The Past in Colorado

"Then don't," he replied. "Don't... Don't do this. Save it for the right... the person you..."

But he seemed to be at a loss for words. The right person? The one I want to spend my life with?

I sat up and continued stroking him.

"It's you," I whispered. "I'm in love with you."

He glanced away and sighed with disapproval.

"Dad."

He turned his eyes to me.

"I know what sex is," I whispered. "This isn't about sex to me. It's about love. And I know what that is, too. I can feel it in my heart... in my soul."

Then I released him and scooted closer, resting my hands on his shoulders and pushing my small breasts against his chest.

"I know what I'm doing," I said. "I've put a lot of thought into it. I didn't just wake up one day and decide to have sex with you. I fell in love with you over a long time – years even. If I could spend the rest of my life with you, in your arms, but never have sex, I'd die a happy person."

He looked down at me, as he squeezed my arms.

"And I'm your first?" he asked.

I nodded.

"You told me to save myself for the right person, remember? Well... that's what I've been doing: waiting for the right person, and it happened to be you. I went on dates, I looked for the right guy, but never found him..."

"Jess," he said, cutting me off. "You're only eighteen. You have plenty of time to keep looking."

"Why?" I asked plaintively. "Why should I keep looking, when I have exactly what I want right in front of me? I understand what you're saying and why you're saying it. And I'm telling you, I know what I want and I found it. There's no point in searching for something I already have."

And then, to prove my point, I sat up and pressed my lips to his. His mouth opened and I moaned into it, as we kissed. Then I pushed back against his chest.

"That help clear it up any?" I asked, rubbing my hands over his shoulders.

He nodded. "Yeah," he whispered.

Then I moved back and brought him down to the mattress with me. With him on his back, I lay on my stomach perpendicular to his waist and took him into my mouth. His hand came to rest on my back, gently stroking. A few minutes later, he groaned and filled my mouth. Then I moved up to lie next to him. He pulled the blanket to cover us, and we fell asleep thereafter.

***

The following morning, I awoke feeling happier than I had in a very long time. Dad was outside making breakfast, while I dressed. The memories from the night before flooded over me again, and I thought of how he kissed me in the dark way down by the front gate. My stomach flipped and my neck tingled. As I brushed my hair, I paused and closed my eyes, smiling, trying to remember every detail. Then I chuckled quietly thinking why try to remember when I can have the real thing just outside the tent? I quickly put my hair in a ponytail and stepped out into the early morning light.

Dad was kneeling by the campfire and smiled when he saw me.

"Mornin', sunshine," he said.

Goose bumps rippled up my arms, and I brushed my hands over them.

"Hey," I giggled nervously.

I shoved my hands in my back pockets and walked over to him. He tilted his head up slightly and smiled, and I blushed, giving him a toothy grin.

"Hungry?" he asked, turning back to the fire.

I brushed the hair from my eyes. "Um... yeah, sorta," I replied.

Then he stood and carefully carried the frying pan to the picnic table.

Scrambled eggs and bacon was on the menu.

He had everything set out on the table and sat down. I went to sit across from him, but paused and looked at my paper plate, and then to his.

"Something wrong?" he asked, as he doled out the eggs.

I stood and picked up my plate, and then stepped around the table, setting down next to him. I cleared my throat and mumbled, "Nope, it's ok now."

***

Not wanting to waste a moment of daylight, we ate quickly and cleaned the campsite. We emptied the tent and packed everything into the car, and than walked over to disassemble the tent. We each went to a corner and pulled out the stakes. At the last one, I was having some difficulty pulling it out and asked if he could give me a hand. He knelt down next to me, and I scooted back a few inches to give him some room to work. Dad gave the stake a tug, but it didn't budge. He grinned at me, saying, "Whoa. That's really in there, huh?"

I chuckled and replied, "Well, you're the one who put it in, Hercules. You can take it out."

He smirked, as he gripped the stake with both hands, and with a great show of effort, yanked on it. Out it flew and backwards he fell, landing flat on his ass. I laughed and clapped my hands. "My hero!" I exclaimed. He sat up, shaking his head and smiling.

When he was kneeling next to me again, he went to stand, but I stopped him, putting my hand on his arm. He gave me a curious smile, and I inched closer and grinned. And when our faces were only a few inches apart, he whispered my name. His eyes looked past me and I turned to see. Not thirty feet away was a middle-aged couple sitting down to breakfast at their picnic table. I turned back to him and smiled.

