The Road Back

"I've been thinking about it ... but I am not sure how I will be received."

"I understand."

After supper, the two men were setting up the game board and John said, "Son, I'd like to tell you about my wife and your mother."

"Your wife and my mother?"

"Yes, you have been writing her as I suggested, haven't you?"

"Yes, sir, and she writes to me. The ranch is doing well and the men ask about me. I told her my last letter that I thought I was going to be coming home, but it might be a few more weeks."

"Good, then this is a good time to tell you. I believe it is something you should know."

Somehow the game board just sat there and the checkers never were placed on the board. John talked about his wife, Elaine, a very fine woman, somewhat stiff, maybe a little too prim and proper, but easy to get along with.

John apologized and said it may not be fair to speak of her so, particularly to another man, but she was never comfortable with affection and did not care for the physical attention of a husband. John told of his regrets that he was not able to teach her how to enjoy his attention. Elaine finally asked him to sleep in a separate bedroom. He did so out of consideration for his wife. Perhaps, because of that separation, they never had children. However, he did not feel the lack; he had his store and he was busy. Yet, he was still a young man.

A young woman came into his store one day, asking if he needed any help. She was looking for a job. Eva had been a school teacher but did not enjoy the children and thought that if she took a break from teaching she might be able to go back after a year or so. John accepted her because he really did need help. With her in the front of the store, he could take care of the back, the supplies, and help load the large bags of supplies he sold to farmers and ranchers. It was much easier to go home at a decent hour, instead of closing the store and staying late to finish the back room work.

One morning Eva came to work and looked very frightened. A man was following her. John went outside but saw no one. When she left that evening he followed her and discovered a man walking on the other side of the street. John followed Eva to her small home where he told her to get some clothes. He took her home with him. During the day John saw the man outside the store several times, but after another two days he did not see him again. It was more than a week after that before Eva felt safe to go to her home again.

Those ten days, when Eva was in his home were a happy and lively time. She was pleasant and easy to get along with. His wife, Elaine, enjoyed having her around and Polly loved her to death, always trying to give her something special to eat, saying she needed a little meat on her bones.

Then it happened again. The man was back, following Eva. John approached him. The man said she was a pretty lady and he just wanted to touch her. John knew it was not going to stop, so again he took the young woman home with him.

It was not smart, but they could not stop their growing attraction for each other, and eventually, late one night she walked into his bedroom and got into his bed. John said he told her to leave but she would not. He turned his back and she told him that would not work either.

John was silent for a few moments, then said he wanted to be honest. He wanted to tell his wife and divorce her, but Eva said that would not be fair to Elaine. The affair lasted for a month, then a second month, then a third month. They thought they were being so careful, but Elaine could see, she was not blind. One evening Elaine told John that she knew about him and Eva and said she did not care, but she would never give him a divorce. John was shocked. He felt like his world had fallen around him and he did not know what to do.

Later that night Eva came to his bed. Late in the night, she told him she was expecting their child. Now what was he going to do? He had just ruined the life of a woman he loved, because he knew by now that he really loved her.

John wrote his brother, Martin, a letter saying he had an extremely difficult problem and needed his help. About a week later Martin arrived. They had not seen each other in almost ten years, but had written letters during that time. Martin, who had his own land and a small ranch, said the only solution was for Eva to go home with him until the baby was born. Then she could find a family to take the baby and come back to her teaching job or claim she was a widow with a small child and go somewhere else. Eva packed her things to go home with Martin.

The day they were to leave, Martin told John he had no choice. He was never to contact Eva, never to speak her name, nor try to find her. He could never send a letter to her. It had to be ended permanently. John agreed, reluctantly, but he did promise. Martin said that in exchange for the promise he would see that the woman was well cared for and that the child had a good life. John kept his word, even many years later when Elaine died.

A year later, Martin wrote that he had enjoyed having a woman in the house with him so much that he had decided to marry. He later wrote that he had married a woman named Gina who gave him a son. It wasn't long before they had a second. About every other year, after the boys were five and seven years old, Martin would bring the boys to see their Uncle John and spend up to two weeks with him. Once or twice John told Martin it was a long trip for Martin and the two boys and maybe he should go to see them. But Martin said John had his store to take care of and it gave Martin and his sons a chance to get away from the ranch and to see a larger town.

On one of their visits, John took Martin and the two boys, Richard and Ronnie, to the circus. They had a happy time with some rides and candy and a bearded lady, which wasn't really very much of a beard, but the boys had a good time. As they were walking out of the circus Ronnie, who was about eight years old, looked at the posters that advertised the circus and said, "Look, Dad, that's mamma's name, Evangelina, isn't it."

Martin simply said, "Yes, son, that's your mother's name."

John was in shock. That was the name of his young woman, his Eva, the one he loved so much that he had wanted to divorce his wife so he could have her. He looked at Martin, and Martin gave him a look that was a dare for him to break his promise. John said nothing.

Martin and the boys stayed another two or three days, then left. Nothing was said by Martin or John. They had made a promise to each other and each believed they had kept the promise. The visits continued, with the last being the year before Martin died. Since then Richard and Ronnie had come occasionally, but had only stayed for a few days at a time.

