All Comments on 'The Robbery: Incest at Gunpoint'

There is nothing believable about this sick story. The writer needs some serious psychological treatment for even dreaming it up.

He's going to blackmail them with a tape that shows them both restrained and held at gunpoint? really?

Great premise, lousy execution. The stories on this site require a certain willing suspension of belief in order to engage the reader with the story; this never happened at any point. I can't believe two people with a hot premise like this sat down and pooled their intellect, to then turn out such an idiotically plotted and nonsensical story. I urge you to delete and rewrite, with a collaborator who actually knows how to write, plot, and tell a story, someone like BrettJ, Silkstockingslover, beachbum1958, Chargergirl, people who can write a crescendo and a cliffhanger without telegraphing it and blowing the ending with such a nonsensical, rushed, and frankly unbelievable ending, even for Literotica and the genre in general. This story has a great premise, pity you both fucked it up so comprehensively

Sart by deciding what tense you want to use to tell your story, and stick with it. You mix tenses, which I find distracting. This story started with a past tense (she WAS doing something) and quickly turned to present tense (she does something else). I need to shift my head from one to the other. Pick one and stick to it. I hope this comment is helpful.

Of course you should ignore the folks who don't like the genre in which you chose to write. I'm not wild about non-consensual sex, but I can handle it (unlike some other commentators).

Right, he's going to blackmail them while they're at his mercy. This is sick. You need some psychological evaluation.

... and furthermore, once the brother freed his hands, there was nothing to prevent him from beating the crap out of his brother-in-law and then turning him over to the cops. Irrespective of how hard he came, he would be waiting for a chance to get his hands on his tormentor, who'd have never gotten close enough to "loop the ropes back over him" without suffering. What you have actually done is put the ex in the position of having to kill both of these witnesses to his armed robbery, illegal restraint, multiple rapes (yes, forcing them into sexual acts is rape), pornography, sexual assault, ad nauseum! An interesting premise, could have been the start of a wonderful new chapter in a sibling relationship, however, with the brother's attitude that his sister is somehow dirtier than him for enjoying him as he enjoyed her, tells me that the dude is in for some serious therapy sessions, if he doesn't kill himself first.

Look at all the literary professors acting like this is Walt Whitman

Get over yourselves clowns it's a dirty story stop bashing them like you expected catcher in the rye

People are going to actually judge the author of this story and question their psychological stae s mind...........YOU ARE READING STORIES FROM THE INCEST CATEGORY YOU RETARD.......Do we have Mommy issues??? Are we experiencing some kind of Freudian complex??? Yep, I think you may have psychological problems too!! Anybody reading this category does!

I liked your first story, and would love to read more. This is a site for sex and some of the other comments are just lame. Keep at it, I will keep reading.

Ignore all the negative comments by those unwilling to write those comments under their own names.

This is a good premise for a story which you should continue. Well done -- although an editor can help with the tense switching mentioned -- not a big deal, really.

I have to confess, I noticed the tense problem during editing, and I thought I had fixed it. My apologies to all of you!

about 95% of the stuff that shows up on this site. Keep writing - you'll work out any grammar problems soon enough. Better a few problems in English than the plot disasters usually appearing on Lit now. 5*s

The distracting fluctuation in tenses has already been covered by others, so I'll stay away from that area.

If the "robber" was going to reveal his identity anyway, why did he bother wearing a mask in the first place? Since his intention was to humiliate his ex wife and her brother, surely that humiliation would have been greater if they had known all along who he was. How much more humiliating it could have been if he had held them at gunpoint and forced the brother to undress his sister, and maybe made him fuck her in both holes with a few kitchen utensils. Then he could have made her tie him up and go to work on him.

Why was the brother so vociferous in his condemnation of his sister, when he was thoroughly enjoying raping her?

I could be mistaken but it seems to me that if a man is in fear of his life, the last thing he is going to be able to do is get a hard on over his sister -- unless he really does have a secret wish to fuck her.

The brother had already sworn to commit mayhem on the assailant, so when his hands were free, why didn't he beat the crap out of him and toast his balls on the hotplate, then hand him over to the cops? It would have been much more in keeping with the violent nature of the story.

I liked the story, even if it was more on the violent-end. The grammar wasn't bad- I have certainly seen much worse on here. And the story was the perfect length. All in all, pretty great!

The author needs an education in the basics of decent grammar an sentence construction. All the "..." used and things like "oooooooohhhhhhhhh," "yyyyyyyeeeeeeessssss," are but prime examples proving lack of education or failure in early years in school. This kind of thing is becoming far too common with many authors, makes for wonder where they attended school or if they even did.

If her brother was so mad at her. ( For no reason, i might add) Why would he

purposely get her pregnant when he could have defended her. And what's the point of calling Ryan " the intruder" if we all knew who it was? And, whats up with the "OOOOOOOHHHHHHHH"s and "YYYYYYYEEEEEESSSSS"s and "FFFFFFFUUUUCCKKK MMEEE". I thought she didn't want him too. Overall decent but definately not the best I've seen.