"So?" I whispered.

He grinned sheepishly, and I leaned in and closed my eyes. Our lips touched and I opened my mouth, offering him my tongue, and Dad cautiously opened his and accepted. As we kissed softly, I reached down for his hand and brought it up to my breast. He sighed, still kissing me, and I pressed my chest into his hand. He gave it a gentle squeeze and I moaned. Our lips smacked a few times, and then he gently pushed me away. I slowly opened my eyes.

"That was nice," I whispered.

Dad took a deep breath. "We better get goin'," he said. "Lots to do today."

He held his hand out for mine and helped me to my feet. Then we took down the tent, folded and rolled it up, and stuffed it into its nylon bag. We walked around our campsite one last time, policing up any wayward trash, and when satisfied we'd left nothing behind, we got in the car and drove to our next destination.

***

It would be about an hour drive, so we made a stop at a filling station to top off the gas tank. While Dad manned the pump, I walked into the station to get us something to drink.

Walking up and down the aisles, I stopped by the medicine shelf to get him some aspirin. All this hiking was probably making him sore, though he didn't complain about it. I could tell by the way he'd groan whenever he stood from kneeling by the fire. I plucked a tiny box of pills from the shelf and, just as I was about to walk away, saw something that caught my eye. I stood staring at it for a moment, and then quickly snatched it off the shelf, too.

With everything cradled in my hands, I scurried to the checkout.

"Need a bag?" asked the clerk.

I was looking out the window, making sure Dad wasn't coming in too soon, and turned to the man and nodded quickly.

"Yeah," I replied.

He put everything in a small plastic bag and handed me the change. As I turned to walk out the door, Dad walked in to pay for the gas. I grinned and quickly slipped past him.

"Whatcha get?" he asked, turning to watch me leave.

"Drinks and stuff," I called over my shoulder, moving briskly out the door.

In the car, I sat holding the bag in my lap. I glanced to the building to make sure he wasn't coming back, and then, with trembling hands, slowly opened the bag. I carefully removed our drinks, setting his by his seat, along with the box of aspirin. Then I peered down at the last item inside the bag. It was a box of condoms. I quickly looked over my shoulder, and saw Dad coming back to the car, fumbling with the keys in his hand. Frantically, I wadded the plastic bag in my hands and leaned over the seat, shoving it into my duffle bag. Just as I turned around, Dad opened his door and stepped inside.

"So whatcha get?" he asked, putting the key in the ignition. Then he saw the bottle of soda.

"Oh, thanks," he said and twisted the off the cap. As he took a long gulp, his eyes spotted the aspirin. He pulled the soda from his mouth and reached for the little box, examining it closely. "I take it these are for me?" he said dryly. I put my seatbelt on and glanced at him, my heart still pounding and knees trembling.

"Huh? Oh, uh... yeah, those are for you."

He raised an eyebrow.

I tossed up my hands. "What?" I asked. "I heard you groaning. C'mon, you're no spring chicken. I'm sure all this physical activity must be taking a toll on your old bones." He rolled his eyes and set the box down between us. I snickered and reached over, placing my hand on his leg and giving him a gentle squeeze. As we pulled out onto the street, Dad was taking another pull from his soda, and I mumbled, "Isn't a male chicken called a cock? Yours tastes like chicken." I chuckled, and then he gagged, spitting soda all over the steering wheel. I clapped my hands together and bent over laughing.

An hour later, we arrived at our next campsite.

***

We slowly rolled through the front gate.

"Hardly anyone here," he said.

Only two campsites were occupied, and ours would make three. The place was virtually deserted. We continued driving, and Dad finally came to stop at a site furthest from the others.

We pulled out the tent and set it up, and then unloaded our bags. Dad brought out the mattress and opened it up next to the car, plugging the air pump into the car's lighter socket and inflating it. A few minutes later, the mattress was bulging at the seams and we carried it to the tent, placing it inside with some effort, seeing as how the door wasn't quite large enough to accommodate its width. Dad then handed me our luggage, blankets, and sleeping bags. With the mattress in the center of the tent, there was plenty of room on either side for our belongings. I put his stuff on one side and mine on the other. Then I stood, resting my hands on my hips, and looked around. Dissatisfied, I curled my lip and pulled my stuff out of the way, giving the mattress a shove and making more room on his side for both our belongings. Then I picked up my bag and set it next to his. Outside, my dad called to me.

