The Plunge Days 07-10

/** This is a real life story that is ongoing and a way for me to write about what's going on with my little online adventure journal style with the D/s world. It's the most I'm willing to jump into for now but so far it is turning out to be quite an experience already. Feel free to comment. **/

My Master got back to me about the weekend pretty early. Since I had told him about what was going on family wise he said I was still not allowed to wear any underwear but that I was not to do any of the other things or touch myself, or put anything inside of me through the whole weekend. I was relieved and agreed to that.

It took literally 12 hours for me to start missing having something inside of me. After a week of getting used to it, my pussy was feeling pretty empty and aching without being stuffed. And what is embarrassing is that he was right when he told me to do that – he already said I would miss it and I did. So I went through the weekend which included the last day of my first week, and was feeling on edge still even without anything stimulating me.

He asked me to message him what I thought so far and so I did which was harder than I thought. I admitted to him I was a little afraid of how normalized things were getting and I guess how comfortable I was beginning to feel about doing as he says. I've never really thought about any of that fantasy stuff actually happening in real life before and all the sudden I was a little freaked out about it. I guess in fantasy life I don't have to worry about STD's, pregnancy, or being caught or being a slut. Letting someone actually have say in what was going on with me sexually is not as easy as I would have imagined but I would be lying if I said I wasn't enjoying it a little. I don't think I've completely gotten over my fear of becoming submissive to someone for real yet but I'm feeling a little better about it overall.

Once he responded to me and made clear he would not put me at any risk, I felt a lot better in that aspect of things and a little safer. I think another thing that makes me feel a little better is how he doesn't zone in and focus on my body or looks as much. I've been hopping around the idea of showing him how my body looks and he seems fine with me wanting to maintain privacy for now. Guess it is different and not as stressful as dealing with most guys who just want pics of me naked right away. He mentions a lot how he likes how obedient I am which makes me happy too.

My Master did not message me back for over two days after the weekend. I know that seems like a short amount of time but it was longer than any time we did not respond to each other. Of course I am well aware of how flaky people are on the internet, and thought maybe he was done playing with me and moved on to someone sluttier or more fun. I thought about messaging him again but I decided to wait to see if he would respond to me again. I admit I was a little sad as I thought he abandoned me or something even though I thought he wasn't like that.

Thankfully, he did finally message me back. Turns out he got into an accident and was hurt for a day and of course I am glad he ok. Since my first week is over but he is in the hospital for a few more days he said to continue what my daily routine was of keeping my pussy or ass stuffed and plugged for him. He wanted me to pay more attention to my nipples, too. And last night I had to use my dildo for 15 minutes. I was relieved he messaged me back and I felt a lot better even though I doubted him for a few hours.

I am not sure how long I've normally had sex (I don't time myself...) but 15 minutes is the longest amount of time ever to have a fat dildo in my pussy. I was pretty stretched out and sore and it was hard to not cum. The only way I prevent myself from cumming is focusing on him telling me not to and forcing myself to relax my muscles down there. I have to think of it as not resisting it so I can last that long. Otherwise my muscles start to squeeze and contract on it and I build myself up to cumming in less than 10 minutes. I didn't think I would get wet and was worried about it hurting after a while but I was lubing myself up and was much more wet than last time. My ass is still sore every morning but it seems like the soreness goes away faster each day which I am grateful for.

I am much more comfortable calling him my Master now and today he asked me to include that in my profile on the website we met on. It was another time I felt antsy but I was much more calm than I would've expected regarding it. I know it's just declaring it on a website but it was still declaring it 'openly' for me and made things a little more real. It also means guys probably won't be messaging me as much since I put that I had an owner or Master already.

I've been pretty hesitant and anxious about everything but over the weekend I think I calmed down a bit and am feeling much better about all of this. I guess a combination of him repeating how much he owns me and having me repeat it too has been helping me accept it a little more easily. It is strange to try to realize what he is trying to do with me since it is my nature to figure things out but I try not to think too hard about it and just let it be. I spent the last couple of years working with a group for work talking about persuasion and how to ease people into trust through conversation. It was an interesting experience and has made me a lot more critical of people's word choice in a subconscious effort to figure out people's intentions.

What he is doing seems different though. I've never dealt with those kind of things when relating to sex or my sex life and it is definitely a different game. Never would I have thought someone openly declaring their ownership, control, and intent to train me sexually and use me and my body would make me tacitly comply without so much of a meep. I am still really surprised that I am still obeying him but it is getting much easier in a way. I am getting used to calling him my Master and thinking of him as my owner. I am also gradually getting used to the thought of him using my pussy and holes as he wants. And so far I feel very ok about that.