The Recovery Plan

Melanie entered DV8 15 minutes after Lani and Gina had sat down. A young college guy saw her coming in, and having already knocked back a few beers decided to say hello. She rebuffed him as politely as possible and pushed past him as he made drunken catcalls. She found her way to Lani's table, and in spite of her suspicions about why Gina would be there, she sat down anyway.

"You look good," Gina said. Mel scrunched her nose in cold disapproval. Gina pressed on. "Look miha, I've tried to apologize so many times that you had to call the cops on me. I don't know any other way to prove to you how sorry I am! I thought I was helping, I swear. PLEASE just talk to me again? I miss shopping with my little sister girl."

"Is this why I'm really here?" Mel asked coldly. "To hear you apologize while you condescend to me and act like I'm normal?"

"Stop that," Lani said sharply, speaking for the first time since she sat down. "There is absolutely nothing wrong with you. And I let Gina tag along to apologize yes but no that isn't why we're here."

"You told her?" Mel asked.

"No," Gina said quietly. "She overheard me telling Mr. Briggs and her mom about a possible snag in our grand plans to fix you two up for Lani's health. She read us the riot act."

Melanie looked quietly at Lani, who said nothing, waiting to see what Mel would do.

"She chewed you out," Mel said to Gina, still looking at Lani. "What specifically for?"

"For one," Gina began, "plotting behind her back. For meddling and not letting you two go at your own pace on your own terms. For upsetting you selfishly for nothing, and for assuming your cock would dissuade her from being into you, which she took as an assumption she was closed minded."

Melanie shot Gina a look that could freeze lava, and Lani punched her in the shoulder.

"Nice G," she spat. "Tell the whole restaurant, embarass her more. Way to help the conversation along."

"Sorry..." Gina said, slumping in her seat, silencing herself with her calamari.

Lani turned back to Mel and took her hand gently. She stroked Mel's palm gently with her thumbs, and in spite of her best effort to hide it, the shiver was noticable. Mel didn't try to pull her hand away.

"So I guess," Lani began, "that you thought as little of me as they all did? You thought a birth defect would get in the way?" Melanie nodded.

"Look," Lani continued, "I know I held onto my high school baggage too long. The truth is I fell for you the minute I laid eyes on you. But I was scared. I was afraid if I opened up again I'd get hurt. I needed time to work up to it. Time I had assumed we would spend getting to know each other. Today was going to be the day I either asked you on a real date, or resigned myself to my repression. I didn't know the vultures who love me had a damned timetable."

"But I," Mel started, but Lani shushed her.

"Please just listen? "Mel nodded. "I don't care how you're built. I like spending time with you. I enjoy being close to you. And I wanted to keep opening up to you. Then Miss Mouth here had to go and push and pry and piss you off, and everything was derailed. I can understand your anger with G, but you didn't have to avoid me for a month."

Melanie looked at her, eyes watering, wanting to give in but hesitant.

"I..." she started nervously, struggling to find the words. "It isn't just.... my birth defect. It's.... a lot of things. I mean, I doubt my feelings for you are any secret, but there are so many other factors. I mean, you'd be subjecting yourself to lots of abuse by just being with me."

"I don't care," Lani said.

Melanie nodded quietly.

"Let me go have a smoke break," Melanie said. "I need to think about all this. I'm scared too you know. Everyone who ever found out has been less than friendly to me. I've been hiding too long to just take you at your word no matter what I feel. But... I AM willing to at least talk. I'll be back in 5 minutes."

None of them had noticed the drunk college boy walking past them on his way to the bathroom, right as Gina had stuck her foot in her mouth. Nor had they noticed him and his buddies now watching them with icy glares. They followed Melanie out after a moment. She was leaning on the wall, trembling. She was trying to work up the nerve to go back in. She didn't even smoke. She'd just needed to breathe, feeling overwhelmed.

She wanted to believe it. She desperately wanted to believe Lani could really love her as is, without hesitation, but her history convinced her it could never be so. She just couldn't let herself accept it was possible, that Lani wouldn't recoil upon seeing her.

If she hadn't been so lost in self-doubt, she may have seen the fist coming.

The drunk college boy and her friends had suddenly surrounded her, and she could only hold her face in shock, her jaw stinging from the punch.

"Nice night eh faggot?" the drunk college boy sneered. Then he and his friends all started to pummel her. She was screaming as feet and fists impacted flesh, the thuds and smacking sounds ringing in her ears, her body on fire with pain, and all the while the drunks kept screaming at her, calling her names, acting as if she had no right to be herself, and they had every right to punish her for trying.

