The Road Back

One night, Matt and a few friends broke into a small store, stole some merchandise, and did some damage inside. The result was that Matt was sent to prison for a year. At the time, John had an address for Martin and wrote to tell him about Matt.

Martin showed up at the prison on the day Matt was to be released and took him back to the ranch where Martin was foreman. He thought that perhaps Matt could straighten out his life; at least he was away from the other young men with whom he had associated.

Matt did pretty well for a few months. He was liked by the other men. He and Martin seemed to get along pretty well, although Matt sometimes complained when told what to do by Martin.

Sometime later, however, Matt and two other men were found with around twenty head of cattle of various brands they were trying to sell to a buyer at the railhead.

Well, western justice was usually swift, and for a reason. When Martin found out, he cut his brother down from the tree where the ranchers had hanged him and he cut down the other men, too. He buried all three in a small church graveyard and marked the graves. He wrote a letter to Luke to tell him of the death of his youngest son. Luke was so distraught he drank until he could barely stand up, put a gun to his head, and killed himself.

John did not know if Luke was saddened by the death of the son he cared so much for, or if he finally admitted to himself that Matt was no good and Luke had wasted all those years on something that was not worth it. It really didn't matter. Luke had been such a bitter man in his last few years that even John couldn't stand being around him and never visited.

After John's description of the youngest Patten brother, he and Richard discussed how it would be to live with a father like Luke. Richard felt Martin had been a good father, a quiet and sometimes distant man, but he was never harsh or mean.

"Well son, let's get you upstairs to bed. The sleep will do you good after being up most of the day."

* * * *

The next morning before he was half awake, Marie came bouncing into his room, telling him the sun was shining and they are going for a walk. It was an effort, but Richard finally convinced Marie to wait for him in the hall. He walked down the stairs, a little easier than the day before and did as Marie insisted, walked for twenty minutes down the street and then back, feeling like his legs were going to fall off. After he sat in the swing on the front porch for a while, he went inside to eat breakfast and sit in John's chair until the mid-day meal, which Polly said would fatten him up a little. Instead of trying the stairs, he went into the back yard and spent a while lying in the grass under a big shade tree. He woke some time later with Marie tickling his face with a blade of grass.

She insisted that it was time to go fishing, but Richard told her it would have to wait until he could walk a little farther.

Marie asked to go fishing every day that week until Richard was ready to risk a walk that far. He helped her dig a few worms, showed her how to bait her hook, and watched to see what would happen. They had fried fish for supper.

After Polly told Marie it was bedtime and everyone listened to her complaints, Richard and John sat, appreciating the quiet of the sitting room, neither interested in an early night nor in anything else.

"Son, have you given some thought to what I asked you about being your brother's keeper?"

"Yes. Can I ask you a question? Why do you call me 'son' all the time? I very seldom hear you call me Richard and I just wondered."

"Oh, I guess ... well, that is a story I will have to tell you at another time. So, you remember about being your brother's keeper?"

"Well, I guess I do. I suppose you mean the story in the Bible?"

John nodded his head, and then asked, "Why don't you tell me what you know about that story."

"Alright, as well as I can. After God sent Adam and Eve out of the Garden of Eden they had two sons, Cain and Abel. Cain was jealous so he killed Abel. When God asked Cain where his brother was, Cain said, 'Am I my brother's keeper?' That's what I know of the story."

"Yes, that is the story, but why did Cain kill his brother?"

"Because God was pleased with the sacrifice Able brought and was not pleased with the sacrifice Cain brought. He was jealous. Jealous of the attention Abel received from God."

John agreed and began to talk about the relationship between father and son, Luke and Martin, at least from the way Matt saw it. Luke called Martin "son." "Son, go get some firewood." But he called his second child John and his third child Matt. "Son, go get some firewood. John, you go help him. Matt, you can go too." Matt was jealous that he was not the son. When Matt would taunt Martin, he usually called him "son." He would say things like "Hey son, did Papa whip you for hitting me?" and then he would scream, "I am his son." Over and over, the same words, "I am his son. I am his son," with every swing of his fist he would repeat those words.