Two years after Martin died, John married a second time. Mary was a good wife and Marie was born a little over a year later. Mary did not heal after childbirth, not really. She just seemed to go down a little every now and then, then a little farther down, and finally one morning she did not wake up.

John looked down at his hands, resting in his lap, and looked at Richard. "So you see, son, that is why I call you son."

There was silence in the room with neither man knowing what to say about the story John had just told, so they said nothing, each thinking his own thoughts.

After a few minutes, John said, "And I broke the promise. I wrote her, the day you arrived, to tell her you were here, that you were ill but getting better. Now, I have to ask, "Am I my brother's keeper?"

Richard stood and stretched then looked down at John, "You know, Uncle John, I must be really tired. I think I've been asleep for at least an hour. Maybe I should go to bed. Next time I come to see you, I think I would like for you to tell me a little more about my papa, when he was a young man."

* * * *

As Richard hopped down from the train, the combination station master and sometime porter stepped forward to shake his hand and welcome him home. Richard's arrival reminded him of how much had happened during his absence. He could not forget the last few difficult months of living in Uncle John's house and all that happened. Perhaps if he had not been so involved in his own problems he would have seen the changes in his Uncle John--for he thought of him only as Uncle John--he would have noticed the man fading before his eyes.

Richard turned around to grasp Marie under the arms and swing her to the train platform, and then took her hand. When he looked back on the disruption in the young girl's life, it was no longer surprising to him that John had never come down to breakfast after the long night of revelations.

The station master tipped his hat, "Well now. And how are you, young lady?"

Marie, in a much louder voice than was necessary, responded, "I am very well, thank you." Then she lowered her voice to a more normal volume and commented, "Trains are certainly loud."

Richard introduced her to the man, "This is my Uncle John's daughter, Marie Patten, whom I sometimes call 'Little Sister.'" It was sort of a joke at first. When he was so sick, she knew he was Richard, but she wanted to know if he was her uncle, or brother, or something else. She explained that Billy Allen had cousins and they were the same age as he was, but Richard was too big to be a cousin. Billy Allen also had a big brother, so can Richard be a brother, please? With little effort, they got into the habit of calling each other Big Brother and Little Sister.

Richard held Marie's hand as he walked across the platform to talk to Smitty. His foreman needed to issue instructions to the others to fill the wagons with all their boxes from the train.

Even while doing his job, arranging to unload their things from the train, memories of the last few months crept into Richard's mind. When John was not downstairs, even after Richard finished his breakfast, Richard went up to check on him and found him lying peacefully in his bed as if he were asleep. But it was the final sleep. John was dead.

After the long late night and John's revelations of their true relationship, Richard was reluctant to call Marie "Little Sister." Yet, she was so alone the next day, and wanted to hold his hand all day long and late into the evening. Even after the doctor came and went, after the body was removed, she would not leave his side. After all the tears and everything else, which he tried to shield from her, he finally took her onto his lap and she fell asleep in his arms.

The station master watched, his eyes so big and round that Richard feared they might pop right out of his head. A tall, very thin--actually skinny--black man stepped off the train and was followed by a large--make that a very large--black woman, both of whom were burdened by bags, bundles and a huge woven basket carried between them.

Richard recalled how much Perry and Polly had helped him and Marie after he found John dead. Polly and Perry managed to keep Marie out of her father's room, while Richard made a flying run down to post a notice on the store's front door that due to a death in the family, the store would not be open that day.

With half of his attention, Richard listened as Polly started giving orders to Perry and the other men unloading her stove, "You tell them men at's ma stove and better be no dents when I's got it unpacked, neither."

Richard remembered feeling like he was invading the privacy of his uncle when he went through John's desk, looking for a will or something that would tell him what to do. Yet, he had no choice. Hiring a man to keep the store open, arranging a modest funeral and burial, while he kept Marie consoled took more energy than he thought he had.

Richard left his rambling thoughts behind to give attention to Perry telling his woman, who was beginning to get on everyone's nerves, "Polly 'em mens knows what they is doin'. Go sit down."

However, Richard could not stop thinking about the burdensome chores he had to tend to after his uncle's death. Taking the will to a lawyer, and doing all the legal work after he learned he had been named executor, was a thankless job. But now, as her guardian, he had Marie to care for and it was right that he do so. Were they not half-brother and half-sister, yet Marie would never know they were anything but cousins.

Marie was tugging on his hand, "Richard?" When he did not immediately answer, she tugged a little harder and raised her voice a little louder, "Richard."

He stopped talking to Smitty and told Marie that he would speak with her in a moment. She should go sit with Polly. Marie could tell from the look on his face that there was no arguing, so she did as directed with a few well-placed stomps along the way.

Patting the pocket inside his jacket, Richard recalled he needed to go to the bank before he left town. Finding a buyer for John's store was not too difficult. After all it was a busy place, had good stock and the business was priced fairly.

As Smitty walked away to do as instructed, Richard motioned to Marie. "Now, Marie, thank you for waiting. What did you want?"