Melanie's screams drew out some of the staff and customers. One waitress called 911 while the other ran back in for help. She soon came back out with some guys and a couple of the cooks, who jumped into the fray to restrain the drunk college boy and his friends. Gina and Lani came out to see what was going on, and they saw a bunch of people struggling. Gina asked the waitress with the celphone what was going on.

She didn't notice Lani bolt between flailing bodies.

It was only when the police arrived and started to shove the drunkards into the paddy wagon with the help of customers and staff while the waitress told them what she had seen that Gina noticed Lani had run off, and she looked to the pavement and saw Lani sobbing, cradling..... meat? No, not meat, it had clothing on. A person?

That's when Gina realized what had happened, and ran to Lani's side, overwhelmed with guilt, knowing this was her fault. She felt it in the pit of her stomach, it had been because of her big mouth. No one would've known about Mel to BE homophobic about if she'd kept her mouth shut.

Gina slumped and rubbed Lani's back, as Lani held the bloody pulp that had been Melanie. She was covered in Mel's blood now and didn't care. The Paramedics had to coax her into letting Mel go so they could get her on the stretcher. Lani insisted on riding with her. Gina could only pull herself together long enough to call Lani's mother to tell her what had just happened. Then she paid the bill, thanked the staff and other customers for helping, and drove quietly home, certain she'd already done more than enough damage.

Lani was in the waiting room when Gerald and Betty arrived. Betty squeezed her daughter's hand.

"There's.... nothing yet" Lani said, trembling. "No word. She's still in surgery, and it's not going well. She has this blood disorder you see. It makes her bleed a lot when she's cut too deeply. She'd already lost so much blood."

Lani had to choke back a sob.

"Yes sweetie I remember," Betty said. "At least they were all arrested."

"So much blood..." Lani mumbled.

Betty cuddled Lani while Gerald squeezed her hand. She was numb, in shock. The sight of Mel was burned into her brain now, face so swollen it looked like a bloody pumpkin. She could hear some of Mel's bones grinding loosely as she had held her. She was finding it hard to focus enough to remember Mel's face uninjured.

The doctor approached them after three more hours. He recognized Lani right away.

"How's the heart Ms. Lenton?" she asked.

"Broken..." Lani mumbled, not looking up. Gerald took over.

"She's been following orders," he said. "Her physical recovery has gone swimmingly. We may have impeded her emotional recovery, but right now we want to know about Ms. Sobreviviente. Is she going to recover? How badly did those assholes hurt her?"

"He took a pretty bad beating," the doctor began, "And he required a lot of blood to counter how quickly he was losing it on the table, but he'll live. There may be som-"

"SHE," Lani said loud and cold. "Melanie is a SHE. I will thank you to respect that."

The Doctor looked at her unaffected.

"His birth certificate says male. I'm not paid to humor crossdressing fantasies. The bottom line is that your boyfriend will live."

Lani was up like a shot, slapping him so hard it knocked him on his ass.

"Put another Doctor on her," Lani said coldly. "One WITHOUT his head up his ass. Do it now or I WILL sue you into oblivion for the disrespectful behavior you just displayed. You're a fucking doctor, and you can't respect gender?"

The Doctor just glared up at her, rubbing his cheek.

"Whatever you say Miss Lenton," he said. Then he stood up and left. After another half hour the doctor who seconded him in surgery approached then, having been assigned to Melanie's primary care and brought up to speed.

"You know," Doctor Marie smiled, "You're lucky he already has a lawsuit pending, or he could have justifiably called security and had you charged."

"I don't care," Lani said. "He was being an asshole."

Betty and Gerald agreed.

"Oh I know," Doctor Marie said. "He's notorious for that. He's old school. He's being sued for 'fixing' an intersexed child born here last year against it's parents' express wishes. He's lucky I was in surgery with him to keep him focused on the job. He still lives by the old code of doctors concerning gender and sex."

"We can tell," Betty said. "Now, about Melanie?"

"Well she took a lot of damage," Doctor Marie began. "We're going to put her into an induced coma for two weeks to allow her body to focus completely on healing. They broke forty-three bones, her left lung was punctured, as was one of her kidneys, her left kneecap was all but shattered, and there's severe tissue damage around her right eye. However the bulk of her older injuries have toughened her up some. The hardest part of the surgery for me was putting her eye safely back into the socket. We knew from her records how easily she bleeds so we kept a good supply of O positive handy. Healing is going to take some time, but physically she'll recover."