"Wanna go rent a canoe?" he asked.

I poked my head out the door.

"Sure," I chirped happily. "I'm gonna change my shirt first."

I put on a black t-shirt that morning and it was absorbing all the heat from the sun, causing me to sweat more than I cared for. I kneeled down to open my bag, and Dad stepped into the tent behind me. I looked over my shoulder and smiled, as he stood holding a few more items from the car. His eyes drifted around the interior of the tent, noting how I had arranged everything. I grinned and went back to fishing for a new t-shirt from my bag, as he slipped around and set the items he held next to the mattress. Then I stood, and as he was about to walk out of the tent, I grabbed his arm.

"You don't have to go," I mumbled.

Dad stopped and turned to face me. His lips gave a subtle twitch and he smiled. Then he fidgeted for a moment, unsure of what to do with his hands, finally jamming them in his back pockets. I pulled my t-shirt over my head, and as I took my arms out, Dad was staring at my bare chest. I tossed the old t-shirt to the side and reached down for the new one.

The small white cones of my breasts jutted out, and my nipples were soft with a light pink hue. The skin around my entire torso was very white, contrasting sharply to my neck and arms, which had developed quite a noticeable farmer's tan.

I fumbled with the new shirt for a moment, and then paused, as he continued staring at my breasts. A snicker from me brought him out of his brief trance. Embarrassed, he apologized and tried to walk away, but I grabbed his hand again, saying, "No... Stay." He turned to me with a skittish smile, and I stepped up to him, letting the t-shirt fall from my hand. Still holding his hand, I slowly placed it against my breast. Closing my eyes, I rubbed his hand all around and sighed, as my nipple hardened under his fingers. Then I felt him breathing close to my face. I leaned forward and found his lips. Our mouths opened and I wrapped my arms around him, as the hand on my breast began to softly massage it, his fingers pulling gently on my nipple.

I sighed into his warm mouth.

He moaned and began groping me in earnest. I brought a hand to the front of his shorts and ran it down between his legs. He was very hard. I sighed again and fumbled with his zipper. In seconds, I had him freed and was stroking him. I pulled away from his lips and slowly sank to my knees, wrapping both hands around his engorged penis. Breathing hard, he put his hands on my shoulders.

"Jess," he gasped.

When I glanced up, he smiled and looked to the open door of the tent.

"The door," he said with a heavy sigh.

"Leave it," I muttered. "No one's out there."

Then I closed my eyes and opened my mouth, taking him inside. His hands came to the sides of my head and he slowly began moving his hips back and forth. I swirled my tongue around the tip of his erection and he groaned. He gently thrust his hips a few mores times and suddenly stopped. Still holding onto him, I turned my eyes up and saw his head laying back. And then he swelled in my mouth, and I felt that familiar pulse against my tongue. His body convulsed, as he ejaculated across my tongue. I closed my eyes and locked my lips around him, sucking hard.

"Aw fuck," he grunted, clamping his hands to my head.

I moaned and swallowed, as another stream entered the back of my throat. Two more jets sprayed out, and then the flow ceased. He was sighing quietly above me, as I bobbed my head. Then I slowly pulled my mouth away, and he looked down at me. Then I released him from my hands and sat back, wiping my lips. Dad was breathing hard and looked completely exhausted. I leaned forward, placing a soft kiss on the tip of his penis.

***

Half an hour later, we were standing at the boathouse by the lake. Dad nudged my arm saying, "Hey, wanna rent a motorboat instead of a canoe?"

I was standing with my arms folded and shrugged. "Sure," I replied.

But it didn't come without a price. It was ten dollars per hour to rent the motorboat. Dad gave the man two tens, and then, as if an afterthought, grudgingly handed him a third. The man then walked us down to the dock, giving us a quick class on how to operate the engine. A short time later, we were on our way.

I was sitting in the bow, the wind sweeping my hair, and looked back at Dad, as he held the steering throttle. I grinned and he gave the handle a sharp jerk to the left. I lurched to one side and screeched, as the boat suddenly started running through the water in a circle. When I regained my balance, I sat up and adjusted my sunglasses. I looked back and glared at him, while he laughed.

"Bad boy," I called over the sputtering engine.

He only laughed more.

We motored about the small lake for a long time, stopping to take pictures every now and then. At one point, we found a small inlet and Dad slowly brought us into it. When we stopped, I lowered the anchor. I was gazing around at the high ground surrounding us, awed by the tall pine trees towering into the sky. Then I felt him come up from behind and sit next to me.