Marie looked up at Richard, giving him her best smile, "You see that horse. The one that man is riding, that you were talking to? I want one just like that, same size, same color, and if you cannot find one, can I have his?"

"I will tell Mister Smitty that you like his horse. But you may not have his. It is a specially trained horse for cattle work. We will see what we can find for you."

Selling John's house was a whole other matter. It was a big house, with more than the usual amount of land for a home inside town and required just the right buyer. First of all, the house had much older furniture than most people would want. But a good auction and a few donations solved that problem. Plus, it put a little more money into Marie's trust account.

Marie made sure she had Richard's attention when she asked, "You promise, you really promise? I don't want to be disappointed about this horse you said I could have."

It wasn't too difficult to find positions for the two girls who did household work for John and the one man who did the outside work. They were good workers and found other positions pretty quickly. It was Perry and Polly who were the problems. They insisted they were going to the ranch with Richard and Marie and could not be persuaded otherwise.

"Yes, Marie, I promise to try to find you a palomino horse. Now, please go tell Perry that I asked you to tell him to check the train car, one more time, to make sure we have all our bags. Then tell Polly I said it is time for her to feed you. And you stay with Polly."

Marie had refused to allow her bed to be sold and knowing she needed something to make her feel comfortable at leaving everything she knew, he relented. Then Polly wanted her big stove, which John had ordered for her "real special," so Richard finally managed to get those things boxed for the trip to the ranch.

"Yes, sir," responded Marie. Being sent to tell Perry or Polly something Richard wanted was about the only time she could bring herself to actually obey his instructions without a few comments of her own.

He could not convince either Perry or Polly that a ranch was a whole different environment than either of them was accustomed to. They were going to the ranch, and the matter was closed to further discussion. All Polly wanted, was to make sure her stove was packed and arrived without any dents.

It seemed to be taking longer than Richard expected to get all the boxes off the baggage car and loaded onto wagons. Why does it take three wagons to get a small child and two grown adults from one place to another? Plus there were the additional boxes shipped ahead of their arrival and those needed to be loaded, too. The ranch house was not a big house, two bedrooms, a large front room, and a kitchen with a big table. Where was he going to put all these people and all their belongings? So there they all were, going to the ranch, and Richard was not sure yet, that he was comfortable enough to live there, after all the Sandra and Ronnie problem.

When all the boxes and bags and people were loaded onto the wagons, it looked like a whole town was going down the road. People were out in the street watching, pointing and Marie was waving at everyone as if she were the queen of the day, with everyone waving back at her. One thing Richard was thankful for; someone had brought his horse to him and he need not ride home in one of the wagons.

Back at Uncle John's place, when Richard had finally made all the decisions about who and what was going back to the ranch, he'd sent his mother a letter that said he desperately needed her help and would she do what she thought best? Now he was going to see what that best turned out to be because he had not received a response from her before he got on the train.

There was no help for it. Their entourage did not leave town until it was far too late to make it to the ranch before dark, so they set up a small camp. One of the men shot some game and that, plus whatever was left in Polly's basket, was what they had for supper.

Perry and Polly sat round-eyed in the dark around the small fire and Marie went from one person to another, learning names and the names of their horses. She looked so tired Richard hurried to get her into the back of a wagon on a blanket so she could sleep before she started crying. He couldn't stand to see her cry anymore.

When they got to the ranch, there were two half-completed bedrooms, a little larger than the original two. His mother was there, welcoming everyone, assigning chores, and taking charge of Polly and Perry. With little effort she had them settled in one of the original bedrooms before she began unpacking boxes.

For the first few days, it seemed like chaos. Boxes sat on the ground, some still in the wagons, and Polly wanted her stove set up. Until her bedroom was finished, Marie could sleep with Richard's mother, whom Marie had been given permission to call Mrs. Gina, just as the men did.

Finally Richard took a ride on his horse to find a place where no one could see him yell a few times and then sit down and cry. It may not have seemed a manly thing to do, but it felt good to be alone to find some peace for his soul.

He cried about the death of Uncle John and all the stories he told, all the work of selling and settling the estate, the clinging sadness, crying, and anger of Marie. He could cry about the reasons for his father's long years of silence. Richard could think about when he had innocently asked about family or relatives, and recall the faraway look that occasionally came into his mother's eyes, especially when she looked at Marie.

Richard could finally shed a few tears about the loss of the woman he thought he loved, who turned out to be so false, and the loss of a brother he loved, fought with, and helped cause the death of.

The things that made him sad were just a little more than a man should have to bear in such a short time. Tears seemed to be the only way to get his soul back inside his body.

As he rode to the ranch house, he knew the healing had finally begun. No one had said much to him, except for an occasional innocent remark about something Ronnie did, or liked, or said, and those things he could easily ignore or remember with affection. His mother had said nothing either but he wished she would. Perhaps when they saw that he could still think, walk, and talk like the old Richard it would be easier for everyone, including him.

Deep inside himself, he knew he was not the old Richard, maybe a better man than the old one. But most of all, although he did not know what he would have said, although maybe Uncle John would have had a suggestion, he just wished he had answered Uncle John's question, "Am I my brother's keeper?"