John looked at Richard and asked, "Did your father tell you very much about our mother?"

Richard thought for a moment and answered, "Not really, no. He might occasionally say something like "My mother made cornbread this way," but not much more than that. All I really know is that she died when he was about six or seven years old."

"Yes, that is correct, and it was several years later that our father married his second wife, the mother of Matt."

John continued that he wasn't sure if Matt thought he should be called son because he was the first child of Luke's second wife or if he just wanted to feel like he was part of a family. Luke talked about his first wife as if he hated her. John said he never did figure out if Luke was angry that Martha died and left him with two small boys, or if he never did love her. He would say insulting things about her any time Martin or John mentioned their mother.

But Luke worshiped his second wife. Oh, did he ever worship her. She was very young, little more than a girl when he married her. She was only three or four years older than Martin, and Luke was jealous because Millie was nice to both Martin and John.

"They ain't nothin' but gets of that whore, Martha." He would tell her and then he would chase her around the house until he caught her, and then drag her to the bedroom and the two boys could hear her screaming at the way he treated her.

Luke was a big man, as were his first two sons. John said it would not be hard to imagine what a big man could do to a small young wife if she resisted him in any way, particularly if he was jealous and the man worshiped her, as Luke did Millie. John said he and Martin did not understand the problem then. But they may have come to understand it somewhat in later years. And perhaps it was one of the reasons Martin and John had respect for women for the remainder of their lives, to make sure they never treated a woman as their father had done.

When Millie was pregnant, the attacks slacked off, but did not stop altogether. After Matt was born, he was a sickly baby, but he eventually grew out of it and was a healthy little boy, still a little small for his age. Luke would sit with Matt on his lap and stroke his blond hair, hair just like his mother's, and say, "Matt is my pretty boy. Matt is my good boy." And although Martin and John couldn't really do anything to win his approval, they still tried everything they could think of to please Luke.

When Matt was about four years old and Martin was twelve or thirteen and John about ten, Millie disappeared. One day she was there and the next day she was not. Luke didn't say a lot, but he cursed her, talking about her as if she had run away, but he never did say where she went and he never went to look for her. Matt had so much attention from Luke that he seldom missed his mother. Luke would say things like, "Us men, we don't need no woman no-way. They are just in the way and always wanting pretty things." And for the most part, Martin and John were glad for her, that she was gone, if it had not been for Matt's attacks and temper tantrums.

John looked at Richard, "You look a little tired tonight, son. Let's make it an early night. I could use some extra sleep, myself."

The two men put out the lamps and climbed the stairs to their beds. Richard stayed awake for a while, thinking of all he had learned about John's father and the kind of life he had when he was so young. Maybe now he could realize why his own father was such a quiet man. Richard thought back over many years, and finally understood why his father never appeared angry, nor did he ever see him raise his hand to hurt another person, not even an animal.

* * * *

"Marie, why do you like to go fishing so much?"

"Because Billy Allen says girls can't catch fish. Some day I'm going to catch a really big one and take it to his house and let his mamma cook it for Billy Allen's supper."

"I think we have eight, right now. Wouldn't it be just as nice to take eight fish for her to cook for his supper?"

"Nope wouldn't be the same. It has to be a big one."

Not bothering to argue with the logic of a ten year old, Richard continued to watch his cork. He wondered what Marie would do if he caught that big one. Would she take it to Billy Allen's mother? Nope. It wouldn't be the same. Still eight smaller fish made a fine supper.

John brought mail home with him that night and there was a letter from Richard's mother. It was a short letter, telling him to get better. She had moved back out to the ranch to make sure everything was going well. She wrote that he needed to come home, but not until he was ready. Then she signed it, Love, Mother.

Richard held the letter out to John, but he waved his hand indicating he did not want to read it. Instead, John was looking out the window and said, "Tell me about her."

Richard asked, "You mean you want me to tell you about Mother?"