Lani twitched.

"Older.... injuries?" she asked puzzled.

"Yes," Doctor Marie replied. "According to her medical history she's been beaten up before, though never quite this badly. And she already had some minor nerve damage from when she was assaulted sexually in her teens. The scope of injury suggests a very difficult life. But it's made her tough. I doubt she'd have survived surgery otherwise."

"The lawsuit..." Lani mumbled. "That was why she sued a jail.... she was in juvey for some reasons and she.... she...."

Lani broke down into sobs, unable to stop the graphic flood of her imagination in her current state, imagining every horrible act Melanie must have endured. Betty held her, crying quietly, while Gerald just squeezed Lani's hand, in shock. Doctor Marie looked very sheepish.

"I thought..." she stammered. "Oh dear I'm so sorry! I thought you would know, being her family."

"Her family?" Gerald asked.

"Yes," Doctor Marie replied. "She listed you three and a Gina Rae Escolta as her next-of-kin, I just assumed... I'm so very sorry. You um.... you can see her now, but she's very groggy. Please keep it brief."

Lani, Betty and Gerald just stared at each other. Lani composed herself and hugged them both, and went to the recovery room alone.

As she walked through the sterile hallways she'd hoped never to see again, she hesitated. Melanie had tried so hard to keep a barrier between them, and Lani had been happy to let her do so, hoping they could grow into each other until they both felt safe letting their walls down. Now Melanie was a bloody pulp in a hospital bed because of her. If she hadn't invited her to lunch, she'd never have been in this situation.

She swallowed her fear and steeled herself. With a deep breath, she entered Melanie's room and sat by her bedside. She went to hold Mel's hand only to find it in a cast. She sighed and Mel stirred.

"Who..." she whispered hoarsely.

"It's me Mel," Lani said sadly. "The stupid bitch who loves you, for whatever it's worth."

"I love you too," Melanie croaked, "but now you see why we can never be together."

"What are you talking about?" Lani blinked.

"If we were lovers," Mel said slowly, hard of breath, "you'd forever be at risk of the crossfire. You'd be fair game to every homophobe, ever mouthpiece, every gaybasher that would target me, just by being at my side. I'm used to this treatment from the world Lani, I'm a freak of nature, it's my lot in life, but you-"

"You are NOT a freak!" Lani interrupted.

"But you," Melanie continued, "I'd die if someone ever hurt you because of me. I can't ever let it happen. Not to you."

"Isn't that my risk to take?" Lani asked, caressing Melanie's cheek.

"No," Mel replied. "It's my choice. And I choose for you to leave."

"Mel please-" Lani tried to protest.

"I said go!" Mel croaked. Lani began sobbing again and left the room. Melanie just sighed and cried to herself, convinced she'd done the right thing. She let the pain medication sweep her off to a fitful sleep, and dreamed of a world where Lani could stay.

Lani was numb by the time she returned to Betty and Gerald. She was about to ask them to drive her home when she noticed her mother was in shock, and Gerald was just staring numbly at his cel-phone.

"What's wrong?" Lani said tremblin. "What else can possibly go wrong?"

Betty looked up, her eyes wet, as if just now noticing Lani, and started to sob. Gerald, without even looking up, answered her question in a defeated broken voice.

"Gina's dead," he said numbly.

Lani fainted.

*** Three Months Ago ***

Lani on a bench on the Seawall at Stanley park. She'd been trying to watch a few guys trying to windsurf near Third Beach, but her eyes kept wandering to the jar in her lap. She had cried herself out lately, and tears almost never came anymore. She was too numb. On a crisp August evening, surrounded by happy families and laughing children, it was all Lani could do to just breathe.

Gina hadn't come to work the morning after the beating, while Gerald, Betty and Lani were at the hospital waiting for word on Mel's condition. Calls to her apartment got a repeated neverending busy signal. One of the secretaries, Linda, had gone to her house to see if she was okay, and found her door unlocked.

Linda had looked around the small apartment and found a note on her refridgerator. The note was in Gina's handrwiting. It read-

"One of my best friends might die tonight in the hospital because of my big mouth. And my very best friend might lose the love of her life, because of me. I only wanted to help them both. I wanted my friends to be happy. And I screwed up so badly somebody might die. I can't live with that on my conscience. I just can't. I can only hope someday Lani and Mel might forgive me the damage I've done. Maybe then my conscience will be clean. Tell them I love them both like sisters, and tell Mister and Mrs. Briggs it was my pleasure to know them. Goodbye."