"Pretty," he said, as I sat admiring the scenery. I nodded and turned to face him. He was looking directly at me and said, "I meant you." Blushing, those familiar goose bumps came back, and I looked away.

"I really am in love with you," I said.

He put his hand on my back and rubbed gently.

"Why?" he asked.

Staring down at the water, I slowly wagged my head.

"I dunno," I whispered. "I just am." Then I turned to him and took off my sunglasses. "I just am," I said. "I can't help it. It... It just feels right. Like it's the right thing to do. It doesn't feel wrong."

A small grin curled the ends of his lips and he looked down, as if embarrassed.

"I dunno," he mumbled.

"What?" I asked.

He glanced at me. "You," he said softly.

"What about me?" I replied.

He looked up at the trees and sighed. "You... me... all this." Then there was a long pause, and he mumbled, "I dunno... I just don't know."

I laid my hand on his knee and rubbed, saying, "Feels right to me." After a moment of silence, I asked what he what he was thinking. He didn't answer right away, only smiling.

"Tell me," I whispered. "Please... tell me what you're thinking."

Just as he opened his mouth to speak, I said, "Tell me that you love me. Say you love me like I love you... tell me you're in love with me... like I am with you."

His chest rose, as he took a deep breath, and then lowered his chin and took off his sunglasses. Dad squinted and wiped his eyes with his fingers, with a low moan. Then he glanced at me, and looked down at the glasses in his hand.

"I dunno if we should be doing this," he said frankly.

My heart skipped a beat and I asked why. He only shook his head.

"Do you love me?" I asked nervously. "Like I love you?"

He groaned and leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees. Then he hung his head between his shoulders, shaking it back and forth. Whether he was simply confused or answering my question, I had no idea. My eyes begin to water and I pleaded for an answer.

"Just... just be honest," I whispered. "Just tell me what's in your heart... please..."

With his head down, he twirled the glasses in his fingers and slowly nodded. Then he sat up and moved to the back of the boat.

"Better lift the anchor," he said.

With tears falling down my cheeks, I slowly pulled on the rope. When the anchor was sitting inside the boat, he started the engine and we began moving forward at a snail's pace, leaving the tiny inlet. We hadn't gone very far, when the engine suddenly cut off. I was sitting at the bow, staring straight ahead and crying softly, as we drifted along.

"Jess."

I wiped my eyes. "What?" I replied.

"Turn around so I can see you," he said.

I sat motionless. "Why?" I asked.

"Just turn around, Jessie... please."

I slowly turned to him. My tears were obvious. Dad wiped his mouth and took off his sunglasses.

My lips quivered. "What?" I cried.

"I love you."

"I know. You told me." And then I quickly turned away.

"Jessica, look at me."

Still crying, I coughed and swiped a hand under my nose. "Why?" I demanded.

"Sweetheart... please..."

Tears were streaming down my face and my mouth was twisted into a frown. I coughed again and turned to him.

"I love you," he said. Then he paused, and a pitiful expression came over him, as he said, "I'm in love with you, Jessica."

I clapped my hands over my face, bawling hard. Dad came over and put his arms around me.

"I'm in love with you," he whispered.

I flung my arms around his neck and cried against his chest.

"Oh, God," I sobbed. "Please... please tell me you're not just saying that. Please be honest. Tell me I'm not making the biggest mistake of my life."

"You're not," he whispered, hugging me close. Then he kissed my forehead, saying, "I am being honest. I'm in love with you, too."

I looked up, my eyes red and swollen.

"Please..." I whimpered.

He pressed a hand to my cheek and used his thumb to brush away my tears.

"I am," he replied. "God help me, but I am... and that's the truth.... cross my heart."

Then he lowered his face and kissed me. And when he pulled back, I slowly opened my eyes.

"Please," I whispered.

He smiled. "It's the truth," he replied. "I'm very much in love with you. I don't know why, but I am."

I drew my hand across his cheek and smiled.

I can't begin to explain how it made me feel to hear his confession of love. I had long since ignored that tiny voice in the back of my mind, always trying to remind me of whom it was I was deeply in love with. I didn't care any more. My instinct told me it was ok, that there was nothing wrong with it, even if the battle being waged within my conscious implied something else. It's difficult to explain, but I just knew it was ok to be in love with this man.