John shook his head and said, "No, tell me about Sandra."

Richard thought for a moment and admitted, "I don't know if I am ready to do that."

John looked at him, "Son, it isn't going to go away, and you will need to talk about it sooner or later. Might as well do it sooner, get it over with."

Richard nodded his head and said he never thought he would find a woman that could smile so pretty. The first time he saw her, she was getting off the train and he wanted her. He watched her walk to the store and go inside and he sat right there for at least an hour thinking she would come back out. Finally he walked to the store, went inside, and asked Mr. Haskins who was the young lady that came inside a while ago. Mr. Haskins said she was his niece and she was going to live with him and help him in the store. That was all Richard needed to know. Soon he began to pursue her. He went all the way to town at least twice a week until she would finally say more than "Good morning."

Of course, there were other single men in town and lots of them on nearby farms and ranches, and most of them wanted her too. But he was not going to let that stop him. It took Richard six months to work up the courage to ask Sandra to marry him. He was not expecting her to say yes, but she did and he reached out and kissed her.

His mother had already moved to town, saying she was going to let the boys have the ranch as long as they would pay for her to live at the boarding house and give her a dollar now and then. The day Sandra said she would marry him, Richard took her to meet his mother and asked her to come to the ranch with Sandra so he could show her around the place where she would live after they were married.

It might have been then that Ronnie started watching Sandra, talking to her and sitting beside her--or it might have been earlier but Richard did not notice. His foreman told him Ronnie should not be trusted, but Richard thought he knew better and felt he did not need to be concerned. He thought Ronnie was just being friendly.

For the few days she was at the ranch, Richard would come home late in the evening and find Ronnie sitting beside Sandra talking to her. She would tell Ronnie, "Go away, right now, I want my sweetheart to sit beside me." She would look up at Richard and smile, so Ronnie would go away. After those few days, Richard took his mother and Sandra back to town.

Sandra began to sew herself a nice dress to be married in since it would take about two weeks before the wedding. Richard and Ronnie rode to town in the middle of the next week. Richard went to see Sandra. They sat on her uncle's front porch and talked about being together every night, just like they were together right then. The next morning Richard and Ronnie rode back to the ranch.

The day before the wedding Richard, Ronnie, Smitty and a few of the other men went to town since their boss was the one getting married. Richard went to Mr. Haskins house and took Sandra to the hotel where he paid for two nights of the best room in the hotel. He left her there and said he would be back in the morning to take her to the church to be married. He kissed her for only the second time in his life when he left.

The next morning, right before the wedding was supposed to start he went to the hotel to get his bride. When he knocked, his younger brother opened the door, grinning at him. "Morning, big brother." Richard asked him what he was doing at the hotel in his future wife's room and Ronnie said, "Hell, Richard, you got you a good one. I was in her room last night and she welcomed me like a whore gettin' a twenty dollar gold piece from a cowboy off a long, hot trail drive."

Richard turned around and left the hotel, went to the saloon, ordered a drink and heard screaming and yelling coming from the street. Smitty and the other men went out to the street to see what was happening. They were all laughing, so Richard went to look, too. The men moved aside to let him through, and he saw his younger brother exiting the hotel with Richard's half-dressed bride pounding Ronnie on the back. Ronnie turned around and slapped her across the face and said, "Shut up, I'm not going to let you ruin his life, too." Then he slapped her again. She tried to get his gun and he pulled it out of her hands, put it up against her chest and pulled the trigger. Sandra just crumpled to the ground.

Richard leaned over and vomited, then did it a second time, getting it all over his shirt. He turned back to the saloon and got so drunk he passed out and woke up in jail in a cell right next to Ronnie.

Ronnie said, "Morning, big brother." Richard tried to hit him, but the bars were in the way and all he did was hurt his hand. Ronnie laughed and said, "She's got the pox, gave it to me, gave it to her uncle, which he ain't, and probably half the men on the ranch." Then he was laughing again until he stopped to say, "Good riddance" and started laughing, again. The sheriff let Richard out of his cell and took Ronnie to the capital to be tried for murder.

