing with my arms folded on my chest, while Stephen had his in his pockets. Just as I turned to say something, anything to break the silence, he spoke.

"I s'pose you'll be wanting some closet space next, huh?"

At first, I thought he was saying this with a degree of apprehension, as if unsure about all that we had done. Instead, a small grin slowly crept to the ends of his lips. But it was difficult to tell by his expression, if he was having any second thoughts.

I stepped over and wrapped my arms around him, laying my head against him.

"I love you," I whispered.

Stephen hugged me, replying, "I love you, too."

***

When we came back from Colorado, I'd like to say we slipped easily into our new life together, but it wasn't that simple. It was easy enough to refer to him as "Stephen", rather than "Dad". All I had to do was replace one word with another. How tough is that? But in my mind, making the transition wasn't as straightforward, and I feared he was having the same difficulty.

During that first week home, I think we both felt the strangeness of our new situation. But the die had been cast and there was no going back. I longed for a sense of familiarity again - for things to be normal. But I didn't want to return to our previous relationship, either. I wanted to move forward, but was scared. I didn't know what do to. Most people seem to figure out how to work a relationship based on what they've experienced or learned by watching others. You prepare yourself for marriage by dating, by watching your parents, by examining the examples set by others. But there aren't any social models for being in an intimate relationship with your father. You can't ask your guidance counselor for advice, consult a minister, or ask the school nurse for a pamphlet. You're on your own. And this was the position in which I found myself.