Linda had panicked and began to run around the apartment frantically, and found Gina dead in a bathtub of red water, a razorblade on the side of the tub. She'd been dead since the night before.

Lani couldn't bring herself to attend the funeral. Too much had happened too quickly. This kind of rapid-fire trauma was only supposed to happen in movies wasn't it? How could fate screw her and those she loved so badly in so short a time?

She slapped herself. There were people murdered daily in africa, cultural genocides. Babies dying, children starving. How selfish of her to think her pain so giant.

But it was. The pain was maddening.

She blamed herself both for Melanie's hospitalization and for Gina's suicide. Maybe.... maybe if she hadn't been so closed off she would have persued Mel, and then neither Mel nor Gina would be where they now were. Dammit why was she so stubborn about things? She was practically a virgin at 26 because she couldn't let anyone close. Now her best friend was dead, and the woman she loved more than anything was still in a hospital getting ready to start rehabbing her injuries.

She'd visited Melanie once, the day after being told to go, to tell her about Gina. Mel cried and held it up as further proof that anyone who got close to her gets burned. She again insisted Lani leave, and crying, Lani did so. She'd tried twice more to visit Mel but security had been asked to keep her away.

She looked down at the jar in her lap. Gina's ashes. Her brothers didn't want them after the service, so Betty gave them to Lani.

"Well G," She said, "here we are. Isn't it beautiful?"

She spoke to herself, imagining how Gina would reply.

"Yes I know," she said in pretend reply, "The water is beautiful. I think that's where I'll put you. You always did like the water. I'll go down there in a little bit and set you free G, but I wanted to talk to you first."

"You were right of course, but you knew that. I'm so madly in love with Mel it's crazy. But she rejected me. Silly woman thinks she's protecing me. She even used you as an excuse. Apparently you're proof that she's poison or cursed or some bullshit like that. It's frustrating. I can't even get near her now. She's asked hospital security to keep me away."

"I honestly believe she does love me, and that she really believes she's keeping me safe somehow. I do G. But it's silly bullshit.And I WILL find a way through it G. Life is too damned short."

She hugged the jar to her chest and sighed.

"You know that better than I do. But it's time to move on G, to let the past go. I will win Mel over, and I will be happy. I deserve to be happy, and so does she. No matter what, there will be no more unhappy endings. I refuse."

Lani stood and walked down Second Beach and waded into the water calmly. She kissed the jar and opened it, and let Gina's ashes flutter away in the wind. Then she put the jar in her bag and walked back to her shoes. She smiled sadly as she walked to her jeep.

"Goodbye Gina. Go in peace."

She drove to the hospital and waited patiently in the recovery room for physio patients. She hid herself behind an open newspaper, and waited.

Melanie hobbled out a few minutes later. Her injuries were healing very well. There were scars to be sure, but they looked as if they would easily fade into near non-existance. According to her doctors, chances were the only visible long-term damage would be her limp. She still had a couple of her casts on, and was clearly winded after the physio session. She sat down beside Lani and didn't even realize it.

"You know," Lani said, not putting down the newspaper, "getting security to keep me away from your room is a pretty chickenshit way to hide from me."

"Jesus!" Mel said with a start, pulling the paper from Lani's hands. "Don't scare me like that! What are you even doing here? I thought I made my feelings crystal clear?"

"You did," Lani smirked. "That's WHY I'm here."

"I don't understand?" Mel said. "You know I'm poison Lani. You can't be with me, more bad things will happen. I'm a freak, I'm always going to be a target, you'll never be safe. And besides that, you're a lesbian. We both know once you saw me naked you'd balk and take off."

"So basically," Lani said, still not looking at Mel, "you pretty much have as little faith in me as everyone else?"

"What do you mean?" Mel asked.

"The wedding," Lani answered, finally looking at Mel. "When Gina got to the reception without you I was worried. When she pulled Gerald and my mom to a private room with concern on her face I was even more worried. So I followed them. I stood outside the door listening. I heard Gina tell them what she'd discovered about you. I heard them all talk on eggshells about me. They asked each other if it was 'safe' to tell me about you. It pissed me off and I spoke up and told them so. They all looked sheepish."