Richard talked to Ronnie only one time before the trial. Ronnie said that once a decent woman learned he had the pox, they would never look at him so he might as well die right now and save himself the misery. Ronnie turned away from Richard, never to speak to him again.

Richard told John about the trial and what he'd said on the stand. He didn't know if he did anything wrong, but it probably wouldn't have changed anything anyway. He was just sorry his mother would never get to know how much Ronnie did for him.

John looked at the man in the chair beside him, wondering how he would ever heal. Maybe healing would come with time, but a lot of time. He stood and said, "Come on son, let's get to bed. It's late and you still need some good rest." He turned as the younger man walked behind him.

Richard was too tired to stay awake. It took a lot of energy to tell Uncle John about Sandra and it was even worse when he had to talk about Ronnie. He wasn't sure if there was really forgiveness for the kind of sin Ronnie had committed, but Richard felt he needed some.

It was several days later when Richard asked, "Marie, can you ride a horse?"

Richard wanted to ride out into the open country where there were no people. He wanted to yell, sing, or do something. He was restless.

"No, can you?"

"Yes. Would you like to go for a ride with me?"

"Papa does not have a horse. He walks to the store."

"Well, do you know anyone who has a horse?"

"I think Billy Allen's papa has one, but it pulls Mrs. Allen's buggy."

"Is there a stable in town where I could rent a horse?"

"I don't know. What is so important about a horse? All they do is eat grass and drop their nasty in the street."

"Marie, that is not a nice thing for a young lady to say."

"Well they do, and what am I supposed to call it?"

"Alright, I am going to go to town and see if I can find a horse to ride. Do you want to go for a ride with me?"

"Can I ride in front?"

"May I ride in front, that's what you are supposed to say."

"Alright, Richard, may I ride in front?"

"Yes, you may, if I can find a horse. You stay here and I will be back soon."

"Richard, MAY I come with you to find the horse?"

"Yes, I guess so, but first we must tell Polly where we are going."

"Aw, she doesn't care as long as I'm with you."

"Maybe that is so, but we are going to tell her, anyway."

It was not the easiest thing to do, to find a horse to ride. But after a little looking around, Richard found a fairly good one, although not nearly as good as the one he had left at the stable when he left home. It was a long ride to find some open space. It was getting late when they finally got back to return the horse and get home.

John smiled when saw them walking down the street, the tall young man holding the hand of the small girl while she looked up at him, talking as fast as she could. Both were dusty. Marie's nose was a little red from being in the sun but they looked like they'd had a wonderful day.

At supper, Marie could not stop talking. "I am old enough to have a horse of my own. I held the reins and I even rode by myself while he walked. It is a long way down to the ground from way up there." She fell asleep almost before Polly could get her up to her bed.

"Son, I believe you had a good day."

"Yes, sir, and Marie did too. Next time I do that, I'm going to start a little earlier."

"Yes, but maybe you would like to do it alone next time."

Richard thought about that and said, "No, I don't think I'm ready to be alone, yet. Marie is very entertaining."

"Yes, she is. And you don't have to think when she is with you."

"I had not considered that until you said it, but I guess you are right. No, I don't have to think when she is with me."

"Do you like to play checkers or are you a chess player?"

Richard laughed and answered, "If you want to win all the time, we can play chess and if you want to lose all the time we can play checkers. It's your choice."

"Well, since we use the same board, how about one of each."

"That seems fair."

By the time they had played one game each, with opposite results from what Richard had expected, they were tired and ready for bed. For the most part they played in silence, occasionally one looking up to see if he could read the expression on the other man's face, but neither seem to gain an advantage from watching the other's eyes.

The next morning Richard was up early and asked if he could go to the store with John. John agreed and mentioned that he could use a little help. Richard spent all day moving boxes, emptying some and filling shelves. He stopped when he grew tired, but was back working after a quick rest. It seemed to him that he felt better for being busy.

Saturday evening on their way home, John asked, "Are you ready to go home yet?"