The story was well written, and I think you did a good job of making a story. All the guys who say it's crappy can just fuck off. Keep writing; I say 5 stars.

it's quite alright even though some sentences are quite contradictory! continue writing, quite awesome

I think it was am awesome story had me stroking my cock all time great job keep writing.

My Clit was throbbing while reading this.

It wouldn't happen in a million years but I loved it. I think there should be a follow up to this. What happens in Renee and Marcs future? What does Renee have to do to keep the tape quiet? Is she able to get it back? Please revisit this.

I am definitely coming back to this site and reading this again! I was dry humping the chair the whole time while reading this...I CAME 6 TIMES!!!!

I enjoyed your writing a lot. Sorry, the rating got clicked accidentally on 1, and it wont let me change it, but I just wanted to say that I really enjoyed the story and please disregard that false rating.

Keep up the good work and have a great day!

First off, ignore all the stupid comments. That's the first thing I learned after starting to submit here.

While there were some issues with tenses and what-not, all in all, I thought this was a very well-conceived idea. There were some 'bumps around the gears', but for the most part it was an enjoyable read.

I did think you both managed to capture the angst of the main characters well, and also segued nicely into how much they enjoyed the moment sexually.

So, as the title of my comment says: Good job!

At first, the force of the incestuous molestation was involuntarily, the only thing that was a issue was that the family all started to be worried that the gunmen would hurt the clan.

The mother was afterwards delighted with the outcome albeit the gunmen forced them to have incestuous lust with each other. This, as it turned out was a blessing in disguise. She was thrilled with the idea of what could happen for years to come. The mother was obviously hot and needed the family to become closer and loving. She told the kids that the experience of the incestuous experience was a good loving and caring time for the family. It was harsh at first, but their own love and respect for each other became a well established protocol for the family that at first was forced. The mother told the kids to not be afraid of being in a incestuous relationship between them anymore. The mother reassured the kids that the gunmen forced them to be together. But the fact that the new love of the family and the entire time was a learning experience for the kids. The mother further explained that eventually the incest would have happened anyway. The children understood that the incestuous relationship between the family and the sweet love and respect for each other would be a good idea to learn more about the experience of love and respect for the family. The mother was a realistic person who has been the most important part of the family and the entire episode of the incestuous force. She reassured the children that the experience of the incestuous liason was in the end a blessing. The first thing that she did was to embrace the children into the world of the interfamiliar love of God and the reason why it would continue. The son understood. She kissed her son and offered her breasts to the boy. He was excited about this prospect of the mother's breasts and delightfully suckling her teats the mother was delighted that the new love of the family would continue. She was whispering to the boy how to love the mother by caressing the boy's cock through the pantyhose she got for the boy . He liked the way they felt like and the smooth feeling of the spandex and nylon on his genitals. She was soon sucking her son's cock. The boy was hard and learned that the new love of the family was so right. The mother soon encapsulated the boy's cock in her vaginal orifice. The mother was reassuring. She was enthralled with the way the boy's cock felt like in her pussy. She was thrilled now that the son was loving the mother. She had already been teaching the boy to be more outgoing and to be able to please the mother and make her feel better. Mom said " Yes, my son , it is quite correct to love your mom and her needs."! The boy grunted as he shot streams of Sperm deep in her pussy. She was having a powerful orgasm.

The plot was great and very well constructed. I love how you brought up her ex-husband early on and how it flowed well with the story.

The feeling i got while reading though it was that she said "fuck me" at the end because she was lost in passion. Her only thoughts were of carnal desire. She had lost all fear of the consequences that came with. Very hot. Put me over the edge so I could climax with the characters. Also though the ex was obvious from the first mention he had to wear the mask from the start to avoid being on the tape. He only removed the mask after he had shut it off. The blackmail would work due to the fact that instead of trying to excape and free them self when able they did get lost in the act and enjoyed the sex. Even at gun point family would look down on them so he had them. Good work all around. Hope you keep going. Perhaps work on the struggle the brother has with his view on females. Allow his sister to help him come to terms with his emotions so they can end in a loving sexual relationship as they bond from the experience and work to eventually defeat the stories villain who perhaps may not be a villain at all. Maybe he picked up on her desire while they were together and used the fake robbery and false "blackmail threats" to force them to face their own deep seeded desires that they would never had delt with for fear of what society would think. Just a couple ideas I hope will spur you on to keep the story going. Would love another chapter to climax to. :)

I don't know why you all hated it. I liked it.

So you want us to believe that neither of them recognized Luke's voice? At least make it believable.

Here, let me blackmail you with proof of me not only thing you at gunpoint, and physically assaulting the brother, but raping the both of you. Go ahead asshole, send the tape.

that maid me wish some one would make me to that to my sister

Did this get anyone else as hard as a rock

wow the brother is an asshole, and dumb as a rock too. What kind of idiot asswipe gets mad at someone who's being forced (and note that she isn't angry at him even when he cums in her), even if it is stimulating them against their will as well, ESPECIALLY if the brother is also stimulated and coming across as way more into it than her? He can chew glass.

Also yeah this isn't criticism really but they should just show the tapes.

(sorry if this double posts, my phone refreshed and I don't think the first one went)

sexy as hell. My pussy is throbbing for more.

The worst player in this story was Marc...