The "Secret" of Attraction

The masculine can open a woman like a flower with just a little bit of humor. His brand of wit can slice right through the feminine's mood. Have you ever been with a woman and turned the tide of her sadness or anger with one silly remark? My husband does this to me all the time. I'll be pouting about something that seems so enormous to me, and he'll come in, tilt my chin up and kiss me and say something truly wacky, and I can't help but laugh. It lifts me immediately out of the moment. Okay, how important is it, really, that I forgot to tape American Idol? I have to ask myself. What a gift of perspective!

So what are the things that a man can do in a relationship to help bring the passion back? It's not bringing her flowers, it's not singing her love songs, and it's not romantic walks on the beach at sunset. Those are all feminized versions of romance—things the feminine draws the masculine into, but not something for the masculine to initiate, if that makes sense. If you're the one grounded in masculine energy, there are four simple things you can do to help her trust that she can let her feminine energy go, so she can be vulnerable and open herself up to you—and men know there's nothing more beautiful or desirable in the world than a woman who is opening herself up to you.

1. Tell her she's beautiful. Mean it. Find specific things about her to admire. And if there's something you don't approve of, or want her to change, praise her. So instead of saying, "Hon, I think you're putting on some weight," (*wince*) say, "Wow, baby, you're so sexy when you're doing yoga," or "Damn, your ass feels so much tighter since you've been working out." The feminine thrives on praise. Try this technique and see if she doesn't start working out like a fiend and have the tightest behind in the neighborhood in no time!

2. Let her flow—don't ask her to be rational and logical. If you wanted to be with another linear thinker, wouldn't you be with a man? Let the feminine be what it is... she's the weather. Let her do her thing, help open her with humor if you feel you can or should, and then simply stand in her storm or bask in her sunshine.

3. Say what you mean and do what you say. This includes the big things and the little things. This is important, because the masculine needs to be trustable for the feminine to feel she can open and be vulnerable. (Remember, she needs to feel safe to open herself sexually, too.) If she feels she can't trust you to do even the small things—for example, if you said, "I'll take the garbage out in the morning, honey," but it's still sitting there after you've gone to work—how can she trust you when it comes to the big things, like sharing her body and heart with you?

4. Don't obey. The feminine doesn't want you to do what she says. The feminine wants you to listen to her feeling, with your heart, and act from love. She wants you to do what's right. The feminine wants your guidance and direction, into a place deeper than she can take herself. Why else would she be with you otherwise? So take her feeling into account, but don't do what she says all the time, simply because she says it. The feminine loves to test the masculine this way, and she will, often. You'll get lots of practice, I promise.

So whether you're primarily masculine or feminine, there's a lot you can do to re-ignite the fire in your relationship—you just need to have the right tools. I know it's hard to rediscover the initial passion you once had together when your primary goal, as partners, is either to raise a family or build a nest egg for some far off retirement, but there is a way to get that feeling back. There's no need to look for it somewhere else (the grass is always greener syndrome) or to settle for not having it at all. It's simply a matter of knowing how to apply the law of physics—the law of attraction—to your relationship. It's really no "secret" after all.

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